hippomonki

i suppose this post is just an odd one... i've come to notice that it's really tricky when you find glimpses of yourself, but only because it makes you wonder why other things don't bring that out....

lately i have really been trying to figure out who i am or i guess who i want to be, and where the parts of me i identify myself with have gone......

some times i wonder if certain parts of me that'vs been around lately are the me i'll be sometime in the future, like i found it too early or something, i dunno...

i miss there being some sort of certainty or real stability in my life, i have a hard time dealing with not knowing...

've also begun to wonder if feeling real happiness made me lazy in making my own happiness....
i guess over all there has just been a whole lot of wondering and wandering really.....

maybe the crazy ups and downs this july have kinda made me not give an Eff who any one else wants me to be, trying to be that person has kinda ruined who i was so secure in being what seems like so long ago now...

i miss the confidence and happiness of that ideal me....
i dunno where it all went though, and i also dunno if it's just something i have put in my own head that i was, but what ever it is/ was i want it back....

like it says next to my picture....

I believe in myself slowly
It takes all of the doubt Ive got
It takes my wonder... "

E

a little extra sadness to balance out thursdaynights happiness hs occurred...
thursday night i got to meet long time sg friend boosy, he was in america touring with his band, we had a great meeting and he gave me an awesome band shirt...
tonight on my home after going to see djs matt rock and mr clean at noir i lost my new shirt i ws so looking forward to sleeping in it!
i am a sad monki i totally feel liek a five year old who has just lost their favorite blanky or some other nonsense....
thing that really sucks, it seems like noir is the place i loose stuff after the most, and i dont even drink when i'm there!