Ash did an entry (based on another's entry) about writing a letter to their childhood version. Since I read her entry, it's been knocking around in my head.
Now, 3 am in the morning, i find myself unable to sleep if i don't write something.
Dear 8 year old Orion,
Yes, you're in therapy now, but it'll be alright. You will be fine. You'll adjust to mom's disease better than almost anyone. What you're experiencing now is nothing, wait another few years. Listen to what she says. Yes, vacuum's really do leave tracks. No, don't watch Alien/Aliens, for goodness sakes, you're STILL dealing with the results of watching Poltergeist 3 years ago!
Write down Guy's last name. Better yet, have his mom do it. Years later, when you want to look him up, remembering that his last name was something you couldn't pronounce won't help.
Talk to Merideth. Your parent's don't mean to lie, but you will never move back to Peterborough. In the end, you miss the chance to talk to her and Gabe more than anything.
Speaking of which, be extra good when you're 11, because when 12 rolls around, your life is going to fall apart. Your grandfather is going to die, your parents will lose everything. You will lose most things. Your Voltron, your collection of harmonica's, your home, your friends, your dog, Prince.
. The biggest good that comes of it, is, while living down there, you meet a girl you fall in love with the first time you're with her. She's Jenny's daughter. Kiss her goodbye. If you don't, you'll spend the next 12 years, at least, regretting you didn't. Furthermore, for the love of all that is good, go to HER. Don't wait until she's traveling again, idiot. You can make money and harass the hell out of your folks. It's your perogative.
Surviving middle-school IS doable. You will meet 2 girls who will educate you on just how mean and cruel women can be. They will teach you to hate women. You've been raised to never strike a woman and to whenever possible, never say a slight word against them. When you get older, you'll come to question this wisdom. Instead of living in doubt, here's the decision: Do it, they're not ladies, they're animals. Don't hit stacy, at least not at first. She's just the mouth. Hit linda. Don't fight nice, knock her to the ground and declare, in very loud words so that everyone can hear, "Don't you ever talk to me again, or next time it'll be worse. That goes for you and Stacy and anyone else who doesn't have anything nice to say." You'll get in alot of shit, but it's 7th grade. You won't get in as much trouble as letting the whole situation fester for years on end, only to explode outward. Your parents won't understand. Your teachers won't understand. They come from a different generation, whether bullies took money and made fun of your name. Do it for yourself.
(for the record, I've never been physically violent with a woman, in any way. I do not, however, upon reflection, consider Linda Isgrow and Stacy **** to be women at that time)
Your sister is an idiot, but an innocent one. When she makes friends with mean people, avoid them. Laugh at them. Ignore them. DOn't let it bother you, and no, you'll never score with one of her friends.
Don't bother Rachel, she's got enough issues, and she doesn't like white boys anyway.
Learn how to learn. That's all you need from high school. As you'll find out, graduating doesn't require any kinda grades at all. Just stick to it, and figure out what you need to do to learn material.
Don't spend the entire year staring at the greek girls in your greek language class. Learn as much of the language as you can. The language is almost as pretty as the girls.
Hostess is not your friend. Little Debby is not your friend. The sooner you learn those two lessons, the better.
You will never be as ugly again as you were at the end of 8th grade. Take heart in that.
Just because you change schools doesn't mean you can't play sports.
You won't lose every game that season in soccer. It'll just feel that way. And further, it doesn't matter, because when you're playing, you're free!
Sitting on the rock, overlooking the canopied way back yard is the second closest thing to perfect peaceful solitude you'll ever find, and you'll lose it before you know it. Enjoy it every chance you get.
Get a car and a job as soon as possible. Talk to Carrie. Do you think she's not hinting by being nice? Don't moon over Crystal, she finds... something early on, and boy oh boy, it involves alot of sperm and her own eggs.
RPI is not the beginning of the professional world.
A 3-some will destroy the relationship. It's a fantasy, and if it happens spontaniously, great. (it never will, btw). Don't force it, people just get hurt.
Don't miss her wedding. If you followed my earlier advice, it may also be your's. Failing that, and you followed my path, tell her how she feels before she walks down the Aisle. Good grief, it's not like her groom will treat her well. You can't possibly damage THAT marriage. Further, you've been exchanging letters for years, but you need to tell her how you feel IN PERSON, with words. Flying across country just to talk to her might qualify as action, but be clear damn it.
