sorry guys, my last entry was a stupid one, i'm really sorry. but i guess i'd better explain a little.
my depression kicks in big time at this end of the year. i have issues at this time that i don't handle very well. i seem to spiral down and am unable to control it. i've tried fighting it, believe me i have, but the negativity in my head always wins. the blackness takes over and i can't get out of bed or think positively, even the kids can't drag me out, but then i guess they're not going to because they are attached to part of my issues. i wouldn't say at this time i want to die, just walk away and disappear, who knows where, but anywhere rather than here.
someone suggested that i may have SAD(seasonal affective disorder). i mentioned it to my doctor on thursday but he didn't seem convinced. it's probably because he's the one that has dealt with this for the last 15 years and knows more than anyone what's going on. he did increase my meds, which i didn't really want to do, but then he knows best. my shrink was more positve however and did think that it was possible i have this along with my other issues. he asked me to read up on it, which i will do when i have the energy. my key worker, who visits me every two weeks is going to read up though and she's coming out to visit me on wednesday, so maybe she'll be able to offer something positive. in the meantime i have a lamp with a daylight bulb in it and i'm going to try putting that on on the gloomy days and hubby says he's going to get some more of these bulbs in an effort to help me along. fingers crossed.
for now, i'm going to be watched like a hawk by my medical team and my family. hubbys locking my meds away while he's out, although i don't think it's come to that yet.
anyway, as i'm now revealed as such a fuck-up, i will understand if anyone wants to leave my friends list, although i will be sad because i've just cleaned it out to the people i really want there. but honestly, i will understand. people have their own lives and their own troubles and it's not fair to drag them into mine.
take care all of you.
my depression kicks in big time at this end of the year. i have issues at this time that i don't handle very well. i seem to spiral down and am unable to control it. i've tried fighting it, believe me i have, but the negativity in my head always wins. the blackness takes over and i can't get out of bed or think positively, even the kids can't drag me out, but then i guess they're not going to because they are attached to part of my issues. i wouldn't say at this time i want to die, just walk away and disappear, who knows where, but anywhere rather than here.
someone suggested that i may have SAD(seasonal affective disorder). i mentioned it to my doctor on thursday but he didn't seem convinced. it's probably because he's the one that has dealt with this for the last 15 years and knows more than anyone what's going on. he did increase my meds, which i didn't really want to do, but then he knows best. my shrink was more positve however and did think that it was possible i have this along with my other issues. he asked me to read up on it, which i will do when i have the energy. my key worker, who visits me every two weeks is going to read up though and she's coming out to visit me on wednesday, so maybe she'll be able to offer something positive. in the meantime i have a lamp with a daylight bulb in it and i'm going to try putting that on on the gloomy days and hubby says he's going to get some more of these bulbs in an effort to help me along. fingers crossed.
for now, i'm going to be watched like a hawk by my medical team and my family. hubbys locking my meds away while he's out, although i don't think it's come to that yet.
anyway, as i'm now revealed as such a fuck-up, i will understand if anyone wants to leave my friends list, although i will be sad because i've just cleaned it out to the people i really want there. but honestly, i will understand. people have their own lives and their own troubles and it's not fair to drag them into mine.
take care all of you.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
If anything, letting people know what you're going through endears you to people - it's difficult to find someone with openness and honesty in this world. I don't know a single person who hasn't got problems - and if I meet someone who says they have none, I know I'm talking to a liar.
As Oscar Wilde once said, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the hot naked chicks on SG."
Well, he would've put it like that if he were alive today!
I think I may have something like SAD as well. My depressed moods and mood swings have been unusually frequent lately.