I love when you get stuck in circumstance beyond your control, that force you to be more human, more complete, more "at risk" then you would normaly allow yourself to be...
Mogwa and I recently decided to walk to a neighboring town on an old railroad line turned trail on Monday. Turned out to be seven miles one way... No water, no food, we got there at dusk, with no car, no cell phone, no anything. Ate dinner and came back.
Ever walked seven miles in the pitch dark?
Talk about amazing, talk about difficult, talk about a challenge worthy of acceptance, and mind altering. There is something about being able to look up and see the stars that I forgot about. Forgot how much I loved it, how small it made me feel, us feel, this world feel.
I have been struggling with my depression lately, with my high anxiety, and thus with my anger. This place is difficult for me to live in. Everyone here seems desperate for anything new, and the town is the closest thing to a police state I have ever seen. It's small, it's redneck, and it flux's inbetween good, and bad energy.
The result is that I found myself feeling like a fucking caged animal, pacing back and forth, ready to snap at something, anything.
It's a good thing nothing challenged my right to exist, my freedom of individuality these last three weeks, I'm self destructive/destructive when I get like that.
Anyway that said, after Monday I realized how important it is to live in a not completely human environment. Nature is critical to my state of mind if I am to exist peacefully. I do not talk about it much, but sometimes I need to be liberated from the multiple things that are purely human, so that I can appreciatte life. Even death in nature is beautiful. We have removed ourselves from nature so much...
Mogwa and I recently decided to walk to a neighboring town on an old railroad line turned trail on Monday. Turned out to be seven miles one way... No water, no food, we got there at dusk, with no car, no cell phone, no anything. Ate dinner and came back.
Ever walked seven miles in the pitch dark?
Talk about amazing, talk about difficult, talk about a challenge worthy of acceptance, and mind altering. There is something about being able to look up and see the stars that I forgot about. Forgot how much I loved it, how small it made me feel, us feel, this world feel.
I have been struggling with my depression lately, with my high anxiety, and thus with my anger. This place is difficult for me to live in. Everyone here seems desperate for anything new, and the town is the closest thing to a police state I have ever seen. It's small, it's redneck, and it flux's inbetween good, and bad energy.
The result is that I found myself feeling like a fucking caged animal, pacing back and forth, ready to snap at something, anything.
It's a good thing nothing challenged my right to exist, my freedom of individuality these last three weeks, I'm self destructive/destructive when I get like that.
Anyway that said, after Monday I realized how important it is to live in a not completely human environment. Nature is critical to my state of mind if I am to exist peacefully. I do not talk about it much, but sometimes I need to be liberated from the multiple things that are purely human, so that I can appreciatte life. Even death in nature is beautiful. We have removed ourselves from nature so much...
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how you been?
crazy & crappy here...
write more soon.
-D
how goes the schooling? i had to drop all but one class this term due to craziness. but i am evening out.