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healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL (Chicago Subarb)

Member Since 2005

Followers 17 Following 22

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Thursday Apr 16, 2009

Apr 15, 2009
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slipping away

sometimes its tough to find the exact lyrics
so you find substitutes - ones that can stand in
ones that can fill the void of what you truly want to but can't say

all i could think of was
whatever i could say - he already knew

its tough to find the right words
its also tough to watch your grandfather slip away right in front of you
turn from a mechanical rhythmically breathing being
to a cold nothing

it breaks everyone down
but it brings everyone together

you obviously can't prepare for this
no one sees this shit coming

you wake up in the morning with the mindset of, "hey - i have work"
you might sit there and think "fuck work"
but never does it enter your mind that you will finish your day saying your last goodbyes
looking deep within yourself to find every last essence of what it means to be human
followed by giant bellows and wails, stifled sobs and silent tears

where can you plan that into your work week?
where can you sit there and say, "hey - wednesday is a great day for my grandfather to have a stroke; i'll be able to fit it into my schedule"

life doesn't work like that

life doesn't ask your permission

it just fucking happens - welcome to the world of mortality

you sit there and let everything eat away at everything you have to give
it eats away and lets everything out of you
and just when you think you have the strength to get through it all
it breaks you down

oh - but wait there's always more

you give every last emotion you have and you are drained, spent and shaking

but at the end of all of this there's something i can't shake
something i just can't run away from

no matter how much this hurts -
i just can't turn away from this one thing that keeps gnawing at me

even when your grandmother can't bare to think of him as anything but asleep
when your aunts, uncles, cousins - even your own father - can't bare to look at you with dry eyes
even when you question why - why now - why us - why him
even then
i can't shake the one fact

the fact that within 10 hours - 25 people from all ends of the earth find their way to his bedside
to be there
when it all slowly dims
25 people drop everything
sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces, nephews, granddaughters and grandsons
all find their way there
paving your way 83 years
struggling through many of those
to find your way to the end
to get there without pain
around nothing but loved ones

if you ask anyone
if you ask me
that's how i want to go
that's a treat
that's a life well lived
that's a success

if when you get there you are remembered with nothing but love
you are no longer just a man
if you can live on through love
that's what makes you immortal

bernard wax
you were
and are
loved

i love you
mummifier:
I am sorry to hear that, take care of yourself and your family and you will be in my thoughts. XOXO
Apr 16, 2009

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