The Most Disgusting Thing I've Ever Seen.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to hear about guys fucking guys, or guys fucking girls, or if talk of disgusting shit bothers you, then stop reading now. This story is also really long.
It's true, I do like to fuck. You could say I love it.
Sometimes, this gets me in trouble. (See Preppy-Crazy-Unable-to-Talk-Dirty Girl, aka My New Stalker) Sometimes, I get a great story out of it. Rarely does it all work out. Blows for me, but for y'all? It's like free tickets to a train-wreck.
I went to a bar last night, by myself (lame, I know) figuring to get a few drinks, maybe talk some bullshit with random strangers, go home. When I walked in the door, I noticed that Bear and Chrissy D were there, and they were with a pretty decent group of kids...seems like yours truly is going to get wasted this evening.
Bear makes the introductions, and it turns out that half the kids are from Macedonia. They're all doing some sort of Summer abroad program, trying to improve their English. One of the kids, Dragon (I shit you not, that was his name) was eyeing me up like I was a slab of beef from the second we were introduced. I mean, I've been eye-fucked, but this was a whole new level. I almost felt dirty. (Almost.
) He was pretty damn good-looking, and his accent was hot as shit, so I figured that going out wasn't a complete waste of time. I haven't been fucked by a guy in a while, and this kid was looking like my best shot to get some dick.
I go up to get drinks, and slyly sit myself down next to Dragon, and the kid immediately tenses up. I put my hand on his leg, to calm him down a bit, and he just got the deer in headlights look...but made no move to get my hand off. Now, I'm stoked...I'm definately gonna get fucked!
'Bout a half-hour goes by, general bullshitting going on around the table, when Dragon says that he's going to the bathroom. While saying this to the table, his hand was squeezing my prick, so I figured he might be trying to tell me something.
I get up a little bit after him, go into the bathroom, and lock the door behind me. Dragon was just sitting on the sink, cute little grin on his face, arms folded across his chest...until he hopped off the sink, grabbed the back of my neck, threw me up against the wall, and shoved his tounge in my mouth. Yes, it was as hot as it sounds, especially since I could feel his dick was rock-hard, and he had a little 5 o'clock shadow rubbing against by beard...I fucking love that.
I lost my brain, grabbed his chest, pushed him against the wall, pulled his pants off, and devoured his cock like I hadn't eaten a meal in months. His prick was a little smaller than I'd've liked, and he came a little too quickly, but I was too excited to care. I haven't given a blowjob in at least 2 months, and I was so fucking turned on it was ridiculous.
After he stuffed his cock back in his pants, he unlocked the door, and left the bathroom. I spent a few minutes adjusting myself, and making sure I was presentable, and then I went back to the table. Dragon, however, still wasn't back. "Fuck it." I thought. "He's getting a drink." But good ol' Dragon was not getting a drink. He was running the 12 miles back to his billet's home. (More on that later)
An hour goes by, no Dragon. Another hour, no Dragon. At this point, I'm quite inebriated, as I've been schwilling bourbon to get Dragon's taste out of my mouth (for such a good looking kid, he tasted like shit.) I started talking to Stacey, one of Bear's friends. Even in my drunken stupor, I can tell that Stacey is into me, and considering Dragon was nowhere to be found after getting me all sorts of hot and bothered, I said "What the fuck."
Stacey and I headed back to her apartment, where I proceeded to rip her shirt off, rip her panties off, pull my pants down enough to get my dick out, and fuck her from behind over her Ikea desk. Which proceeded to break mid-coitus. No big deal, I just need to find a new flat surface. Ahh, the bed. That'll work. I'm so drunk, I should be able to fuck anything, but she's just lying there like a dead fish. It was at this moment that things changed for the worse.
"Fuck me from behind." Wonderful, now we're getting somewhere.
"Fuck my ass." This is looking good...real good.
"Pull my hair." Now we're really getting somewhere. What once looked like a lost cause, is now a fun fucking time.
"Slap my ass...HARD! HARDER!!" Bitch is a little bit kinky...I must've lucked out.
All this ordering me around got me a little bit hot, so I start fingering her pussy and her clit, while I'm fucking her ass...I'm not sure if she's one of those girls that can cum just from anal, and she's turning into a pretty decent lay, so she deserves to get her rocks off too. She starts moaning, I start moaning, she starts screaming, I start grunting....and then she releases these high-pitched squeaks, and a few gurgles. I don't pay much attention, because I'm more focused on my own wonderful orgasm at this point. I finish, she stops with the noise, and I ask her where the bathroom is. No response. Ok, fine, have it your way.
I find the bathroom, clean myself up again, and prepare to disembark. I start the clothes-finding mission, when I notice that it smells like absolute shit. I look around the bed, and thats when I see the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
My clothing was covered in a large pile of vomitus. I'm talking chunky, sticky, gooey puke. The kind of barf that hurts on the way up. It looked like some sort of surreal abstract piece of art, you know, "ClothesVomit. 2007" It's a good thing I have an iron stomach, or else there would've been two artists that would've been credited. But then I saw the bed.
The bed was covered in blood, shit, and puke. I'm talking a foul, vile mixture of absolute epic proportions. The scent was too much to deal with, even for someone with my iron stomach. I emptied the contents of my stomach directly onto Stacey (who was passed the FUCK out through all of this), but the force of my puking was so violent, that I slipped on the original pile of puke/clothing and fell back into a bookcase, which promptly dropped a globe and several other heavy-as-shit items from the top directly onto my head, thighs, and dick.
Stacey opened her eyes, surveyed the carnage that she was (mostly) responsible for, and said "Well, now we're even for my desk."
I drove home naked.
DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to hear about guys fucking guys, or guys fucking girls, or if talk of disgusting shit bothers you, then stop reading now. This story is also really long.
It's true, I do like to fuck. You could say I love it.
Sometimes, this gets me in trouble. (See Preppy-Crazy-Unable-to-Talk-Dirty Girl, aka My New Stalker) Sometimes, I get a great story out of it. Rarely does it all work out. Blows for me, but for y'all? It's like free tickets to a train-wreck.
I went to a bar last night, by myself (lame, I know) figuring to get a few drinks, maybe talk some bullshit with random strangers, go home. When I walked in the door, I noticed that Bear and Chrissy D were there, and they were with a pretty decent group of kids...seems like yours truly is going to get wasted this evening.
Bear makes the introductions, and it turns out that half the kids are from Macedonia. They're all doing some sort of Summer abroad program, trying to improve their English. One of the kids, Dragon (I shit you not, that was his name) was eyeing me up like I was a slab of beef from the second we were introduced. I mean, I've been eye-fucked, but this was a whole new level. I almost felt dirty. (Almost.
) He was pretty damn good-looking, and his accent was hot as shit, so I figured that going out wasn't a complete waste of time. I haven't been fucked by a guy in a while, and this kid was looking like my best shot to get some dick.
I go up to get drinks, and slyly sit myself down next to Dragon, and the kid immediately tenses up. I put my hand on his leg, to calm him down a bit, and he just got the deer in headlights look...but made no move to get my hand off. Now, I'm stoked...I'm definately gonna get fucked!
'Bout a half-hour goes by, general bullshitting going on around the table, when Dragon says that he's going to the bathroom. While saying this to the table, his hand was squeezing my prick, so I figured he might be trying to tell me something.
I get up a little bit after him, go into the bathroom, and lock the door behind me. Dragon was just sitting on the sink, cute little grin on his face, arms folded across his chest...until he hopped off the sink, grabbed the back of my neck, threw me up against the wall, and shoved his tounge in my mouth. Yes, it was as hot as it sounds, especially since I could feel his dick was rock-hard, and he had a little 5 o'clock shadow rubbing against by beard...I fucking love that.
I lost my brain, grabbed his chest, pushed him against the wall, pulled his pants off, and devoured his cock like I hadn't eaten a meal in months. His prick was a little smaller than I'd've liked, and he came a little too quickly, but I was too excited to care. I haven't given a blowjob in at least 2 months, and I was so fucking turned on it was ridiculous.
After he stuffed his cock back in his pants, he unlocked the door, and left the bathroom. I spent a few minutes adjusting myself, and making sure I was presentable, and then I went back to the table. Dragon, however, still wasn't back. "Fuck it." I thought. "He's getting a drink." But good ol' Dragon was not getting a drink. He was running the 12 miles back to his billet's home. (More on that later)
An hour goes by, no Dragon. Another hour, no Dragon. At this point, I'm quite inebriated, as I've been schwilling bourbon to get Dragon's taste out of my mouth (for such a good looking kid, he tasted like shit.) I started talking to Stacey, one of Bear's friends. Even in my drunken stupor, I can tell that Stacey is into me, and considering Dragon was nowhere to be found after getting me all sorts of hot and bothered, I said "What the fuck."
Stacey and I headed back to her apartment, where I proceeded to rip her shirt off, rip her panties off, pull my pants down enough to get my dick out, and fuck her from behind over her Ikea desk. Which proceeded to break mid-coitus. No big deal, I just need to find a new flat surface. Ahh, the bed. That'll work. I'm so drunk, I should be able to fuck anything, but she's just lying there like a dead fish. It was at this moment that things changed for the worse.
"Fuck me from behind." Wonderful, now we're getting somewhere.
"Fuck my ass." This is looking good...real good.
"Pull my hair." Now we're really getting somewhere. What once looked like a lost cause, is now a fun fucking time.
"Slap my ass...HARD! HARDER!!" Bitch is a little bit kinky...I must've lucked out.
All this ordering me around got me a little bit hot, so I start fingering her pussy and her clit, while I'm fucking her ass...I'm not sure if she's one of those girls that can cum just from anal, and she's turning into a pretty decent lay, so she deserves to get her rocks off too. She starts moaning, I start moaning, she starts screaming, I start grunting....and then she releases these high-pitched squeaks, and a few gurgles. I don't pay much attention, because I'm more focused on my own wonderful orgasm at this point. I finish, she stops with the noise, and I ask her where the bathroom is. No response. Ok, fine, have it your way.
I find the bathroom, clean myself up again, and prepare to disembark. I start the clothes-finding mission, when I notice that it smells like absolute shit. I look around the bed, and thats when I see the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
My clothing was covered in a large pile of vomitus. I'm talking chunky, sticky, gooey puke. The kind of barf that hurts on the way up. It looked like some sort of surreal abstract piece of art, you know, "ClothesVomit. 2007" It's a good thing I have an iron stomach, or else there would've been two artists that would've been credited. But then I saw the bed.
The bed was covered in blood, shit, and puke. I'm talking a foul, vile mixture of absolute epic proportions. The scent was too much to deal with, even for someone with my iron stomach. I emptied the contents of my stomach directly onto Stacey (who was passed the FUCK out through all of this), but the force of my puking was so violent, that I slipped on the original pile of puke/clothing and fell back into a bookcase, which promptly dropped a globe and several other heavy-as-shit items from the top directly onto my head, thighs, and dick.
Stacey opened her eyes, surveyed the carnage that she was (mostly) responsible for, and said "Well, now we're even for my desk."
I drove home naked.
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Makes me think of One D at a Time, have you ever read her? (http://onedatatime.typepad.com)