hockeyjunkie

........

I know that a part of me wants to go see Jake.
I know that a part of me wants to go see Sam.
I know that most of me wants to stay right here and see what's going to happen with Code.

See...I just met my first new friend in Reno. His name is Code and he's wicked sweet. We went to Mcdonalds and then sat in my car and talked for THREE HOURS. He did a lot of the talking, and I did a LOT of laughing.

I know that Code and I could be really good friends. I think this is the reason I wanted to get out of town and go see Jake...or Sam... But now I have a friend to hang out with here in town. He works during the day, but he gets off shortly after I wake up. And he wants to get out of the house almost as much as I do. So we could hang out a lot. And even when I find a job, we'd still have plenty of time to hang out. I think there could be a real friendship in the works here.

My obsession with Jake and Sam was...well...trying to see if I'd missed something in my male friendships. I wanted a relationship so desperately bad after Joshua, that I would have taken anyone. After a long conversation with my best friend C'Lee, I realized this. I was bordering between a manic and a depressive episode. My mind and my body wasn't sure what was going on in either region. It's taking some time, but I'm realizing that having a relationship isn't that important. What my obsession blossomed from was the fact that I had no friends and nothing to do all day. Now I have a friend.

So maybe Jake or Sam or somebody will come along one day and sweep me off my feet...but for now, I'm glad I found a new friend. And I'm glad he's such a nice guy.

(my obsession of seeing if male friends can be more still stalks my mind. i do wonder if Code and I could be more...but I do know that right now, I love just hanging out with him.)