Don't ever say anything to spare feelings when the above mentioned girl is involved. She'll find out, take it the wrong way, be hurt, and move further away.
Change your name early, perhaps right after your grandfather dies. People have too much difficulty pronouncing it as it is. Either pick Orion, like the constellation or Ori. I'd recommend the former, but chose the latter because it was an easier change to make psychologically when i went to college.
Cub Scouts is great, but don't cheat on your arrow's! Work at it. Speaking of which, don't let dad give all those boxes of chocolate bars to that weird man for the fund raiser. He's just ripping off the cub scouts. Worlds greatest chocolate... *drool*
Don't worry about cleaning up your room. Do it when told, but if you don't do it, don't regret it. You're wasting emotional energy, probably your most taxed feature in life.
Don't stress about homework. Do it or don't do it. Just don't stress so much about it. This becomes a pattern in life you don't successfully break until it's too late to help high school grades. It is important to remember that just because you're intellegent, you will EVENTUALLY have to do homework! Get in the habit earlier than 10th grade.
Don't leave that note in the desk. It's not their fault, it's either Linda/Stacy's for saying those things, or your OWN fault for not standing up to them or perhaps getting clarification on those assignments. Oh, yeah, doing your homework would help too. but, if you get to the point where you are thinking of leaving that note in the chair, just under the seat, don't. Take it home and burn it. Let the evil energies burn away also.
Practice your german when you take that class. Sure, the teacher's a pain in the butt, but do you want to go to Germany or not?
It's not your parent's or your own fault that he fell and broke his back. It was the ice, on the step, before you were awake. Take care of your dad, though, he's going to go through hell for the next few years.
Don't show this note to your shrink. She thinks your a mature, intellegent, well adjusting boy. Let her think that, your parents have more important places to spend the money.
Your goal is to live with no regrets. Take on the policy, as early as possible, to never lie. You will find this policy later in life, and it'll be the halmark of your life (that and you're a horny bastard. What you're doing, it's called masturbation, and it's fine. just don't get caught doing it, because your folk's feel it's taboo). The sooner you learn to never lie, the better.
All of your regrets in life will boil down to two things: Not taking action when it was clearly desirable, and telling lies to spare people's feelings.
Love,
You, in 16 years.
Now, 3 am in the morning, i find myself unable to sleep if i don't write something.
Dear 8 year old Orion,
Yes, you're in therapy now, but it'll be alright. You will be fine. You'll adjust to mom's disease better than almost anyone. What you're experiencing now is nothing, wait another few years. Listen to what she says. Yes, vacuum's really do leave tracks. No, don't watch Alien/Aliens, for goodness sakes, you're STILL dealing with the results of watching Poltergeist 3 years ago!
Write down Guy's last name. Better yet, have his mom do it. Years later, when you want to look him up, remembering that his last name was something you couldn't pronounce won't help.
Talk to Merideth. Your parent's don't mean to lie, but you will never move back to Peterborough. In the end, you miss the chance to talk to her and Gabe more than anything.
Speaking of which, be extra good when you're 11, because when 12 rolls around, your life is going to fall apart. Your grandfather is going to die, your parents will lose everything. You will lose most things. Your Voltron, your collection of harmonica's, your home, your friends, your dog, Prince.
. The biggest good that comes of it, is, while living down there, you meet a girl you fall in love with the first time you're with her. She's Jenny's daughter. Kiss her goodbye. If you don't, you'll spend the next 12 years, at least, regretting you didn't. Furthermore, for the love of all that is good, go to HER. Don't wait until she's traveling again, idiot. You can make money and harass the hell out of your folks. It's your perogative.
Surviving middle-school IS doable. You will meet 2 girls who will educate you on just how mean and cruel women can be. They will teach you to hate women. You've been raised to never strike a woman and to whenever possible, never say a slight word against them. When you get older, you'll come to question this wisdom. Instead of living in doubt, here's the decision: Do it, they're not ladies, they're animals. Don't hit stacy, at least not at first. She's just the mouth. Hit linda. Don't fight nice, knock her to the ground and declare, in very loud words so that everyone can hear, "Don't you ever talk to me again, or next time it'll be worse. That goes for you and Stacy and anyone else who doesn't have anything nice to say." You'll get in alot of shit, but it's 7th grade. You won't get in as much trouble as letting the whole situation fester for years on end, only to explode outward. Your parents won't understand. Your teachers won't understand. They come from a different generation, whether bullies took money and made fun of your name. Do it for yourself.
