Now what?
It seems lately as if everytime one thing seems to be going according to planned something else blows up in my face. As many of you know my mother has been sick for some time now. She seemed to be getting better but now her pain has returned.
Due to mothers sickness I lost my job and am now without any income except for what my b/f earns which I am truly thankful for. But because of all the stress I've been going through I have developed severe panic attacks, which I seem to be managing quite well on my own, considering at one time I thought I was actually losing my mind.
I hate to say it but sometimes I think my mother expects to much of me, although I can't say that I blame her seeing how I seem to be the only one out of all my siblings that really gives a damn. I understand she needs me, but at the same time I drive myself crazy thinking and worrying about her all the time. It's like I have 2 lives, hers and mine. Sometimes she makes me feel guilty, like today for instance, she asked me to come over to clean her carpets and I really meant to go early this morning so there wouldn't be anyone there to get in the way while I cleaned, but I overslept and now that's all I can think about. Sometimes I think it's me who is too hard on myself. It may be the way I was raised or conditioned, I don't know. My mom and I are a lot alike though in a sense, we both worry way too much and stress ourselves out.
I wouldn't dare tell my mom how I feel though because I know it would hurt her especially since I'm the only one she thinks cares about her.
She recently moved and doesn't have a phone yet, so I can't call her which drives me insane too.
So once again, I sit here wondering.
Also I've been meaning to say that I'm sorry for not being as active as I once was and not chatting with more of you on a personal level, but as you have read, I've been going through a ton of shit.
On a better note, Thank you all for the comments on Suri's set. Suri-The Dawn of Suri. She deserves each and every comment. She is a true Heroine.
If you haven't had the chance to check it out please do and leave her some love!
xoxo
Heroine
It seems lately as if everytime one thing seems to be going according to planned something else blows up in my face. As many of you know my mother has been sick for some time now. She seemed to be getting better but now her pain has returned.
Due to mothers sickness I lost my job and am now without any income except for what my b/f earns which I am truly thankful for. But because of all the stress I've been going through I have developed severe panic attacks, which I seem to be managing quite well on my own, considering at one time I thought I was actually losing my mind.
I hate to say it but sometimes I think my mother expects to much of me, although I can't say that I blame her seeing how I seem to be the only one out of all my siblings that really gives a damn. I understand she needs me, but at the same time I drive myself crazy thinking and worrying about her all the time. It's like I have 2 lives, hers and mine. Sometimes she makes me feel guilty, like today for instance, she asked me to come over to clean her carpets and I really meant to go early this morning so there wouldn't be anyone there to get in the way while I cleaned, but I overslept and now that's all I can think about. Sometimes I think it's me who is too hard on myself. It may be the way I was raised or conditioned, I don't know. My mom and I are a lot alike though in a sense, we both worry way too much and stress ourselves out.
I wouldn't dare tell my mom how I feel though because I know it would hurt her especially since I'm the only one she thinks cares about her.
She recently moved and doesn't have a phone yet, so I can't call her which drives me insane too.
So once again, I sit here wondering.
Also I've been meaning to say that I'm sorry for not being as active as I once was and not chatting with more of you on a personal level, but as you have read, I've been going through a ton of shit.
On a better note, Thank you all for the comments on Suri's set. Suri-The Dawn of Suri. She deserves each and every comment. She is a true Heroine.
If you haven't had the chance to check it out please do and leave her some love!
xoxo
Heroine
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hookagain:
Sorry I'm total spazz....thanks for saying hi.
wookiekill13:
Just wanted to say thank you for the nice comments. Sorry to hear about you and your mom, I had to take care of my grandmother for almost three years. It was tough as shit so I know what you're going through. The best advice I can give is just grin and bear it. When you're the only one who's being responsible that's really your only option.