hellcatjustine

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end."


I have to keep telling myself this.

Doctor today, so close to being hospitalized. Added more medication, and the request that I talk to someone.

I'm not allowed to be alone right now. I'm staying at my aunt's now. Going to church on sunday.

I have to have faith.

This may not make sense to most of you, but I truly believe he is the man I belong with. and that we can work through this. When we get some things handled. This went way too fast, and perhaps this intermission is what we need.

I have to have hope. I have to have faith. I need it now more than ever.

I'm ok and I'm on my way.

I can't give up, no matter how I want to. I cry and cry and when it seems I have no more tears, they come again.

Going to sleep tonight will be hard. I still can't eat. I have to tomorrow. Tonight is just trying to get calm. stay calm.

I need to be strong now, and I am honest enough to admit that I can't handle this one on my own. I have been praying the last few days. I will continue to do so. I know that the Lord will carry me if I hand my trouble over to him. I just have to have faith.

I don't know how you all feel about this, but I am going to say it anyhow.

Please pray for me. Pray for him. Pray for us.

That is all I can do.

Axel Rose is easing my pain.



Patience is not a virtue that I have much of.

but I need to find some.

I learned something today. I'm getting it inked.

P.U.S.H.- Pray until something happens.

I start on zoloft in the morning, in addition to the zyprexa at night. plus the other stuff, and now an antibiotic too.

Better living through chemicals...
Psychopharmacology is gonna set you straight, when you are forgetting all your lines and you can't buy your own disguises.

If you are reading this, what I was trying to say today was this: as much as this hurts me, I am trying to understand. I am doing what I feel I need to do to get back to a better place inside. I wish I could make us both stop hurting. I will always be here for you, always be your friend. I believe in this, and I believe in you. I know how hard this is on you right now, all of this in your lap, and I'm sorry I wasn't ready to deal with it at the time. But things will get better. Slowing down is good. If and when this comes together again, we need to go slowly. But I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. You taught me it was ok to love, and I opened my heart to you in a way I have never done to another person. I love you with all my heart. and I have faith that things will work themselves out, for you, and me, and us.

Don't give up on yourself, and don't give up on me. I haven't given up. I am trying to be strong. I have asked the Lord to give me strength and all I can do is wait until that happens.



I have been reading this over and over for the last few minutes.

********
Psalm 100


A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD , all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

The Lord liveth and blessed be thy rock and let the God of my salvation be exalted.



song for the day:

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(patience)
Mm, yeah

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it

(whistle)
...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need

I been walkin' the streets at night
Just tryin' to get it right
Hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like
Being stuck in the crowd
And the streets don't change
But baby the name
I ain't got time for the game
Cause I need you
Yeah, yeah, but I need you
Oo, I need you
Whoa, I need you
Oo, all this time