honeycrack

IM GOING TO THE BAHAMAS! And i cant wait!... warm beaches, sun.. god knows my creamy white ass could use a little of that!.. i nnnnneeeeeeeeeeddddddd a vacation sooo bad! great timing

ooooooookay.. so ive had a very hard time through the holidays... i lost my father this year and everything is a first again... first halloween without him, my first birthday without him, my first baby was born without him, my first christmas without him...
its just an inevitable part of being human.. sometimes the pain of loss can hit you sooo hard its unbearable...
i...
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Ahhh... the life of a new mother.. i cant tell you how much i love my little girl... she is just such a good baby.. i am truly blessed to have the opportunity to experince this part of being a human..

still alive, new baby, no time, no sleep.. love her to death!!

so, ive decided to come back to the site.... hopefully there wont be any drama or strange things this time... not much is new.... still bartenending... oooo .. got a new tattooo... its a huge stargazer lily on my left rib cage.... still more work to be done..... just have to pick up my guts and get the rest.... that is a painful spot!!!

I GOT A NEW(ER) CAARRR!!

Ive been driving this hunk of a buick around for 4 years... and as soon as i had it paid off it started falling apart on me... i just couldnt see having to fix something that cost 400 dollars on a car that isnt worth that much... sooo

I GOT A NEW(ER) CAAAARRR!!

Its a 2001 dodge stratus 2 door...
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darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking
hopeful enbraces
don't you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where
no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

i play dead
it stops the hurting
i play dead
and hurting stops

it's sometimes just like sleeping
curling up inside...
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so i was feeling pretty down last night and i wrote this..

sitin here thinking of how pointless it is for me to be here..
what a waste...
what a waste of space

not worth it..
not worth a single thing..
dont deserve it
what made me think i did

just another dying hope
lost with the passing of another year

just wasted space
in...
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well.. its another beautiful day!! .. when the weather is like this, everyone is just soo different.. i know my father is a pretty big guy... and this 80 degree weather is great for him... especially after those hot ass days...

anyway.. i went fishing this morning... didnt catch a fucking thing.. but it was nice and relaxing out on the lake... watching turtles and...
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well.. its a beautiful day here... nice sun.. only about 80 degrees... already went and played a round of frisbee golf... im not good.. but its a blast.. dont know whats up for the rest of the day... prolly bar-b-que later tonight

OH ... and the UFC (ultimate fighting championship) is showing tonight on TV... i love that stuff.. id loooove to see one live.....