hemlock170374

There's a spell hanging on my head
and I need to break it.

My true call to drawing and illustration is constantly drowned
by my obstination in trying to live hundreds of different lives,
all the possible ones except mine.
Except the one that is really mine.

I know that this is the main reason of all my problems
because when you are not living as your real self...
how can you really be satisfied with yourself?
How can kindred people recognize you?

They can't and you will therefore always attract
all the wrong ones.

And my god, I am THE master at attracting
freaks, insecure, weak and arrogant people.
The funniest thing is that when things eventually go awry
I even often end up the one actually being accused of being all that.

Sick people master an art which I would really need to be good at.

The only thing I managed to learn, over the years, is instead,
just how to increase my natural tendency to cynism, coldness and sarcasm
as the only possible defense in such situations.
I have always had a bit of poison in me
but generally, my overall wider nice-guy side always kept it down;
not so much anymore because if I know that
when I meet someone authentic and kind my good side is still able to come out,
I also know that most of the time I am chewing poisonous thoughts
since the hits I have accumulated in my recent, somewhat agitated life
were just a tad too many.

It needs to stop
and I need to find a way to kill my artist block
and go back to drawing, in peace, the world as I would like it to be.
Wonderful smiles and generous breasts.

There's a spell hanging on my head
and I need to break it.
Is there a witch in the room?