hellzaphat

I miss having people around that I can hang out with and not feel like there's some kind of social expectations. I'm not good at living up to social expectations. There are going to be times when I'm weird and quiet, and there are going to be times when I'm off the hook. Around anybody new, social expectations are a logical necessity because you are constantly being judged. ...And this fact causes me to not want to bother to go out and be around new people, even though I so desperately want new people to be around. The odds are stacked against me because I'm not going to fake it.

I enjoy awkwardness. It's almost tangible. Most people don't share his fetish. I make funny noises without even realizing it, and I laugh for no reason. This makes people uncomfortable. I hear "what?" a lot, and have nothing to say for myself. I might be insane, I dunno. Whatever the case, I've always been this way, it's who I am. And attempting to change it would be like attempting to be a whole nother person.

I have a fucked up way of communicating as well. I'm not good at using appropriate tones. The tone of my voice is misinterpreted constantly. I'm argumentative and will often oppose you in order to make conversation, even if I completely agree with you. Between my misinterpreted tones and my argumentative nature, I inadvertantly cause confusion and/or misjudgement.

I'm quite capable of being socially adept, but these quirks make me a social oddball, so expectations beware.

Until',
Hellzaphat