After seeing my good friend Pete post a blog with this header I guess I was inspired to post my own, after all it always feels good to get stuff off of your chest. I actually had to think about this prompt for a good while because in general I am a pretty open person so I am going to start rambling and hope it forms into something.
I guess I will start in the beginning, I have never really been the "pretty" girl or even a girl that had many friends. I know that's not the most compelling beginning but it's true even from elementary school I mostly kept my head in books and when I tried to interact with kids my age I guess there was a certain..disconnect. In middle school I attended 6th and 7th grade but eventually made the decision to home school myself and that's how it went the rest of my school career. The only times I really met people to relate to were at functions like dragon*con which my wonderful mother started taking me to around the age of 14.
Anyways I digress this isn't an auto biography after all, the point here is confessing right? Let me start off with the fact that I am constantly in a battle with crippling anxiety and depression sometimes you win for a short amount of time but never for long, I've decided that my life goal must be to shorten those gaps. I am very introverted and interacting with new people totally makes me nervous even though I do a pretty good job of it I promise you, my palms are sweating and my mind is running about 90 miles per second. I suffer from night terrors and hypnogogic hallucinations but I have never let that slow me down.
Secondarily, I am obsessed with batman like utterly and totally obsessed not just because it's a wonderful comic but because the entire concept, the fundamental hero's journey is enthralling. I recently wrote a six page academic paper on batman and Carl Jung's dream theory just for fun. Another fun fact about me is that if a culture has a mythology I can probably tell you a fair bit about it in fact almost all of my books are studies on myth or cultural anthropology, I just can't learn enough!! I have been a practitioner of asatru and northern practice for a good few years now but mostly I consider myself a polytheistic pagan. I have also been a member of a full contact larping organization for the past three years, shield bashes, sword fighting, we do it all. I have broken many a bone playing my game and I can honestly say there is no better feeling. I think a lot of that stems from my father he never had a son so I was always assuming that role for him, I may not be able to walk in heels but I can fix your car, hunt, fish and fist fight better than most women you will come across. I've always been a daddy's girl, he has had a country western band since he was a teenager and now that I'm older I play fiddle and mandolin with them and sing my heart out every friday night.
I also collect bones, and I don't just mean order pre-cleaned bones from etsy and parade them around. I mean if we are riding in the car together and I see come good condition road kill I am going to collect that shit take it home and clean it. I'm not even sure how I started honestly but I find such beauty in the decay and just the basic structure of life. It is such a shame to let that rot away. I honestly hadn't ever really explored my feminine side until like last year, before that I had really pushed it back because I didn't think it served me well. I mean it certainly didn't gain me an advantage in a male dominated or any other facet of my life so I thought. Boy was I wrong, being a woman is a very beautiful thing and there is such power in femininity, around the time of this realization I started considering the sg community and I am so glad I did every woman here is so strong and so beautiful. Honestly, all of them have made me feel better about myself and my femininity than all of the men in my life put together.
I am seriously so thankful to have found this community and all of the girls here who have lifted me up like pete and marceline and titan and peaches and boomer and fucking every other lady who I have met honestly. I think that's all I've got guys so if you have stuck with me through this whole thing I thank you for listening to my rant, and I hope you all have a wonderful thursday.
xoxo
hephaestus
