Warning: Emo entry is emo.
Looking back on the music that's been important to me throughout my life, i'm realizing justh ow lonely i've been. So many of those important songs have been about feelings of isolation or of never being able to find someone to love me.
It makes me really sad for how i used to feel. and still do to a certain extent. it's hard for me to feel comfortable in a relationship because i'm always worried that they're going to leave because...that's what they've always done. Which sounds much more whiny than i want it to. I've gotten used to being treated poorly. Or treated well for awhile and then they got bored or changed their minds or what have you and left.
I hate not feeling comfortable. Because I know I should. I know I have no reason to worry this time, but there's a part of my mind that still worried about old relationship tropes and my expectations for how they play out. It's unfair to the other person that people who screwed me over in the past. They shouldn't have to deal with it.
Thankfully, I'm lucky. Morgan doesn't react with impatience or disdain because of it. she doesn't act like i should just suck it up and get over it. I'm lucky. And in two weeks, I know the feelings of insecurity will start to dissipate because I'll be able see her and touch her when i've got a ghost. She's perfect for me. And if it sounds like I'm bragging, it's because i am.
Sorry for the emo entry
Looking back on the music that's been important to me throughout my life, i'm realizing justh ow lonely i've been. So many of those important songs have been about feelings of isolation or of never being able to find someone to love me.
It makes me really sad for how i used to feel. and still do to a certain extent. it's hard for me to feel comfortable in a relationship because i'm always worried that they're going to leave because...that's what they've always done. Which sounds much more whiny than i want it to. I've gotten used to being treated poorly. Or treated well for awhile and then they got bored or changed their minds or what have you and left.
I hate not feeling comfortable. Because I know I should. I know I have no reason to worry this time, but there's a part of my mind that still worried about old relationship tropes and my expectations for how they play out. It's unfair to the other person that people who screwed me over in the past. They shouldn't have to deal with it.
Thankfully, I'm lucky. Morgan doesn't react with impatience or disdain because of it. she doesn't act like i should just suck it up and get over it. I'm lucky. And in two weeks, I know the feelings of insecurity will start to dissipate because I'll be able see her and touch her when i've got a ghost. She's perfect for me. And if it sounds like I'm bragging, it's because i am.
Sorry for the emo entry
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When Morgan gets there, you will feel less like this egg.
Someone pointed out a while back how depressing a lot of the music is that I used to love as a teen. I hadn't really thought so until they mentioned it. Now I'm readjusting the way I view my adolescence.