It seems that changing my perception created the small miracle I needed...at least well enough so that I'm not miserable anymore.
My biggest pet peeve? Is that he doesn't seem to get what my upset is.
For him...the situation we're in is paradise. He's in love with being in love...he's in love with the quiet, solitary life he's built up here. I can't blame him for that...being 20 years my senior...he's already done the wife and kids, living in the city, touring the world as a guitar tech, partying like a rockstar gig. He's not only over it...but looks back on it with disdain.
So he doesn't 'get' that what he hates is exactly what I WANT. He doesn't understand that I'm not done with that part of my life yet. Not ready to be the quiet little wifey up here in the middle of nowhere. He doesn't understand that while I love him as a friend...I'm not INTO him that way. That maybe HE enjoys the 24/7 codependent lifestyle...I don't.
I've been forced to be independent...looking out for myself since the age of 14. Never had anyone to rely on...no place to come home to. Just me against the world. And for the past 8 years I've lived alone. I've always been a loner, that's kinda the way I like it. So to have someone all up in my space 24/7 doesn't make me happy.
It's true...we get out and be social every now and again. God knows there's some kind of hotrod/drag racing/car thing just about every weekend. And his friends are great...but when we all hang out...it's like, I'm on their turf. They already know each other...they don't know who I am or what I'm doing there. So he gets to be social...and I just stand there looking pretty and not talking to anyone. Especially because most of the people we see are dudes...dudes who aren't going to talk to me 'cuz I'm a chick...or dudes hanging with their girlfriends...
Everyone I meet has a significant other. And even if they didn't, they'd never step on his toes... Even if they know we're not dating...(which they all assume we are) they know he's into me...so there goes that.
Luckily...I've found myself a chick MY AGE to hang out with. She knows the situation I'm in and so does her boyfriend (also a friend of mine)...and they help to validate my feelings, my experience, and give me support.
It doesn't stop him from getting sulky whenever I want to do something with someother OTHER than him...
Like last weekend when we were out at El Mirage watching the lake bed racing...and he offered to take me for a ride in the hotrod and I declined (he's already taken me for a ride in that thing)... But when my girl friend was driving it and wanted to give me a ride over to the magical flat black minivan so I could drive it back over to where we were hanging out...I jumped at the chance...and reported that it was way more fun with her driving...because not only is it a hot car...but when you put two hot chicks into it...it's unbelievable! Pussy power!!!
Nope, he didn't get it...instead he got all sulky and made it all about him.
Instead he borrowed someone else's hotrod and took my girlfriend for a ride in it without offering to take me.
I mean, what are we? Children?
WTF?
So yeah, we've still got some stuff to work out. But it's not all bad. It's not like he's a bad guy. Even though he's more of a woman that I am...lol...
I still believe that coming up here was the right thing to do.
In less than a month we'll be taking a metal working class from a big guy in the industry (so i'm told, i've never seen his work and all i know for sure is that he's a dirty old man).
Truth is, even with the sale of the DeSoto, I won't have the means to get out of here.
But I have to believe that's all part of the universe's plan as well...and that things will play out the way they're supposed to. I'll learn the lessons I'm supposed to and be shown my next move when it's time.
Until then...I'll just keep doing what I'm doing...try not to think about the bad stuff and keep reminding myself to change my perception.
For right NOW though...I've got to get back to be burried in layers of velvet...making myself a renaisance dress for Halloween...and then it's back to working on the DeSoto...it's NEARLY done...if I push Moldy I can have that bitch in primer by Thursday...(not finished mind you...but at least all one fucking color!).
And Saturday...it's party time...
My biggest pet peeve? Is that he doesn't seem to get what my upset is.
For him...the situation we're in is paradise. He's in love with being in love...he's in love with the quiet, solitary life he's built up here. I can't blame him for that...being 20 years my senior...he's already done the wife and kids, living in the city, touring the world as a guitar tech, partying like a rockstar gig. He's not only over it...but looks back on it with disdain.
So he doesn't 'get' that what he hates is exactly what I WANT. He doesn't understand that I'm not done with that part of my life yet. Not ready to be the quiet little wifey up here in the middle of nowhere. He doesn't understand that while I love him as a friend...I'm not INTO him that way. That maybe HE enjoys the 24/7 codependent lifestyle...I don't.
I've been forced to be independent...looking out for myself since the age of 14. Never had anyone to rely on...no place to come home to. Just me against the world. And for the past 8 years I've lived alone. I've always been a loner, that's kinda the way I like it. So to have someone all up in my space 24/7 doesn't make me happy.
It's true...we get out and be social every now and again. God knows there's some kind of hotrod/drag racing/car thing just about every weekend. And his friends are great...but when we all hang out...it's like, I'm on their turf. They already know each other...they don't know who I am or what I'm doing there. So he gets to be social...and I just stand there looking pretty and not talking to anyone. Especially because most of the people we see are dudes...dudes who aren't going to talk to me 'cuz I'm a chick...or dudes hanging with their girlfriends...
Everyone I meet has a significant other. And even if they didn't, they'd never step on his toes... Even if they know we're not dating...(which they all assume we are) they know he's into me...so there goes that.
Luckily...I've found myself a chick MY AGE to hang out with. She knows the situation I'm in and so does her boyfriend (also a friend of mine)...and they help to validate my feelings, my experience, and give me support.
It doesn't stop him from getting sulky whenever I want to do something with someother OTHER than him...
Like last weekend when we were out at El Mirage watching the lake bed racing...and he offered to take me for a ride in the hotrod and I declined (he's already taken me for a ride in that thing)... But when my girl friend was driving it and wanted to give me a ride over to the magical flat black minivan so I could drive it back over to where we were hanging out...I jumped at the chance...and reported that it was way more fun with her driving...because not only is it a hot car...but when you put two hot chicks into it...it's unbelievable! Pussy power!!!
Nope, he didn't get it...instead he got all sulky and made it all about him.
Instead he borrowed someone else's hotrod and took my girlfriend for a ride in it without offering to take me.
I mean, what are we? Children?
WTF?
So yeah, we've still got some stuff to work out. But it's not all bad. It's not like he's a bad guy. Even though he's more of a woman that I am...lol...
I still believe that coming up here was the right thing to do.
In less than a month we'll be taking a metal working class from a big guy in the industry (so i'm told, i've never seen his work and all i know for sure is that he's a dirty old man).
Truth is, even with the sale of the DeSoto, I won't have the means to get out of here.
But I have to believe that's all part of the universe's plan as well...and that things will play out the way they're supposed to. I'll learn the lessons I'm supposed to and be shown my next move when it's time.
Until then...I'll just keep doing what I'm doing...try not to think about the bad stuff and keep reminding myself to change my perception.
For right NOW though...I've got to get back to be burried in layers of velvet...making myself a renaisance dress for Halloween...and then it's back to working on the DeSoto...it's NEARLY done...if I push Moldy I can have that bitch in primer by Thursday...(not finished mind you...but at least all one fucking color!).
And Saturday...it's party time...
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
r0nin:
If only I could find a woman in Illinois who likes drag racing and whiskey... Life would be sweet! 
papawheelie:
I have to look through his eyes for a minute and say I can't blame the guy one bit for getting all gooey over you... you are totally the "dream prize" for a guy with that kind of lifestyle.