hayes

Look I'm actually writing, wow. I guess I just find it easier to throw up a song instead of taking the time to sort out my thoughts. And typically one artist or another can pin down my feelings better than I can. So in the past 4 weeks my days have consisted of getting drunk, crying, smoking lots of weed, letting my mind reel back to that day when I should have just stayed, then crying about that again, then getting more hammered, then dreaming about it all over again and waking up actually crying, I didn't think that really happened. There were some good dreams too, but they seemed to be harder to wake up from than the bad ones. I figured it would start getting easier, I would stop thinking about it after a while, or well less anyway, but yet again just last night I find myself laying my head on a tear soaked pillow at 4am wondering why I thought I had to do this to myself. Why I thought I had to do this FOR myself. All the while imagining all the things I would love to do to make her smile, and wishing I had the guts to just see it for myself. Encountering something in each of the last 26 days that tells me what a fucking fool I am...



This is called lobotomy in acrylics..........I could sure go for one of those right now