she will not rust through the tears
and it will not lose its appeal over years
come on!
so the funk has lifted from being constantly persistent for the past however many months and rolled back to it's expected coming and going as it pleases... my doctor wrote me a script for Prozac today for my mood swings and lifelong anxiety inspired insomnia, which i filled and took my first dose of, like a good little girl. she's concerned that i may be bi-polar however, and that 'Zac will flip me into mania... i said that wouldn't be such a bad thing - she didn't seem amused. i am never going to repeat next week as long as i live - it was too stressful and full of self loathing - i could have avoided the worst of it if i'd cared to ahead of time. i am too old to feel apathetically sorry for myself anymore - it's just ridiculous... when things suck, you at least have to try and make them better.
i am trying to abolish my behaviors that i think suck. negotiating with self-destruction is becoming entirely too tiresome for me to sustain any longer. i'm not looking to improve my life span or any shit like that - i am still planning on being the impulsive little savior of the human race that i've always privately considered myself - i'm just not going to be big on ignoring my mental health anymore... ironic that i work with the mentally ill in times of crisis, no?
while other peoples problems are much easier for me to deal with, for a myraid of reasons i am well aware of... it is indeed time to address my own fucked up patterns and knock it off, by getting to the root of them, of course, before something i can't deal with happens. i love life and, somewhere, i love myself too... i just have to start acting like it - which i'm sure will be easier when i'm more secure and have some modicum of self-esteem.
i am a lost soul
i shoot myself with rock 'n' roll
the hole i dig is bottomless
but nothing else can set me free
and nothing else will, except for myself... i have a big ego and am very self-confident in a lot of ways... which confuses people when they see me cry - which i do whenever i can because it's good for the soul and usually i can't - i don't want to be found or saved... i want to be accompanied on this journey. i'm insecure with a flair for bullshitting so well, you'd never know how scared i really am - i've bought the ticket and i'm not getting off this ride 'til they throw me out because, as far as i know - this is all i've got to work with
and it will not lose its appeal over years
come on!
so the funk has lifted from being constantly persistent for the past however many months and rolled back to it's expected coming and going as it pleases... my doctor wrote me a script for Prozac today for my mood swings and lifelong anxiety inspired insomnia, which i filled and took my first dose of, like a good little girl. she's concerned that i may be bi-polar however, and that 'Zac will flip me into mania... i said that wouldn't be such a bad thing - she didn't seem amused. i am never going to repeat next week as long as i live - it was too stressful and full of self loathing - i could have avoided the worst of it if i'd cared to ahead of time. i am too old to feel apathetically sorry for myself anymore - it's just ridiculous... when things suck, you at least have to try and make them better.
i am trying to abolish my behaviors that i think suck. negotiating with self-destruction is becoming entirely too tiresome for me to sustain any longer. i'm not looking to improve my life span or any shit like that - i am still planning on being the impulsive little savior of the human race that i've always privately considered myself - i'm just not going to be big on ignoring my mental health anymore... ironic that i work with the mentally ill in times of crisis, no?
while other peoples problems are much easier for me to deal with, for a myraid of reasons i am well aware of... it is indeed time to address my own fucked up patterns and knock it off, by getting to the root of them, of course, before something i can't deal with happens. i love life and, somewhere, i love myself too... i just have to start acting like it - which i'm sure will be easier when i'm more secure and have some modicum of self-esteem.
i am a lost soul
i shoot myself with rock 'n' roll
the hole i dig is bottomless
but nothing else can set me free
and nothing else will, except for myself... i have a big ego and am very self-confident in a lot of ways... which confuses people when they see me cry - which i do whenever i can because it's good for the soul and usually i can't - i don't want to be found or saved... i want to be accompanied on this journey. i'm insecure with a flair for bullshitting so well, you'd never know how scared i really am - i've bought the ticket and i'm not getting off this ride 'til they throw me out because, as far as i know - this is all i've got to work with
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
heavenlyfury:
it's not s.d warren anymore - it's sappi
garamondyo:
you are my first friend. hooray