Okay. So there's this boy. (Yes, it's one of those blogs.) He's older than me, only by a few years, but I call him a boy because in my mine, that's exactly what he is. Should have been a RED FLAG.
For a year and a half, we've been talking. For a year we've been hanging out. By hanging out, I mean he sits at home or goes to a friend's house. Calls me, at 6 pm, telling me to be there by 7:30. And it never failed, I was there. Its 2 hour and 30 minutes, one way, to get to this guy's town. So a 5 hour commute total. All of my friends an family hate him(RED FLAG. RED FLAG.). Why? Because NOT ONCE in this year of hanging out, has he ever even so much has offered to come and see me. Hasn't offered to meet me half way. Hasn't made an attempt even. I mean sure, he has a job. So do I. I don't even have vacation time left for 2009, because by April I had used it all on him. But I still try to make time(PACK OF RED FUCKING FLAGS). Okay, Ex-fiance comes once a month to see me, from a town 7 hours away. My friend Josh, if I call him, crying, he's on the next thing smoking on his way out here from over 2,000 miles away. I can't get him to go even an hour out of the way. If its not already in his plans to be somewhere, its not going to happen.
His "issue" is that he doesn't want a relationship. That's fine. I'm patient. But I hate that he tries to make me feel like I'm the only one. I have no doubt in my mind, that he talks to dozens of girls. He pretty much ignores me when other girls are around anyway. Which doesn't bother me, because I don't much care for attention. I'm the kid in the room that sits in the corner alone, texting. Perfect example, he invited me to his home for a party, I left to go to the hospital, and he didn't notice for almost 2 hours, didn't even shoot a text to see if I was okay for about 2 days (RED FLAG).
Okay, as much as I don't like sex, the manchild and I have had sex. Because that's apparently my role in his life, at least that's how I see it. (RED FLAGS) Its gotten to a point where if and when I go down there, I don't know if I even want to have sex, or if I'm more concerned about his happiness. Either way, I'm not happy in the end.(RED FLAG)
Last night, my grandmother, his biggest hater, asked me if he even remotely wanted a relationship with him, if I could even trust him. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i couldn't answer that question, because all I could do was laugh. (RED FLAG). She told me I needed to have "the talk" with him. What the hell for? I already have. And he told me he doesn't want a relationship, and I'm the first girl he thinks about, and the only girl he's had sex with since the girlfriend he initially lied to me about. Okay, he doesn't want a relationship-he left out the part where he just doesn't with me. IF I'm the first girl he thinks about, its probably because he knows I'd drop everything at a moments notice to be near him. Last part I don't believe. When we do have the talk. He always tells me I'm overreacting. And nothing changes.(BOX OF RED FLAGS)
After sea dooing with my friend Josh yesterday, and the spending the night in Lansing with my friend Ian, I realized I'm a complete idiot. I'm waiting around for some bullshit that is NEVER going to happen. Its not like I didn't know. I've always known. I just don't want to stick around anymore. I'm sick of waiting to continue to not feel content. I just hate that I let a lot of really decent guys get away, because I was so head over heels for a boy that I knew would never feel that way for me. I've said I was done before. But I'm pretty sure I mean it this time. I'm sitting here on my laptop, while Ian sleeps. And I think about the fact that they are NOTHING alike. And I love it. Ian and I have been seeing each other for a while, haven't had sex or anything, but I really enjoy his company. And he's only of very few people I'm okay sharing a bed with (manchild can't sleep in a bed with me because he just gets an erection and can't actually sleep, so he tosses and turns, which keeps me up, until he just gets up and sleeps somewhere else in the house.
So for now, I'm going to crawl into bed. Snuggle up next to him. Forget that there are even guys in Grand Rapids. And get another 2 hours of sleep before I have to go to work
ugh, now I feel bad for calling him a boy and manchild. Didn't mean it. Kinda. I'm such a softy.
Whatever. Back to bed.
wait. picture is of Josh and I on his sea doo.
