As the soothesayer once said to Julius Caesar, "Beware the Ides of March!" Other than the fact that it's Monday and my job is hanging by a thread, I suppose it's not as bad as March 15th is historically known to be.
Let's see...I went to Tijuana with dclxvi on Saturday. Since we were with her family, getting drunk and throwing money at strippers and hookers was pretty much out (much to the happiness of my wallet). However, being the pirate that I am, smuggling was in! Normally this would just consist of picking up some antibiotics, painkillers, and maybe an immigrant or two, but this trip I really pushed the federal limits. Without going into incriminating detail, let's just say I should have no shortage of narcotics, stem cells, or young children to test them out on for awhile.
Fortuntately for me, I am what U.S. law-enforcement deems "non-suspicious", which to the best I can tell means "white". The blonde hair and blue eyes are just icing on the cake. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily condone reverse criminal profiling (law-abiding citizen profiling?), but I certainly recognize that it takes place and you better believe I'm going to use it to my advantage.
There is a flip side to that coin, however. Being white can work against you sometimes, such as on LAPD applications, when walking the streets of south central LA at night, and any situation involving you and a Mexican police officer. For those of you unfamiliar with how the "law" works in TJ, be prepared to shell out all of the money you have in your pockets or go to jail. Sometimes both. I've heard the stories from both friends and relatives who have had their run-ins with Mexican law, but it wasn't until last year that I had my first close call...
I was actually in line to get back into the land of Milk and Honey (and bathrooms with soap and running water) when disaster struck. I was playing around with a pocket knife I had picked up at one of the local stores. Seeing that I was mere meters from freedom and that his chances to fuck with me were dwindling, a local cop leapt on the opportunity. He knocked on my window, confiscated my knife, and started to explain the high crime I had committed by brandishing this highly illegal weapon and threatened to take me to jail. Of course, when I tried to interject, he suddenly didn't speak english anymore. Things were not looking good for me and reinforcements were showing up. Fortunately, I had a secret weapon: my native Mexcian roomate was in the car with me! And let me tell you, Hell hath no fury like the rantings of a drunken mexican woman about to lose her ride back into the US. For about 5 minutes straight all you could hear was the wild turkey gobbling of spanish coming out of her mouth at 500 mph. I almost felt sorry for the guy (not really). Finally, without saying a word, the cop closed my knife, tossed it back in my lap, and took off with his tail between his legs! Sometimes it's good to have high friends in low places...
Well, that about wraps it up for this journal entry. Not only is it WAY too long, but I see my friend Brutus signalling for me to come over, as if he has something important to tell me...
Let's see...I went to Tijuana with dclxvi on Saturday. Since we were with her family, getting drunk and throwing money at strippers and hookers was pretty much out (much to the happiness of my wallet). However, being the pirate that I am, smuggling was in! Normally this would just consist of picking up some antibiotics, painkillers, and maybe an immigrant or two, but this trip I really pushed the federal limits. Without going into incriminating detail, let's just say I should have no shortage of narcotics, stem cells, or young children to test them out on for awhile.
Fortuntately for me, I am what U.S. law-enforcement deems "non-suspicious", which to the best I can tell means "white". The blonde hair and blue eyes are just icing on the cake. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily condone reverse criminal profiling (law-abiding citizen profiling?), but I certainly recognize that it takes place and you better believe I'm going to use it to my advantage.
There is a flip side to that coin, however. Being white can work against you sometimes, such as on LAPD applications, when walking the streets of south central LA at night, and any situation involving you and a Mexican police officer. For those of you unfamiliar with how the "law" works in TJ, be prepared to shell out all of the money you have in your pockets or go to jail. Sometimes both. I've heard the stories from both friends and relatives who have had their run-ins with Mexican law, but it wasn't until last year that I had my first close call...
I was actually in line to get back into the land of Milk and Honey (and bathrooms with soap and running water) when disaster struck. I was playing around with a pocket knife I had picked up at one of the local stores. Seeing that I was mere meters from freedom and that his chances to fuck with me were dwindling, a local cop leapt on the opportunity. He knocked on my window, confiscated my knife, and started to explain the high crime I had committed by brandishing this highly illegal weapon and threatened to take me to jail. Of course, when I tried to interject, he suddenly didn't speak english anymore. Things were not looking good for me and reinforcements were showing up. Fortunately, I had a secret weapon: my native Mexcian roomate was in the car with me! And let me tell you, Hell hath no fury like the rantings of a drunken mexican woman about to lose her ride back into the US. For about 5 minutes straight all you could hear was the wild turkey gobbling of spanish coming out of her mouth at 500 mph. I almost felt sorry for the guy (not really). Finally, without saying a word, the cop closed my knife, tossed it back in my lap, and took off with his tail between his legs! Sometimes it's good to have high friends in low places...
Well, that about wraps it up for this journal entry. Not only is it WAY too long, but I see my friend Brutus signalling for me to come over, as if he has something important to tell me...
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
oh and heres to being non-suspicious!
yeah, i'm really and truly confined in terms of my internet usage... glad you understand that as alot of folks don't lol... that's why i'm posting before i get a chance to read your journal entry... but yeah, i'll talk to you soon, yeah?
k