Feeling a bit melancholic, a bit lost, I don't know. I'm having trouble telling what's real anymore. I have a friend who I thought I was pretty close to, and the other day it occured to me that he treats me much the same as all the people he greets and then after says "god, I fuckin hate that guy".
I just wish I could say "I really like you! I'd like to spend a day or two a week with you, because I think you're interesting, and we get along pretty well" to people, but no-one wants to be that straightforward. I'm no good at making friends and it's only getting worse because I only really hang out with three people. I've always been weird, and known it, but only now are the actual reasons why becoming apparent.
I just have to remind myself of what's real. I have a dude who loves me. I have a family who're mostly insane fuck-ups but have a few members who are just awesome. Two of my three good friends love me very much. (the third is a bit of a sociopath, and finds me convenient to spend time with)
And maybe that's enough for now.
Just this.
ANYWAY. A few songs for your listening pleasure, with their lyrics.
Mum, Dad and Denny
were some amongst many
who turned up to see the passing out parade at Puckapunyal
Seemed every man and his mongrel
watched cadets stumble
on the long march to the Viet jungle.
'Oh Christ', I mumbled as I drew that card
and my mates came to slap me on the back with due regard
We were the sixth battalion and the next to tour
we did Canungra and Shoalwater before we left, rest assured
Seemed half of Townsville turned out to see us leave
and they lined the footpaths as we marched to the quay
The papers wrote it up like you would not believe
but we were looking to the future for a fast reprieve
The newspaper clippings show us young
strong and clean rockin' slouch hats
slung SLRs and greens
God help me, I was only nineteen
From Vung Tau the black helicopters
the chinhook pilots seemed relieved at Nui Dat when they dropped us
Feels like months running on and off landing pads
letters to Dad
'cause it's like, man, he's sad
But he can't see the tents that we call home
cans of VB and pin-ups on the lockers of chicks off TV
The noise, the mosquitoes and the heat suprising
like the first time you see an agent orange horizon
So please can you tell me doctor why I still can't get to sleep
the scar's left in me?
Night time's just a jungle
dark and a barking M16 that keeps saying
'rest in peace'
And what the hell's this rash that comes and goes
I don't suppose you can tell me what that means?
God help me, I was only nineteen
Sent off on a four-week long operation
where every single step could be your last one
My two legs were sorta living hell
falling with the shells, war within yourself
But you wouldn't let your mates down
'til they had you dusted off
so you closed your eyes and thought of something else
Then someone yelled 'contact!'
another bloke swore
we hooked in there for hours then a god almighty roar
Then Frankie kicked a mine
the day that mankind kicked the moon
God help me, he was going home in June
And I can still see Frank with a can in his hand
thirty-six hour leave in the bar at the Grand
I can still hear Frank
a screaming mess
of bleeding flesh
couldn't retrieve his legs
The ANZAC legend
neglected to mention
the mud
the fear
the blood
the tears
the tension
Dad's recollection
beyond comprehension
didn't seem quite real until we were sent in
The chaos and confusion
the fire and steel
hot shrapnel in my back
I didn't even feel
God help me, I was only nineteen
So please can you tell me doctor
why I can't get to sleep
I can't hardly eat?
And the sound of the Channel Seven chopper still chills me to my feet
still fuels my grief?
And what's this rash that comes and goes like the dreams
can you tell me what that means?
God help me, I was only nineteen
Mum and Dad and Denny saw the passing out parade at Puckapunyal
It was a long march from Cadets
The sixth battalion was the next to tour
It was me who drew the card
we did Canungra and Shoalwater before we left
So please can you tell me doctor
why I can't get to sleep
I can't hardly eat?
And the sound of the Channel Seven chopper still chills me to my feet
still fuels my grief?
And what's this rash that comes and goes like the dreams
can you tell me what that means?
Everybody wake up
Welcome to the future
There's nothing going on here
Just me and my personal computer.
I don't love my family
I think they're boring
And when we get together
I'm so scared of talking to them
About anything.
I haven't had a friend in years
I only have sex with myself
I don't know where it went, but
All my love is gone.
I haven't had a friend in years
I only have sex with myself
I don't know where it went, but
All my love is gone.
Everybody wake up
Welcome to the future
There's nothing going on here
Just me and my personal computer.
I don't love my girlfriend
I think she's boring
And when we get together
I'm so scared of talking to her
About anything.
I haven't had a friend in years
I only have sex with myself
I don't know where it went, but
All my love is gone.
I haven't had a friend in years
I only have sex with myself
I don't know where it went, but
All my love is,
All my love is,
All my love is gone.
Gone-oooh.
Sexy boys, fancy boys
Playboys, bad boys
I fink u freeky and I like you a lot [x4]
Motherfuckers get buzzed off the spice that I bring
Guess who's got the party jumpin'?
Glow in the dark rave, aura pumping
It's nice and different, yo fuck the the system
My system pumps off it's fucking face
Step into my world nou's jy tuis in paradys
Yo word up to my brother, muis
Pump up your speakers, God se Jesus.
Kyk wies rapping, lekker to the drum
These bad boys like to smack me in the bum
My crew's blowing up like Chappies bubblegum
Popping in your face, nyaaaa
Yo fuck the rat race my style is rap rave
My crew is kak fresh, so who the fuck cares?
What you fucking think, I'm the type of chick
Who rolls with spif giftige misfits
I fink u freeky and I like you a lot [x8]
Hold up! Whoa, whoa wait a minute-minute, Jesus Christ
Yo my man DJ High Tek - Shit, this motherfucking beat is nice
Back in the day them dwankies didn't want to believe in us
Little did they know that they was in for a motherfucking big surprise.
Left home locked in my Zef Zone
Ready for the test yo? What the fuck, I guess so...
Hit the overseas, motherfucker's heads get blown.
Get everything will be free like Dr. Dre Beats headphones
When I get home I lounge on my Zef throne
Make my mummy happy cause I get so paid
Making my money rapping over techno rave
I can take you 'round the world, let's go babe
When I step up and do my thing I put you in a trance
My Zef motherfucking clique got it going on
Fuck what you think, I do what I want
I can make a million little motherfuckers jump
Jump motherfucker, jump motherfucker jump [x4]
Increase the peace, don't wreck the party
And fuck da jol up for everybody
Ek's a laarney, jy's a gam
Want jy lam innie mang, met jou slang in a man
I fink u freeky and I like you a lot [x8]
Now why you loer en kyk gelyk?
Is ek miskien van goud gemake?
You want to fight, you come tonight.
Ek moer jou sleg! So jy hardloop weg.
God se Jesus, we come to party
Pump your speakers, yo rock your body
In God we trust, You can't fuck with us
We not taking kak, I'd like to say what's up
To my sexy boys, and my fancy boys,
And my playboys, and my bad boys,
And my pretty boys, and my ugly boys,
And my naughty boys,
We gonna have a nice time kids
I fink u freeky and I like you a lot [x8]
I think these four pretty much sum up my mood. Or maybe my whole personality. Whew, what pressure to put on a few songs!
There is nothing wrong wih being weird, im abit of a weirdo at work and in general snd get payed out about it heaps but you know what, its all about bein unique if people want to be fuckheads towards you fuck them they dont need your friendship i will be your friend if u want.
but i'm starting to get a callus, and a hole in my soul needs to be filled