What's worse than my husband's drinking?
Child Protective Services.
I may have walked out on him, deep in the middle of the night...but it was never my intention to:
a) never see him again, or
b) keep him from the children.
We've had CPS involved in our lives once before, and it wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I'd imagined it might be. My husband grew up on foster care and holds deep hate for the agency...but even HE warmed up to our worker and we actually got a lot out of the experience. We were able to have a counselor come to our house once a week, and we got free day care for our oldest son, which was a blessing for all of us. Even when he was abusing his ADD/ADHD medication and I called my worker and declared I was practically packing my bags as we spoke...they never made any of us the enemy...in fact, they seemed to genuinely care about not only me and the kids, but my husband as well. Truth be told, I was kind of sad when we closed up the case so we could move to Texas.
However...it turns out that CPS in Texas is an entirely different thing. It IS exactly the thing that nightmares are made of. When I mentioned CPS involvement to one of the ladies on my floor in the shelter, she said that CPS had come TO the shelter and taken her kids, straight from her arms. She told me the story, and I'm sure it was one sided...but nonetheless, it scared me to death. I said, "CPS" and it was like, all their ears perked, and they jumped to attention, gathering around and warning me, warning me, warning me...
Even the counselor I went to see in shelter warned me. She said that in Texas, CPS's philosophy is that BOTH parents are abusive and/or neglectful, and that indeed I WAS in danger of losing my children because I had allowed "it" to happen before.
I've met with the CPS worker...once. I told her the story of my family and she made me sign a piece of paper stating that I would not bring the kids around my husband unsupervised. And then she disappeared as if into a cloud of magical smoke...never to be seen or heard from again.
I called her to let her know when my husband got into detox and I left shelter for the hotel, but she didn't seem impressed.
My husband called her to tell her he was on the waiting list for the 3 month program in San Antonio, but she wasn't impressed.
Not even when my husband asked SPECIFICALLY what course of action he needed to take to have this "daddy ban" lifted, did she have answers.
All she's ever said to me is, "sign this paper," "you'll probably have to take a parenting skills class...", and "we're opening a case..." But she's made no move to assist me in finding this class, or inform me what our "case" will entail. She hasn't even called to check in on the family. If she had, she'd know how much MORE stressful our lives are now due to the "daddy ban."
It's been three weeks now and she's never picked up the phone to contact either one of us.
My husband spent at least two days trying to track her down so he could fax her a "release" in hopes that we may be able to have the sober shelter he's living in declared a "safe zone" for him to visit with the kids.
It's really just fucking ridiculous. How can they claim to protect my children when they're not even calling to ask if we're OK? Does she know if my kids are stressed or sad because they can't see Daddy? Do they know how stressed MOMMY is? No, and I suspect they don't care.
Again...this all just makes me wonder if leaving that night was the right thing to do, even though both my husband and I agree that it definitely WAS. The mess that CPS is making in our lives, causing strife without reason, complicating an already complicated situation...is totally uncalled for... I don't feel strong for having left, now I just feel like an asshole...and I'm pretty sure that wasn't what I was going for when I walked out.
CPS=major fail
Child Protective Services.
I may have walked out on him, deep in the middle of the night...but it was never my intention to:
a) never see him again, or
b) keep him from the children.
We've had CPS involved in our lives once before, and it wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I'd imagined it might be. My husband grew up on foster care and holds deep hate for the agency...but even HE warmed up to our worker and we actually got a lot out of the experience. We were able to have a counselor come to our house once a week, and we got free day care for our oldest son, which was a blessing for all of us. Even when he was abusing his ADD/ADHD medication and I called my worker and declared I was practically packing my bags as we spoke...they never made any of us the enemy...in fact, they seemed to genuinely care about not only me and the kids, but my husband as well. Truth be told, I was kind of sad when we closed up the case so we could move to Texas.
However...it turns out that CPS in Texas is an entirely different thing. It IS exactly the thing that nightmares are made of. When I mentioned CPS involvement to one of the ladies on my floor in the shelter, she said that CPS had come TO the shelter and taken her kids, straight from her arms. She told me the story, and I'm sure it was one sided...but nonetheless, it scared me to death. I said, "CPS" and it was like, all their ears perked, and they jumped to attention, gathering around and warning me, warning me, warning me...
Even the counselor I went to see in shelter warned me. She said that in Texas, CPS's philosophy is that BOTH parents are abusive and/or neglectful, and that indeed I WAS in danger of losing my children because I had allowed "it" to happen before.
I've met with the CPS worker...once. I told her the story of my family and she made me sign a piece of paper stating that I would not bring the kids around my husband unsupervised. And then she disappeared as if into a cloud of magical smoke...never to be seen or heard from again.
I called her to let her know when my husband got into detox and I left shelter for the hotel, but she didn't seem impressed.
My husband called her to tell her he was on the waiting list for the 3 month program in San Antonio, but she wasn't impressed.
Not even when my husband asked SPECIFICALLY what course of action he needed to take to have this "daddy ban" lifted, did she have answers.
All she's ever said to me is, "sign this paper," "you'll probably have to take a parenting skills class...", and "we're opening a case..." But she's made no move to assist me in finding this class, or inform me what our "case" will entail. She hasn't even called to check in on the family. If she had, she'd know how much MORE stressful our lives are now due to the "daddy ban."
It's been three weeks now and she's never picked up the phone to contact either one of us.
My husband spent at least two days trying to track her down so he could fax her a "release" in hopes that we may be able to have the sober shelter he's living in declared a "safe zone" for him to visit with the kids.
It's really just fucking ridiculous. How can they claim to protect my children when they're not even calling to ask if we're OK? Does she know if my kids are stressed or sad because they can't see Daddy? Do they know how stressed MOMMY is? No, and I suspect they don't care.
Again...this all just makes me wonder if leaving that night was the right thing to do, even though both my husband and I agree that it definitely WAS. The mess that CPS is making in our lives, causing strife without reason, complicating an already complicated situation...is totally uncalled for... I don't feel strong for having left, now I just feel like an asshole...and I'm pretty sure that wasn't what I was going for when I walked out.
CPS=major fail
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
if the texas CPS' mo is to punish women for leaving an abusive situation...leading to another abusive situation within the system itself, then the system is broken. shit that sounds like a word problem. i still think you acted like the best mother those boys could have. so sorry its put you in a nightmare. hang in there mama.