hellokittykat

yeah, so maybe i'll start writing in here since i've been neglecting my other journal lately. i'm sick and it fucking sucks. my head hurts and it's feverish and my throat is dry and scratchy and i'm bored. everyone's either at work or gone home for the weekend. i cleaned yesterday...this room was a pigsty and i spent a long time just hanging up all my clothes and putting shit away...it's gorgeous in here and there's no one else to see it! my roommate's been gone since wednesday..i think she's dying. she had a cyst on her arm so she got it operated on and something went wrong and it kept bleeding for this insane amount of time and it was bleeding through the stitches so she went to the hospital and then went home for another surgery...she was sposed to be back today, but she's not. shit, i gotta feed her fish. i'm surprised it's not dead yet (actually, it might be...i haven't checked on it yet today). the girl next door is awesome, but she listens to the shittiest music i've ever heard and it's coming through the wall right now full force and my head hurts too bad to blast something back at her. my little sister called me today and told me she finally bought a car...yay for her. i want her to come and visit...she's a fun chick. i've been so homesick lately..not even for my house..but for when i lived in florida and everything was warm and simple and michael and i were so in love that nothing else mattered. i still love him...i always will...i'll still marry him...EVENTUALLY. it's just....down in florida it felt like we were married. i'd wake up every morning next to him and go to work and come home from work and he'd be there and we'd eat dinner together and hang out and watch tv and stay up late and then go to bed together and.....repeat repeat repeat every single day. i was so happy then. the monotony was comforting, welcome even. but then we had to fuck everything up by moving back to maine and being apart. it's the whole apart thing that always kills us. it's so hard to come here and not see him all the time like i'm used to and be surrounded with all these new people and things to do....i needed a break. i don't love him any less...i just don't have the time and energy to give him what he deserves. i was being a shitty girlfriend and it's just not right. he's way too good for that. i just called him crying, left a tearful stuffy voicemail. same old shit, just a different day