honeychile007

I feel rather...impotent.

We have yet to find a new counter person or piercer, and it's not for lack of trying. Which leads to a very tight schedule for all involved.

My very good friend's father has been fighting cancer for years, and now it looks like he's going to lose the fight soon. This is a good family. Good, caring, wonderful people. I'm a better person just by knowing them. And it's breaking my heart.

My former fiance's grandma's just been given two months left. She's infected with cancer as well. She's on bed rest and is delirious. And he's taking it rough. I just want to be there for him. To help in anyway I can. But he won't ask. I know him. He broke up with me, using me as a rock to lean on is something that he feels he no longer has the right to ask for. Which is true. But this is his grandma. I know what losing a grandma is like.

And then there's my grandma. She's never taken care of herself. And now it's all coming back tenfold. I hate calling her, because the last few times the conversation has been her wishing she were just dead already. I don't want to hear my grandma talk like that. I love my grandma. She really only has herself to blame for her health, and that upsets me. She should have eaten better, and not smoked since she was 9. But there's nothing I can do about it.

There's nothing I can do about any of it. Which is why I feel impotent. I hate feeling powerless. I hate it more than heartache.