heilige_leben

These last 2 months have been fucked. My girlfriend decided to take up a nice meth habit at the same time my mother came to LA to visit, for Christmas no less. Me and my girl drift appart. We come back together when she decided to stop smoking meth, mind you we live together in a Polyamourous household. As we try to bring things together, I have a hard time really trusting her which makes things difficult. She continues her association with a person I wouldn't be in the same room with. And all this time, I'm trying to bring things back to normal, going out, holding hands, and whatnot. Trying to trust her. I really am. Then a big issue of trust came up. She spent the night out until 9am without letting me know what she was up to. I'm obviously not a control freak seeing that I live with a married couple, but all I would have liked was a text message telling me where she was staying or something. When she got home I was so pissed because I called her @ 9am and she wouldn't answer the phone. I was really angry that after all this time I thought she would have a little more considerate, then she broke up with me. I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, and I usually understand why a relationship ends. But not now. The next day we are back together. She appologized, saying it was PMS. I'm in this weird state now of questioning the whole thing. I know it's not my ideal situation. I just don't know. Ramble ramble. It's nice to get this off my chest. I've been very angry and depressed lately and I don't want to be. I have some serious issues with my girl. Ones I would like to work out, but in the back of my mind I'm saying "get out". Damn, it doesn't get easier. I thought I would have it down by now. Now that I get older I realise relationships are always tough. Does it have to be this way or can we change? Is it "that special one" or is something else? Hmm, I have a lot to chew on. xm

p.s. I am totally stoked about my prospective new band. If all goes well it should be pretty hot. I have rehersal thursday, yay!