I was seriously planning on writing another one of those huge entries. I'm kind of tired tonight though, so you're saved. I'll keep this one to a minimum.
I'm preparing to quit my job. No, I haven't started looking for new work yet. However, several job opportunities are starting to present themselves (even if they are as simple as standing at a corner whoring out Greenpeace) and I think that when the time comes, I shouldn't have too much difficulty in finding an alternate income.
On Friday through Sunday I closed the restaurant, and every night I left work feeling angry about my job. Well as I've mentioned, this Thursday is the last "Hang the DJ" at Lucky, and on Friday there is a show there that I had planned to attend. Guess what the schedule says? I'm supposed to close *both* of those nights. I left a note for my boss and told him that I can't work it. I'll work in the evening, but I will not stay late to close.
I'm approaching this proactively too. I will see if there is anyone available to close instead of me that night. I'll offer to come in early, do whatever I need to... but I'm not staying late. If all else fails, I'm prepared to walk.
I have about 400 in vacation pay due my way, and I've worked enough now that my next paycheck should be a full 400 as well. So with the money that I already have coming to me, I already have at least enough to cover next months rent and bills. I won't survive long without a job, but I'm confident that I'll find something quickly enough. Maybe I'll take a couple part timers...?
Obviously, the uncertain future of my employment is affecting how I spend (or don't spend) my money. Instead of going out to buy lots of nice things, I've decided to try to conserve what dough I do have for the time being.
I did spend a little bit today though. I picked up my own my own copy of "The Garden of Vegan" now, and I also bought some beer for someone at tattoo zoo, which I promptly exchanged for a t-shirt!
And I saw the Fantastic Four. I don't have the energy to write much about it. It's a good super hero movie though. Definitely worth seeing. I still liked "Howl's Moving Castle" more...
I never got around to my baking yesterday, as I discovered my kitchen was lacking in some essential baking supplies. Most of my morning/early afternoon (yeah! I got up before noon for once! woohoo!) was spent cleaning the apartment. I went shopping today though too, and got a few things I need for the baking (or for my fridge).
So in general, I spent a lot more money today than I wanted to. But it was a productive day, and the money wasn't wasted so I don't feel too badly about it.
A thought occurred to me while I was on my way to Lucky tonight. I've noticed that I feel less lonely lately. Actually, I'm feeling as lonely as ever, but I'm just dealing with it better this month. While I was out today I saw lots of people on the street, and stopped for short conversations, but all in all I was by myself for the majority of the day. And I didn't really mind. It's like I've mentioned before; I don't feel like I'm at a point where I'm going to meet someone who is *right* for me, and so I pretty much put the idea of dating or flirting (or anything) right out of my head. I guess I'm more sincere when I look at everyone as a friend before anything else.
This is, of course, the reason why I've been able to drop a lot of my crushes lately. I'll be attracted to someone until the slightest thing steps in my way, and at that point I'll drop the attraction and pursue friendship instead. (There was the girl who rented her room to me for a month, whom I lost interest in because she was too quiet. If we couldn't have decent conversation it was bound to happen... And then there was the girl at work who ended up with that other boy. Like I said, I don't like playing games or competition.)
The dance floor is no different from the rest of my life. I don't mind dancing in a circle of people. Or even one on one for a little bit. But I will never actually dance with just one person for any extended period of time. I get awkward and just can't do it right, and so I avoid it. (There have been a few failed attempts at dancing with someone these past few weeks... I think I chipped one girls tooth at one point...)
I can't even count the number of times tonight that I "bounced" myself from one group of people to another just to avoid too much eye contact... If there's someone on the floor that I'm nervous about (either out of interest, or perhaps (only rarely) by intimidation) I will have my back to them. Or put people between us. Or I'll go have a drink instead...
And yet, this was never something I had planned. I don't do this because I'm on the straight edge. A lot of people believe that part of being sXe means that you're also celibate. I am far from it though. It's not about "waiting for marriage" or any of that crap either. I mean, if I were to meet a girl I liked then I might be into some touch, but I'm definitely not for the whole "one night stand" or any of that.
My point is that I don't mean to feel so awkward about relationships. I don't make the first move because I don't feel like I'm in a place to make any sort of move. (Or because my first move is always too awkward...) And it's leaving me lonely. But I'm supposed to be lonely for now.
Another angle? Maybe I'm just shy.
Actually, that's probably true, since I was always shy when I was little. Even if I can go out and dance, talk to anyone, make a million friends, be loud and motivational at work, and even go so far as to take naked pictures of myself for the internet... when it comes to any sort of contact I lose it. It almost feels silly. I do my best to pretend that it's not true... maybe when I post another set (maybe if I get a photographer) you'll see more of me. (But underneath, I'm certain that I'm going to hide from getting to know anyone too well...)
Wow, I've totally turned into that lonely bastard stereotype that I used to hate and admire all at the same time. It's not cool though. People seem to like those who can take charge... and while I may have mastered every other form of first impression, I can't seem to get through this one. (Whatever, I'm sure I'll figure this out eventually...)
(Haha, so much for a simple entry. Oh well, there you have it... insight into the mind of a Hipples. I'm tired, so not all of this may have come out the way I intended it too, but the effort was there.)
I'm preparing to quit my job. No, I haven't started looking for new work yet. However, several job opportunities are starting to present themselves (even if they are as simple as standing at a corner whoring out Greenpeace) and I think that when the time comes, I shouldn't have too much difficulty in finding an alternate income.
