hastwothumbs

Strange and Guaranteedidly Crappy Short Story Week. Blah, blah, blah, and here's number three.

Germs dont have a sense of humor is the plainest summation of Brevek Verrangs teachings. Brevek himself never knew any germs, but he knew people who knew people that knew germs. Most of these people were either ancient Greeks or space aliens. Critics across the centuries have wondered why Brevek would base all his knowledge on hearsay, especially since all that hearsay came from rather disreputable sources. In one of his later works, Brevek argues that knowledge defies all rational explanations.

Brevek often walked in the middle of his towns streets. To him, it was his trademark. To everyone else, it was foolish and his trademark. They would yell at him, Brevek! Get out of the street! The sidewalks are wonderful this time of year!

To which Brevek would shake his head and yell, The middle of the road is symbolic of my political views. I neither am for anything nor am I against anything. For I feel that politics, like marriage, should not be discussed by anyone other than the politicians or the married couple, whatever the case. So, it is as such, that I walk in the middle of the road to symbolize how my political views are IN THE MIDDLE.

In those days, the only transportation was horse and carriage, so Brevek never caused much trouble. He observed all traffic signs, never assuming that, since he was a pedestrian, he can just waltz into the middle of an intersection because everyone else will have to stop. In essence, he became a vehicle unto himself. The mayor took notice of Brevek and passed a law, declaring Breveks sandals to be a special class of transportation vehicle. (What it really meant was that Brevek now had to get a license to wear sandals. A license he had to purchase for forty dollars every three years.)

During one particularly slow walk in the middle of rush hour, Brevek happened by a young banker arguing with a young carpenter. Brevek strolled up to the curb to listen to them. The banker wanted the mayor to be appointed through an election, while the carpenter liked that government positions had to be paid for. Each made their case surprisingly well, which was why they couldnt sway the other. They argued until sundown. Just as they were about to part company, Brevek cleared his voice to get their attention. Then, to make sure everyone uninvolved with the argument could hear him, as well, he yelled, Gentlemen! Your cases are as equally mighty as your mouths. But! You see, if the mayor is elected the people are to blame for any failures because they chose him. If the mayor buys his position, then the people are to blame for letting him into power without protest. There is a third alternative neither of you have suggested, however. And THAT is to let the mayor be passed on from father to son. That way, only God can choose who will become the next mayor.

And you cant blame God if a mayor fails, the banker added.

Exactly, Brevek agreed. For God would only give us a leader of the highest caliber! Any failings would be a result of the devils tampering.

This reasoning so impassioned the people that they stormed the courthouse and demanded the current mayor be mayor for life, until his son could take over. This was made into law the very next morning.

However, the current mayor was a homosexual and, thus, had no heirs. When he died, no one could replace him. Breveks city is now lost to history, just as most of Breveks stuff was lost to looters.