So, I've been drawing a lot lately. Loads and loads. It's been great getting so much done. But, then something happened last week which made me realise something.
A good friend of mine started talking about jobs (my stomach churned when the subject was brought up). He's been a graphic designer and comic artist/writer for about twenty years but is currently unemployed looking for design work. He asked why I've never tried for a job in graphic design myself as he thinks I've got the skills to at least get my foot in the door as a junior designer and that it would be a good job for me. My response was "I dunno" and "don't want to".
So, he picked up on my lack of confidence (I think) and has been encouraging and helping me fix up a portfolio and a CV to get me somewhere. Since this has happened I've been nothing but a bag of nerves. Anxious whenever I start thinking about it.
So, I realised I've been drawing so much to avoid facing up things. looking for work. My current job is okay, but I'm 28, I want to move out and I can't afford it with my current job. Things have to change, but I've been avoiding this fact by burying my head in comics.
I'd been trying to figure out what it is that scares me so much about pushing myself for better when it comes to a job.
Then stumbled on this today:
Fear of success.
And it pretty much sums me up (at least when it comes to jobs). Or maybe I just don't want to be a graphic designer. I really don't know.
I love drawing comics and it is what I want to do, but I'm quite capable of working full time and drawing as well. I may one day be able to make a living out of drawing comics, but it could be years off or not at all, so I've got to start doing something about a proper job.
It seems really stupid to have a 'fear of success'. But success brings change, responsibilities, pushing yourself, a higher platform from which to fall from grace. All these things are pretty scary to me.
I guess I got some shit to face. Again. I sure could use a break.
I realise this blog may not make much sense. Sorry for rambling.
A good friend of mine started talking about jobs (my stomach churned when the subject was brought up). He's been a graphic designer and comic artist/writer for about twenty years but is currently unemployed looking for design work. He asked why I've never tried for a job in graphic design myself as he thinks I've got the skills to at least get my foot in the door as a junior designer and that it would be a good job for me. My response was "I dunno" and "don't want to".
So, he picked up on my lack of confidence (I think) and has been encouraging and helping me fix up a portfolio and a CV to get me somewhere. Since this has happened I've been nothing but a bag of nerves. Anxious whenever I start thinking about it.
So, I realised I've been drawing so much to avoid facing up things. looking for work. My current job is okay, but I'm 28, I want to move out and I can't afford it with my current job. Things have to change, but I've been avoiding this fact by burying my head in comics.
I'd been trying to figure out what it is that scares me so much about pushing myself for better when it comes to a job.
Then stumbled on this today:
Fear of success.
And it pretty much sums me up (at least when it comes to jobs). Or maybe I just don't want to be a graphic designer. I really don't know.
I love drawing comics and it is what I want to do, but I'm quite capable of working full time and drawing as well. I may one day be able to make a living out of drawing comics, but it could be years off or not at all, so I've got to start doing something about a proper job.
It seems really stupid to have a 'fear of success'. But success brings change, responsibilities, pushing yourself, a higher platform from which to fall from grace. All these things are pretty scary to me.
I guess I got some shit to face. Again. I sure could use a break.
I realise this blog may not make much sense. Sorry for rambling.
go for the job dude graphic d isnt that hard
I love your comics, I'd love to see you make some cash from them.