hattermad

I hate small talk. I can't do it. It's such hard work. I watch other people interact and it comes so naturally to them. I don't envy them, i just don't understand it. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but it's boring. I don't get the whole, pretending to fain interest in someone or something i care nothing about. This may explain why i'm such a loner lol

But it's SO fucking hard to find genuine people. People that share similar interests. People who are not afraid to be themselves. People like me. Where conversation and connection will come naturally, it won't be so forced and such an epic struggle. I'm not closed minded at all, i just can't communicate with most people. It's like we speak different languages or come from different planets.

"Hi how are you?"
"Zergg lic ob bbbbrrrrbbbbbrbbbb zerg click hsssss ft ft ft."
"Oh cool, i'm going to slowly back away now."
"Mmmmmmm nnggg grnnn pbwwwww."

My doctor explained to me some time ago that it's something usually only addicts, or people with past addictions experience and understand. He said that normal everyday life interactions and encounters just seem trivial and mundane or 'meh', compared to past highs and lows. I guess this is why when i meet someone i click with, it's like OMFG OMFGF FOMG OMFG!!11!1 But unfortunately that happens about 0.1% of the time.


- HM