hornitos

shhh!
there's someone in the next room sleeping. .

today , she cleaned my kitchen , did my dishes , cleaned my bathroom, washed my clothes and sheets and baked me a cake for my birthday . . she also bought me a book (but, really she just replaced a book that she had destroyed earlier)

unfortunately, when i got home from work. .she was totally blotto. . shit-faced. . stupid drunk. . long gone.

and we don't get along when she's like that. .

i could tell right away she'd been drinking. when i kissed her hello she stuck her tongue down my throat. . that, and her voice goes into this , loud whisper kinda thing. . like . . let's see, like, she's completely mellow and in a dream , but the reality of the situation is, she's insanely combative and ultimately , impossible to have a conversation with. .

i'm sure some of you know that voice. .

but ya' know, in a different place and time, i would've had a verbal fight with her, and then later , gave her a good ol' grudge fucking.

but i don't do that anymore. . i refuse to have sex with somebody that i'm angry at. .

it just doesn't make any sense to me . .

nothing ever gets resolved. . it's just more aggression .. more empty emotion. .

hopefully , tomorrow will be better. .

i have big plans !

i'm gonna go buy a stray cats cd. .
and i want a grand marnier margarita!. .

well, big plans for me anyways. .

song lyric for tonite.. .

" will you drag me down?
when you see , just who i am?
i don't have much, i never will have
but i got dreams. . oh yeah. . yeah!"

- UO