honeycrack

ooooooookay.. so ive had a very hard time through the holidays... i lost my father this year and everything is a first again... first halloween without him, my first birthday without him, my first baby was born without him, my first christmas without him...
its just an inevitable part of being human.. sometimes the pain of loss can hit you sooo hard its unbearable...
i cant tell you how many times ive prayed and wished just to see him or hear his voice,

and then there are these times that i feel paranoid that he can see what im doing.. wether it be having sex with my fiance, sitting on the toilet or just anything that is either intamate or would be embarassing for him to see...
or that he can read my thoughts..


Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.