jesus. why the hell am i still awake?
can barely type, my fingers are losing their brains. but typing errors are a huge pet peeve of mine, so at least i'm awake enough to go back and fix them.
to do list:
-somehow get financial aid check so as not to be poor as fuck, spending last few dollars on cigarettes
-fucking go to class already
-write interesting journal entry
-write interesting journal entry for desidia.
wonder how much of that will actually get done.
there's someone i miss a whole lot. i think i've been a terrible friend to him lately, and i wish i knew how to fix it. i doubt he'll even read this as i'm sure he doesn't want anything to do with me right now. i will desperately try not to be the girl who fades away, i can't stand it.
once upon a time, when there was drama with renee, i said i would try to do something. she said "don't TRY, just do it." she's so smart and honest, sometimes more honest than i can handle. sometimes it was too much and i couldn't stop crying, and i didn't know how to tell her how i felt, because for so many years i'd been hiding my emotions, from everyone and from myself, i didn't remember how to let it out, and as i spoke i was hearing the words for the first time. but i had to do it, i couldn't lose her. and then i did lose her, and my sanity, but i got her back and for that i am so thankful. i need to call her. not right now, though. it's fucking 7:30am.
i don't want to lose him. or if i have already, i want him back. i want to make things better. as it was with renee, it may be difficult. but it's worth it.
my, how i ramble on...
can barely type, my fingers are losing their brains. but typing errors are a huge pet peeve of mine, so at least i'm awake enough to go back and fix them.
to do list:
-somehow get financial aid check so as not to be poor as fuck, spending last few dollars on cigarettes
-fucking go to class already
-write interesting journal entry
-write interesting journal entry for desidia.
wonder how much of that will actually get done.
there's someone i miss a whole lot. i think i've been a terrible friend to him lately, and i wish i knew how to fix it. i doubt he'll even read this as i'm sure he doesn't want anything to do with me right now. i will desperately try not to be the girl who fades away, i can't stand it.
once upon a time, when there was drama with renee, i said i would try to do something. she said "don't TRY, just do it." she's so smart and honest, sometimes more honest than i can handle. sometimes it was too much and i couldn't stop crying, and i didn't know how to tell her how i felt, because for so many years i'd been hiding my emotions, from everyone and from myself, i didn't remember how to let it out, and as i spoke i was hearing the words for the first time. but i had to do it, i couldn't lose her. and then i did lose her, and my sanity, but i got her back and for that i am so thankful. i need to call her. not right now, though. it's fucking 7:30am.
i don't want to lose him. or if i have already, i want him back. i want to make things better. as it was with renee, it may be difficult. but it's worth it.
my, how i ramble on...
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Hope you're feeling better, hon. *hugs and stuff*