hockeyjunkie

It didn't work. He kissed me, and while he is a great kisser, I didn't feel a spark. Luckily we were open about it. He felt something, I didn't. Which made me feel really bad. He keeps telling me not to feel bad, that I didn't fuck anything up. But I can't help it. I knew that it would happen this way. Self-fulfilling prophecy? I think so. I'm looking for something incredible, fireworks, she-bangs, the whole fucking deal. Maybe I'm looking for/expecting too much? I don't know. I'm just so lonely, I didn't want to attach myself to the first person that came along. He would have been good for me. He's sweet, kind, caring, full of compliments, devoted...and I'm an emotional basketcase. He shouldn't have to deal with that. I'm just gonna curl up in a little ball and dream of one day finding that spark that I once had with Joshua.

Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I've set my standards too high. Joshua seemed perfect; he treated me right (most the time) and there was a possibility of a future.

I'm 21 years old. When I was about 14, I believed that I would be engaged by this time. I was going to be married by 22/23. My problem is I set limits and expectations upon myself that are impossible to grasp. I hate dating. There, I said it. I hate dating. That's why I just want to fall in love and be done with it.

I'm an older woman trapped inside of a young girl's body. Can anybody help me save myself?