heckler

Hello
I am still alive

finally time to blog

I've just been going through one of my regular introverted phases I think. I've just had nothing much to say.
I've just been doing the same old things & almost nothing exciting has happened at all (apart from one MAJOR thing which I'll get too later )
I've watched a lot of Dexter & Star Trek (mainly cos they always seem to be on tv), I've read a few books
My life has basically become all about waiting. Ever since I got back from visiting Marvel in the summer I've just been waiting to get back there by her side again where I belong
In the months since then the only times I'm truly happy is when I'm taking to her, The rest of the time..well I'm just trying to waste time till we can talk again.
Work is just totally dull, I go through my days with my brain switched off there these days, I need a change there. I don't hate my job or anything like that, it's actually a good place to work, the atmosphere is relaxed, my coworkers are friendly & we all get long well & have a good laugh together, I just know I've been there too long now. I'm just not interested in being there anymore. I probably would have left earlier this year if I could have found something else to do that, but times are hard right now in the job market here. There was a big department store that opened up here recently..& they had 200 applicants for every vacancy available

I also thing SAD has started affecting me a little again, what with the nights drawing in & all. I never used to suffer from it but the last 4 or 5 years I defiantly have I don't get horribly depressed or anything, I just kinda lose my motivation, my mood kinda "slums" a little & I lose some of the spring in my step you know?

Right, that's the general monotony out of the way, now onto the excitement.

Marvel finally got confirmation of her divorce through
That means our plans to get married when I'm next there go from being tentative to certain
I can't effing wait
The date has been set for December 19th, we have our wedding attire all sorted, most other things we still have to sort though.
Just this morning I ordered a replacement birth certificate as mine appears to have gone missing jut in case I need it for the marriage licence.
I wanna get a new drivers licence sorted too, Mine is old & isnlt a photo id one (ours have only had photos on them for the last 10 years or so) but I need to get my haircut before I can get a decent photo for that

So I'm heading out there on 7th December to spend Christmas with her & her family
I just wish I was going today.
I'm really not good with waiting for things!!

I love her, she's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with

I wanna shout it from the rooftops
I CAN'T WAIT TO MARRY HER

it's an odd feeling though, I'm amazingly excited but I'm also feeling pretty lonely right now, being so far away from the person you love can be tough sometimes, it sounds strange to say but it can be at it's worst when you know you're within touching distance of being with her again.
The fact that she's had a busy weekend hasn't helped, we barely got to talk for 3 days, just a few txt messages & emails Seeing photos of her from the weekend having fun, being out with friends makes it worse actually. I love to see her smiling & enjoying herself, but I get jealous too, then I feel guilty for being jealous I know it's silly but I can't help it.
& that's all followed by knowing that this is always a tough time of year for her, being the anniversary of her brothers accident & passing. I want to be there for her, to hold her or just to be close to support her if she needs it. I'm horribly protective of her I want to do anything in my power to prevent anything hurting her & to be there to help her if anything does.
I feel kinda useless while I'm so far away from her. I blame myself for not being there right now, even though I know there's nothing I could do to change it.

but it's just 34 days till I'm there again