hecklongtree

Here's another excerpt from my feature film script "Bordertown." I'd really appreciate some feeedback, since I'm not sure how well it works.

In the previous excerpt (in my June 8 journal entry), Eva Diaz hired luchador-turned-detective Pocho Martinez to spy on her adulterous husband, a Mexican politician. In this installment, she hires him to investigate her husband's murder.

INT. POCHOS OFFICE - DAY
Mrs. Diaz, wearing a black dress and veil, sits across the desk from Pocho.
Pocho drops the photo of Diaz and the long-haired woman on the desk where Pocho is seated.
POCHO
Recognize the woman?
MRS. DIAZ
Dolores Sanchez, my husbands campaign manager. I long suspected they were having an affair, but I had no proof.
Pocho drops another photo, this one of the shooter on the left.
POCHO
Recognize him?
MRS. DIAZ
No.
POCHO
Lzaro Arbenz. The governments official position on him is that hes a lone gunmen.
Pocho starts to laugh.
MRS. DIAZ
I take it you dont believe the governments official position.
POCHO
Well, as a matter of policy, I never accept the governments official position on anything. But, beyond that, Seora Diaz, I was there. I know there was another shot. I heard it.
MRS. DIAZ
Then youll look into my husbands murder?
POCHO
Now, see here. Im sorry about your husbands death, and Id like to help you out, but--
MRS. DIAZ
But what?
POCHO
But his is turning out to be a Mexican JFK assassination. Theres already a cover-up. Next thing you know it, witnesses will start dying, witnesses like Jon and me.
She rises and walks around the desk.
MRS. DIAZ
Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?
POCHO
No, Im terribly sorry, but...
She cocks her head and plants a kiss right on the mouth hole of Pochos mask. Pocho puts up only token resistance.
POCHO (contd)
Please, youre wrinkling my mask.
They embrace passionately. Then he breaks away and gets on the intercom.
POCHO (contd)
Velda, draw up a new contract for Seora Diaz. Shes retained me to investigate her husbands murder.
POCHOS APARTMENT
Mrs. Diaz and Pocho lie in bed. Even in bed, Pocho, though otherwise nude, wears his mask.
MRS. DIAZ
Dont worry about it, Pocho. It happens to every man at some time or another.
POCHO
Its just that Im a maanero. I like a good tumble in the morning. I swear, its this damn Daylight Savings Time. It threw off my manly clock.
Pocho grabs the remote and switches on the tv.
ON TV
From a courthouse, armed guards escort a man with a crew cut wearing an orange prison jumpsuit.
REPORTER (V.O.)
And so Arbenz, the twenty-nine year old farm worker, entered a not guilty plea at his arraignment.
Pocho sits up with a start, leaning forward to get a good look at the prisoner on the TV screen. Pocho jumps out of bed and grabs the photo of Arbenz off his chest of drawers.
POCHO
Thats not him.
MRS. DIAZ
What do you mean?
POCHO
Thats not the man arrested at the rally. They tried to disguise him by cutting off his hair, but thats not him. Thats some patsy they got to take the fall.
Pocho shows her the picture.
MRS. DIAZ
Who are they?
POCHO
Most likely the same people who hired the real killer. Maybe members of an opposing party. Maybe members of his own party. From what I read in the papers, your husbands campaign wasnt going very well. Maybe the PRI wanted to change candidates.
The phone RINGS and Pocho answers.
POCHO (contd)
Bueno.
MEXICAN WOMAN (O.S.)
Did you see the news?
POCHO
Yeah. Whos this?
MEXICAN WOMAN (O.S.)
The man in custody is different from the one you saw arrested.
POCHO
Yeah, thats what I thought too. But--
MEXICAN WOMAN (O.S.)
I know where the real shooter is.
POCHO
Where?
MEXICAN WOMAN (O.S.)
Meet me in an hour at the vacant lot next to San Benito Cemetery. And one more thing.
POCHO
Whats that?
MEXICAN WOMAN
Bring a shovel.
EXT. VACANT LOT - AN HOUR LATER
A STOCKY WOMAN, in an elegant satin dress, slowly crosses a large field. Jon carries the shovel as he and Pocho follow.
POCHO
And the assassins whereabouts just came to you in a vision, Seora Zorina?
STOCKY WOMAN
You sound skeptical of my psychic abilities.
POCHO
Let me just say, I like to maintain a healthy skepticism.
Zorina stops suddenly.
ZORINA
I feel the vibrations, vibrations from the great beyond.
She points to the ground.
ZORINA (contd)
There. The assassins remains are buried there.
JON
(to Pocho)
Maybe we should contact the police.
POCHO
When the government is engaged in a cover up? I dont think thats a great idea. We better hurry up before we attract attention. Start shoveling.
Jon sighs and starts shovelling.
LATER
Jon thrusts his shovel into the shallow ditch, and we hear a dull THUD.
JON
Pocho, I think Ive found something.
Jon climbs out and Pocho climbs in.
Pocho kneels down and brushes dirt from a mans body. He lifts and drops one hand, then the other.
POCHO
Hmmm. No fingertips.
He brushes off the face, revealing a straight horizontal cut down to the skull above the eyes. Jon, peering into the ditch, gasps.
POCHO (contd)
You better hurry and cover this up. And thank you, Seora Zorina. Well be in touch.
EXT. STREET - LATER
Jon puts the shovel in the back of Pochos car.
POCHO
Before we go, lets take a walk through here for a minute.
They pass through the gates of San Benito Cemetery.
JON
God, did you see that body--the way he was mutilated? Imagine cutting open someones head like that.
Pocho starts to laugh.
JON (contd)
Whats so funny?
POCHO
Do you really think the killer bothered to mutilate him with a surgical saw? No, my friend, he was autopsied.
JON
Autopsied?
POCHO
Yes. Lets go this way.
Pocho and Jon pass a plot marked by a marble statue of a luchador with hands raised in victory.
POCHO (contd)
Im familiar with this cemetery, since my family plot is here. That s why the name Zorina stuck out in my mind.
Pocho leads Jon to another family plot marked by a monument bearing the name Zorina. After carefully examining the headstones, Pocho stops and points.
POCHO (contd)
Look at that date of death. We really ought to offer our condolences. It seems Seora Zorina had a recent death in the family. A male relative met an untimely end. My guess: He sustained a fatal head injury.