hazard

today i was having a pretty shitty day...working on south beach during the winter music conference..i mean it wasn't horrible...but i would have much rather be in bed with rob....
and then...
some guy w/flowers in his hands comes up to me and asks me if i'm jessica..and he hands me the most gorgeous tulips i've ever seen.

my braincell called me tonite and he's...
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so someone played sick at work....and i got to spend the day with him and his cousin....and it was fucking great.

it took me two hours to say goodbye to him.

and yeah, so he's my boyfriend now. yeah i said it. i actually said it.

i wish you wouldn't have left

i had a fabulous weekend. except for the part that i had to wake up this morning and go to work. luckily, i was woken up wonderfully.

i didnt want to get retarded about a boy again. not now. not when i have so much that i have to fix and deal w/in my life. but it happened. i met him and he's wowing me....
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i owe 3 people dinner.

i slept for 12 hours. i feel soooo good.

before work, i must:
shave my legs
pay my storage bill
get my iced caramel macchiato.....

after work:
i lose my bet.

hey....i went a month on the bet...i did good!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

so i started the day with the hangover from hell.
pounding headache and grody details that i'll spare you from....

and then rob came to get me. and he met my mom. and we ate dinner. and we went to starbucks. and we were very annoyed at starbucks by these little whiny bitches. and we thanked god for us not being 16 anymore. and then...
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hi i'm drunk.

tomorrow...me and jackie= house hunting.
a place with a balcony. we need to have our astroturf/pink flamingo lounge...

be proud of me, this is my first moment of non-sobriety in a very very very long time.

and i'm missing you. yeah yeah yeah. i'm admitting it.

wishing i had my cd's out of storage. am craving the wedding present something awful! i'd...
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this is going to be the first night of me sleeping at home since thursday night......

i dont know how i feel about that exactly....
it's good to see my baxter again...i've missed him something fierce....but i feel like i have a second home now...and another cat. haha.

i don't think i want to sleep alone tonight.

i think i need another drink.

why oh why oh why is it so hard to find a place to live?

and why oh why oh why is it that i find the perfect most beautiful apartment ever and it's so in the middle of the ghetto? and it's not even like somewhat ok ghetto..no...it's the full on super ghetto. smack dab in the middle of little haiti.

i have also...
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i tried to be a rockstar today. no really, i did!

i went to my my friend's band practice because they've been wanting me to try and sing for them.

unfortunately, i was stoned and not drunk, therefore i was skerred. real skerred. i did manage to write something, come up with a melody and sing into the microphone. whether it was good....well that's just...
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i don't want to go to work today.

two days till i have a day off....two torturous days.

off i go :/

waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so to balance out two of the most exhausting days ever (but wonderful nonetheless)....i had two of the most relaxing days ever...

now i'm too relaxed. not happy to be home again. and i don't want to go to work tomorrow.

life is really really really good right now. but absolutely petrifying.

baby steps to no fear. baby steps to letting myself feel. baby steps...
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