Not a lot of people know, but I have depression issues. I remember when I was a child, as happy as I was, I always felt lost. Throughout my life, I have always been sad. No matter how many material things I would encounter to make me smile, or people I would meet to love; the sadness never stopped. Even as a 19 year old college student, I sometimes find myself crying at night.
You know, everyone says, "You chose how you feel" or "You make yourself happy/sad". While it may be true for most people, it's not for me. I could wake up happy, and then anytime during my day, be set off into a spiraling mood. No matter how hard I try, it's really difficult to be happy. I find myself to be a very strong individual, physically and mentally; but emotionally, I am weak. That is why I escape to music.
Without my music, I would go crazy. Even though sometimes it's depressing music, it somehow keeps me sane and holds me from slipping further. It's tough getting all the music I want though, because I'm slowly losing money. While I'm better off than a lot of people in this cruel world; I'm still hurting. I struggle to make rent every month, and I barely have enough to pay bills. It's tough to even eat; I'm always hungry because it's tough to buy groceries.
Out of all the things that have triggered my depression, one sticks out. A few years ago, I fell in love. Alexis is her name, and she fit everything that I wanted in a girl. Beautiful, nice, smart, athletic, and she loved me back; or so I thought. One night, at my high school football game, she left me; for someone else. Normally I wouldn't care so much, but I loved her. I had liked her for about 2 years, before she decided to leave me. That's when my handy dandy emotions kicked in. It was the most depressed point I had ever reached. I was straight depressed for about a year and a half. Finally she left my heart, and I started to date live my life on.
More girls came, and they all went. I finally decided to just stay single. To stop trying. I wouldn't find love again. But then I joined SG. I initially joined to help win a bet that I had made, but liked the site so much; it took over my life. Chat has been such a life changing thing for me. I have met so many amazing people, and I love them all. But one person in particular.
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I love her so much. And in about 3 days and 15 hours, I'll finally be able to hold her. 
I love all of my SG friends. You guys are all awesome, and I thank you all. <3
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