On Friday through Sunday I closed the restaurant, and every night I left work feeling angry about my job. Well as I've mentioned, this Thursday is the last "Hang the DJ" at Lucky, and on Friday there is a show there that I had planned to attend. Guess what the schedule says? I'm supposed to close *both* of those nights. I left a note for my boss and told him that I can't work it. I'll work in the evening, but I will not stay late to close.
I'm approaching this proactively too. I will see if there is anyone available to close instead of me that night. I'll offer to come in early, do whatever I need to... but I'm not staying late. If all else fails, I'm prepared to walk.
I have about 400 in vacation pay due my way, and I've worked enough now that my next paycheck should be a full 400 as well. So with the money that I already have coming to me, I already have at least enough to cover next months rent and bills. I won't survive long without a job, but I'm confident that I'll find something quickly enough. Maybe I'll take a couple part timers...?
Obviously, the uncertain future of my employment is affecting how I spend (or don't spend) my money. Instead of going out to buy lots of nice things, I've decided to try to conserve what dough I do have for the time being.
I did spend a little bit today though. I picked up my own my own copy of "The Garden of Vegan" now, and I also bought some beer for someone at tattoo zoo, which I promptly exchanged for a t-shirt!
And I saw the Fantastic Four. I don't have the energy to write much about it. It's a good super hero movie though. Definitely worth seeing. I still liked "Howl's Moving Castle" more...
I never got around to my baking yesterday, as I discovered my kitchen was lacking in some essential baking supplies. Most of my morning/early afternoon (yeah! I got up before noon for once! woohoo!) was spent cleaning the apartment. I went shopping today though too, and got a few things I need for the baking (or for my fridge).
So in general, I spent a lot more money today than I wanted to. But it was a productive day, and the money wasn't wasted so I don't feel too badly about it.
A thought occurred to me while I was on my way to Lucky tonight. I've noticed that I feel less lonely lately. Actually, I'm feeling as lonely as ever, but I'm just dealing with it better this month. While I was out today I saw lots of people on the street, and stopped for short conversations, but all in all I was by myself for the majority of the day. And I didn't really mind. It's like I've mentioned before; I don't feel like I'm at a point where I'm going to meet someone who is *right* for me, and so I pretty much put the idea of dating or flirting (or anything) right out of my head. I guess I'm more sincere when I look at everyone as a friend before anything else.
This is, of course, the reason why I've been able to drop a lot of my crushes lately. I'll be attracted to someone until the slightest thing steps in my way, and at that point I'll drop the attraction and pursue friendship instead. (There was the girl who rented her room to me for a month, whom I lost interest in because she was too quiet. If we couldn't have decent conversation it was bound to happen... And then there was the girl at work who ended up with that other boy. Like I said, I don't like playing games or competition.)
The dance floor is no different from the rest of my life. I don't mind dancing in a circle of people. Or even one on one for a little bit. But I will never actually dance with just one person for any extended period of time. I get awkward and just can't do it right, and so I avoid it. (There have been a few failed attempts at dancing with someone these past few weeks... I think I chipped one girls tooth at one point...)
I can't even count the number of times tonight that I "bounced" myself from one group of people to another just to avoid too much eye contact... If there's someone on the floor that I'm nervous about (either out of interest, or perhaps (only rarely) by intimidation) I will have my back to them. Or put people between us. Or I'll go have a drink instead...
And yet, this was never something I had planned. I don't do this because I'm on the straight edge. A lot of people believe that part of being sXe means that you're also celibate. I am far from it though. It's not about "waiting for marriage" or any of that crap either. I mean, if I were to meet a girl I liked then I might be into some touch, but I'm definitely not for the whole "one night stand" or any of that.
My point is that I don't mean to feel so awkward about relationships. I don't make the first move because I don't feel like I'm in a place to make any sort of move. (Or because my first move is always too awkward...) And it's leaving me lonely. But I'm supposed to be lonely for now.
Another angle? Maybe I'm just shy.
Actually, that's probably true, since I was always shy when I was little. Even if I can go out and dance, talk to anyone, make a million friends, be loud and motivational at work, and even go so far as to take naked pictures of myself for the internet... when it comes to any sort of contact I lose it. It almost feels silly. I do my best to pretend that it's not true... maybe when I post another set (maybe if I get a photographer) you'll see more of me. (But underneath, I'm certain that I'm going to hide from getting to know anyone too well...)
Wow, I've totally turned into that lonely bastard stereotype that I used to hate and admire all at the same time. It's not cool though. People seem to like those who can take charge... and while I may have mastered every other form of first impression, I can't seem to get through this one. (Whatever, I'm sure I'll figure this out eventually...)
(Haha, so much for a simple entry. Oh well, there you have it... insight into the mind of a Hipples. I'm tired, so not all of this may have come out the way I intended it too, but the effort was there.)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Let's see a piccy of the Tattoo Zoo t-shirt! Did you get a chance to meet Sarah? If you did, I'm so jealous! From her books and her website, she always seems like such an interesting person.
How do you feel about buying/contributing money to things that are not vegan (or in your case, sXe as well)? LIke buying beer or something. I have a friend who is vegan who won't even make this Xmas cheeseball appetizer thing for her family anymore because she doesn't want to contribute her money to the dairy industry.