(for the record, I've never been physically violent with a woman, in any way. I do not, however, upon reflection, consider Linda Isgrow and Stacy **** to be women at that time)
Your sister is an idiot, but an innocent one. When she makes friends with mean people, avoid them. Laugh at them. Ignore them. DOn't let it bother you, and no, you'll never score with one of her friends.
Don't bother Rachel, she's got enough issues, and she doesn't like white boys anyway.
Learn how to learn. That's all you need from high school. As you'll find out, graduating doesn't require any kinda grades at all. Just stick to it, and figure out what you need to do to learn material.
Don't spend the entire year staring at the greek girls in your greek language class. Learn as much of the language as you can. The language is almost as pretty as the girls.
Hostess is not your friend. Little Debby is not your friend. The sooner you learn those two lessons, the better.
You will never be as ugly again as you were at the end of 8th grade. Take heart in that.
Just because you change schools doesn't mean you can't play sports.
You won't lose every game that season in soccer. It'll just feel that way. And further, it doesn't matter, because when you're playing, you're free!
Sitting on the rock, overlooking the canopied way back yard is the second closest thing to perfect peaceful solitude you'll ever find, and you'll lose it before you know it. Enjoy it every chance you get.
Get a car and a job as soon as possible. Talk to Carrie. Do you think she's not hinting by being nice? Don't moon over Crystal, she finds... something early on, and boy oh boy, it involves alot of sperm and her own eggs.
RPI is not the beginning of the professional world.
A 3-some will destroy the relationship. It's a fantasy, and if it happens spontaniously, great. (it never will, btw). Don't force it, people just get hurt.
Don't miss her wedding. If you followed my earlier advice, it may also be your's. Failing that, and you followed my path, tell her how she feels before she walks down the Aisle. Good grief, it's not like her groom will treat her well. You can't possibly damage THAT marriage. Further, you've been exchanging letters for years, but you need to tell her how you feel IN PERSON, with words. Flying across country just to talk to her might qualify as action, but be clear damn it.
Don't ever say anything to spare feelings when the above mentioned girl is involved. She'll find out, take it the wrong way, be hurt, and move further away.
Change your name early, perhaps right after your grandfather dies. People have too much difficulty pronouncing it as it is. Either pick Orion, like the constellation or Ori. I'd recommend the former, but chose the latter because it was an easier change to make psychologically when i went to college.
Cub Scouts is great, but don't cheat on your arrow's! Work at it. Speaking of which, don't let dad give all those boxes of chocolate bars to that weird man for the fund raiser. He's just ripping off the cub scouts. Worlds greatest chocolate... *drool*
Don't worry about cleaning up your room. Do it when told, but if you don't do it, don't regret it. You're wasting emotional energy, probably your most taxed feature in life.
Don't stress about homework. Do it or don't do it. Just don't stress so much about it. This becomes a pattern in life you don't successfully break until it's too late to help high school grades. It is important to remember that just because you're intellegent, you will EVENTUALLY have to do homework! Get in the habit earlier than 10th grade.
Don't leave that note in the desk. It's not their fault, it's either Linda/Stacy's for saying those things, or your OWN fault for not standing up to them or perhaps getting clarification on those assignments. Oh, yeah, doing your homework would help too. but, if you get to the point where you are thinking of leaving that note in the chair, just under the seat, don't. Take it home and burn it. Let the evil energies burn away also.
Practice your german when you take that class. Sure, the teacher's a pain in the butt, but do you want to go to Germany or not?
It's not your parent's or your own fault that he fell and broke his back. It was the ice, on the step, before you were awake. Take care of your dad, though, he's going to go through hell for the next few years.
Don't show this note to your shrink. She thinks your a mature, intellegent, well adjusting boy. Let her think that, your parents have more important places to spend the money.
Your goal is to live with no regrets. Take on the policy, as early as possible, to never lie. You will find this policy later in life, and it'll be the halmark of your life (that and you're a horny bastard. What you're doing, it's called masturbation, and it's fine. just don't get caught doing it, because your folk's feel it's taboo). The sooner you learn to never lie, the better.
All of your regrets in life will boil down to two things: Not taking action when it was clearly desirable, and telling lies to spare people's feelings.
Love,
You, in 16 years.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
If i write too much/too many journal replies, i'm sorry. feel free to delete them. I get carried away.
yet at the end, you decide that maybe you would change nothing.