hlatus

It's been a long time since I've written. I feel like I'm wandering between worlds right now, one that's normal... apathetic... and one that's full of sadness, guilt, and regret. I hate that word: regret. Maybe this is why the worlds are becoming blurred, the apathetic one is that of my own creation as a way to protect myself from that word. The human mind...
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So I'm drunk I believe... I've had the estimatee amount that makes me "drunk"... two beers and two rather whicked white russians... the white russians i proportion wrong with too much vodka and too much kahlua. too little soy milk I think. This DVD keeps skipping and I keep asking it why. Tin Man... it's a strange version of Wizard of Oz... I think strange...
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Today's been a long day. A very long day. I started with driving to San Marcos. After I got home from San Marcos, I drove to Killeen, and then after coming back from Killeen, drove to Dripping Springs. Grier and Danielle got married tonight in a wonderful ceremony. They combined Christian, Buddhist, and Pagan tradition. The tradition I was most fascinated with, of course, was...
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I'm a little late on this only because I promised my little sister on another blog site I wouldn't talk about it in my blogs. Luckily she doesn't know about this one, but it's been hard to get the motivation to talk about such a depressing issue.

The bail-out passed.

We all knew it would, but sometimes we have to hold onto hope that the...
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Friends... we are headed towards a depression. The senate voted yesterday on the new version of the $700 billion bail-out and accepted it. In this bill the FDIC insured amount for bank accounts will go up to $250,000 and businesses and "middle class" will be given $100 billion in tax breaks. Our two mainstage candidates for president both voted yea on this bill. Now it's...
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I'm actually not tired... it's amazing. 5:30 in the morning and I'm still going. Only on my second beer too! Awesome.
Anyhow... I have many different things to talk about tonight. First off... I'm really excited. I have an English research paper that is due next month (?)... and I chose to do it on Anarchism - philosophies, social implications, and presence in America. I...
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"So kids, I'm here today to talk to you about AIDS. Did you know...." that each time you look in the mirror your image never changes and you only grow with it? It's the same for people you've known all your life. You look at pictures when you were young and they were young and wonder if that was really you in that picture. We...
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My mind seems full. I can't shut it up. No matter how much I wrote and put my ideas and feelings down on this screen, my mind seems to think it's not enough. What else is there though?

I finished reading Chuck Palahniuk's book Invisible Monsters tonight. It's a fascinating book with fascinating ideas... one of the few fiction books that actually have a very...
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After much debate, thought, and some time with friends... I have decided that human kind is not worth completely giving up on.

Anyhow... life seems to trudge onward through the existential marsh purely with hope for something better... something more. I imagine now that my lack of social interaction is for more specific reasoning... perhaps to filter out those who I know will be completely...
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Tonight I've pondered many things including the reason for being. What is my divine purpose in life? A friend put it to me that our purpose is to participate in the complexity of the universe... and left it at that. I believe that is the terminology he used... if not, I do apologize I've had a good buzz going all night and am not all...
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There are a million and one thoughts that flow through my head at every given moment. I've learned quite effectively to quiet them somewhat or at least how to find the on i want to focus on at that given moment in time, but sometimes i just don't know what to focus on and it gets to an overwhelming degree. When my ex would complain...
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