hickuphelpline

I found a new way that I can walk between work and the bus home which passes the sky mirror and an ugly 2D sculpure and the dreadful new hotel. This is the quinessence of my current mode. I'm dreaming and scheming about urban regeneration but it is only the aethetic that moves me. I say current but you should be conscious that it is daytime. There are disparities of beauty and kindness that I am blurring momenarily.

*carpenter arrives and the room is shrunk with the arrangement of new and displaced furniture including folding work benches and grey boxes full of tools. Exit. Walks past the window on the way to the library with charged up camera in hand. Flash. Return and Alix is on the doorstep.*

You cannot express truth in neat phrases. For instance, if I was to say that "the only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about", as my friend has done in his aim name, I wouldn't be telling the truth. This makes perfection really difficult to achieve, I feel, because for me, this means communicating in a way that........

I shouldn't do that^. It's dark and I'm starting to elevate, never mind levitating text with my right eye. I'm going to be fully engaged in speculation and hardcore observation within an hour or two. Alternatively I will be knocking my knees and praying for an activity. I never knock my knees....... Oh it's madness isn't it, without the context. I wish that I could pen what I am thinking but I'm carrying far to many ideas around. Far too many. I need to get them all written down. Can you imagine it?


Al has pissed me off a goodun.
MSN extracts>>
she wouldn't give me the leeway to feel like I am feeling, which sometimes means that I do stupid things. She said that she couldn't cope with it. It's so fucked up because I hadnt managed to even relax and be myself with her except on the phone.

but fuck it. it's like she has steaked some sort of claim, but one that she is refusing to pick up and that's logged and waiting for her. I feel used.

<<

This hurts because I AM a player. I can romance, I know the reportoree.. I'm funny and I can charm anyone on demand, I think. But some people meet people with a personal remit; they have limits and boundries which they themselves will not cross and if somebody doesn't meet their standards this kind of person takes it upon themselves to change them or belittles the person. They are the clerks. For instance, Alix wont let me call her 'girl'. That's bullshit. I wouldn't sincerly call her that all the time, of course, but I ruin her mood if I ever say it, or anything like that.