For a year and a half, we've been talking. For a year we've been hanging out. By hanging out, I mean he sits at home or goes to a friend's house. Calls me, at 6 pm, telling me to be there by 7:30. And it never failed, I was there. Its 2 hour and 30 minutes, one way, to get to this guy's town. So a 5 hour commute total. All of my friends an family hate him(RED FLAG. RED FLAG.). Why? Because NOT ONCE in this year of hanging out, has he ever even so much has offered to come and see me. Hasn't offered to meet me half way. Hasn't made an attempt even. I mean sure, he has a job. So do I. I don't even have vacation time left for 2009, because by April I had used it all on him. But I still try to make time(PACK OF RED FUCKING FLAGS). Okay, Ex-fiance comes once a month to see me, from a town 7 hours away. My friend Josh, if I call him, crying, he's on the next thing smoking on his way out here from over 2,000 miles away. I can't get him to go even an hour out of the way. If its not already in his plans to be somewhere, its not going to happen.
His "issue" is that he doesn't want a relationship. That's fine. I'm patient. But I hate that he tries to make me feel like I'm the only one. I have no doubt in my mind, that he talks to dozens of girls. He pretty much ignores me when other girls are around anyway. Which doesn't bother me, because I don't much care for attention. I'm the kid in the room that sits in the corner alone, texting. Perfect example, he invited me to his home for a party, I left to go to the hospital, and he didn't notice for almost 2 hours, didn't even shoot a text to see if I was okay for about 2 days (RED FLAG).
Okay, as much as I don't like sex, the manchild and I have had sex. Because that's apparently my role in his life, at least that's how I see it. (RED FLAGS) Its gotten to a point where if and when I go down there, I don't know if I even want to have sex, or if I'm more concerned about his happiness. Either way, I'm not happy in the end.(RED FLAG)
Last night, my grandmother, his biggest hater, asked me if he even remotely wanted a relationship with him, if I could even trust him. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i couldn't answer that question, because all I could do was laugh. (RED FLAG). She told me I needed to have "the talk" with him. What the hell for? I already have. And he told me he doesn't want a relationship, and I'm the first girl he thinks about, and the only girl he's had sex with since the girlfriend he initially lied to me about. Okay, he doesn't want a relationship-he left out the part where he just doesn't with me. IF I'm the first girl he thinks about, its probably because he knows I'd drop everything at a moments notice to be near him. Last part I don't believe. When we do have the talk. He always tells me I'm overreacting. And nothing changes.(BOX OF RED FLAGS)
After sea dooing with my friend Josh yesterday, and the spending the night in Lansing with my friend Ian, I realized I'm a complete idiot. I'm waiting around for some bullshit that is NEVER going to happen. Its not like I didn't know. I've always known. I just don't want to stick around anymore. I'm sick of waiting to continue to not feel content. I just hate that I let a lot of really decent guys get away, because I was so head over heels for a boy that I knew would never feel that way for me. I've said I was done before. But I'm pretty sure I mean it this time. I'm sitting here on my laptop, while Ian sleeps. And I think about the fact that they are NOTHING alike. And I love it. Ian and I have been seeing each other for a while, haven't had sex or anything, but I really enjoy his company. And he's only of very few people I'm okay sharing a bed with (manchild can't sleep in a bed with me because he just gets an erection and can't actually sleep, so he tosses and turns, which keeps me up, until he just gets up and sleeps somewhere else in the house.
So for now, I'm going to crawl into bed. Snuggle up next to him. Forget that there are even guys in Grand Rapids. And get another 2 hours of sleep before I have to go to work
ugh, now I feel bad for calling him a boy and manchild. Didn't mean it. Kinda. I'm such a softy.
Whatever. Back to bed.
wait. picture is of Josh and I on his sea doo.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
You're a self-aware woman... granted, it took you a while to catch on to this guy. I'm confident you'll be a bit more scrutinizing about him and any future guys.