Sometimes I wonder if my desire to be a writer is the reason I'm so awkward around people.
I'm very interested in reactions, so I do strange things on purpose. These strange things cause people to hate and fear me, so they lash out and attack. This, in turn, forces me to retreat from the world of man and cower the night away, alone in my room. I stop doing weird things in front of people. I become incredibly nervous around them, instead. After a while, I forget why I stopped testing for reactions and the whole cycle begins anew.
Now, if I didn't want to be a writer, would I do this stuff anyway, just for the hell of it? I tend to think I wouldn't.
On Monday, we had to do this excercise in my acting class (oh, yeah, I started school again last week
which means that sooner or later there's going to be another one of those loooooong "I'm so sad and mad" entries I used to do, because school is enemy number one). What we had to do was partner up (which is something I absolutely hate doing), tell our partner a little about ourselves, and then recite to the class what our partner told us. I was torn between doing two things. I could either take it seriously and be honest. Or I could go insane and reveal things like how I'm really a giant, floating brain with psychic powers come from the year 3047 to bring about a wave of pestilence and doom the likes of which you puny humans have never seen.
Naturally, I was leaning towards this second option. But, for whatever reason, I went with the first. The only problem is, what the hell do I tell my partner?
"Yeah, man, I spent the entire weekend becoming a powerful Jedi and freeing Wookies from slave traders."
Which is the truth. That's what I did all weekend.
But, no, I just told useless, boring trivia. And my partner, either unaware or unconcerned that he was making me look like a jackass, reported on things like the number of siblings I have and what kind of car I drive (which actually met with several scoffs from the rest of the class; although, I have no idea why, since it's a rather common car. It's not like I'm driving a hundred-thousand dollar convertible or a Hummer or anything ridiculous
)
But, hey, it's not my lot in life to look cool. Which is getting easier to accept... but it would still be nice to come out the hero every once in a while.
Although, I don't see why I care. It's not like there's any cute girls in the class that I want to impress.
Now, my history class on the other hand...
There's not one but two awesomely cute girls in there. Both have the "really short and only partly dyed" hair style. One has more of a punk look while the other is raverish (which can be forgiven). But with my luck they're probably gay.
Huh. Here's a bit of irony for you:
This new group of kids started going to the same club I go to on Mondays. In this group is a rather feminine guy who, at a distance, looks like a really cute girl. At first, I thought he was a girl. So I was watching him dance and thinking he had a good sense of rhythm and a great dance style.
It wasn't a big deal when I realized he was a guy. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit when guys are good looking and such. I watch the other guys dance if they have a cool or at least interesting style. It's not a big deal to me.
Anyway, my point is that I hope he's gay, so he doesn't get pissed off that I watch him dance. (You could argue that his feminine look makes it pretty obvious that he is. But it's hard to tell with these emo/indie kids, seeing as that's the popular style.) But he probably isn't.
So to recap: the girls I'm crushing on right now are probably gay and the guy I'm platonically (honest!) interested in is probably straight, though I hope he's gay.
This entry is weird. I have no idea why I'm telling you people this.
Although, it's a lot weirder that it's actually happening to me. This is my life right now? Geez...
Last item of business: I got new glasses. They're the round-lensed kind. The LensCrafters only had black, thick-rimmed frames, so now I look like a wannabe emo kid.
As if that weren't bad enough, I also look like a wannabe Harry Potter. No. Really. I look like freakin' Harry Potter now.
I didn't do it on purpose. I thought the glasses make me look like a mad scientist. But so far, all I've gotten is, "Hey, that guy has Harry Potter glasses."
Over and out.
I'm very interested in reactions, so I do strange things on purpose. These strange things cause people to hate and fear me, so they lash out and attack. This, in turn, forces me to retreat from the world of man and cower the night away, alone in my room. I stop doing weird things in front of people. I become incredibly nervous around them, instead. After a while, I forget why I stopped testing for reactions and the whole cycle begins anew.
Now, if I didn't want to be a writer, would I do this stuff anyway, just for the hell of it? I tend to think I wouldn't.
On Monday, we had to do this excercise in my acting class (oh, yeah, I started school again last week
which means that sooner or later there's going to be another one of those loooooong "I'm so sad and mad" entries I used to do, because school is enemy number one). What we had to do was partner up (which is something I absolutely hate doing), tell our partner a little about ourselves, and then recite to the class what our partner told us. I was torn between doing two things. I could either take it seriously and be honest. Or I could go insane and reveal things like how I'm really a giant, floating brain with psychic powers come from the year 3047 to bring about a wave of pestilence and doom the likes of which you puny humans have never seen.
Naturally, I was leaning towards this second option. But, for whatever reason, I went with the first. The only problem is, what the hell do I tell my partner?
"Yeah, man, I spent the entire weekend becoming a powerful Jedi and freeing Wookies from slave traders."
Which is the truth. That's what I did all weekend.
But, no, I just told useless, boring trivia. And my partner, either unaware or unconcerned that he was making me look like a jackass, reported on things like the number of siblings I have and what kind of car I drive (which actually met with several scoffs from the rest of the class; although, I have no idea why, since it's a rather common car. It's not like I'm driving a hundred-thousand dollar convertible or a Hummer or anything ridiculous
)
But, hey, it's not my lot in life to look cool. Which is getting easier to accept... but it would still be nice to come out the hero every once in a while.
Although, I don't see why I care. It's not like there's any cute girls in the class that I want to impress.
Now, my history class on the other hand...
There's not one but two awesomely cute girls in there. Both have the "really short and only partly dyed" hair style. One has more of a punk look while the other is raverish (which can be forgiven). But with my luck they're probably gay.
Huh. Here's a bit of irony for you:
This new group of kids started going to the same club I go to on Mondays. In this group is a rather feminine guy who, at a distance, looks like a really cute girl. At first, I thought he was a girl. So I was watching him dance and thinking he had a good sense of rhythm and a great dance style.
It wasn't a big deal when I realized he was a guy. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit when guys are good looking and such. I watch the other guys dance if they have a cool or at least interesting style. It's not a big deal to me.
Anyway, my point is that I hope he's gay, so he doesn't get pissed off that I watch him dance. (You could argue that his feminine look makes it pretty obvious that he is. But it's hard to tell with these emo/indie kids, seeing as that's the popular style.) But he probably isn't.
So to recap: the girls I'm crushing on right now are probably gay and the guy I'm platonically (honest!) interested in is probably straight, though I hope he's gay.
This entry is weird. I have no idea why I'm telling you people this.
Although, it's a lot weirder that it's actually happening to me. This is my life right now? Geez...
Last item of business: I got new glasses. They're the round-lensed kind. The LensCrafters only had black, thick-rimmed frames, so now I look like a wannabe emo kid.
As if that weren't bad enough, I also look like a wannabe Harry Potter. No. Really. I look like freakin' Harry Potter now.
I didn't do it on purpose. I thought the glasses make me look like a mad scientist. But so far, all I've gotten is, "Hey, that guy has Harry Potter glasses."
Over and out.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
P.S. Heh,heh..Clara agreed with me . Embrace your Harry Potter-ness!!!!!
Burgh-man BEGONE!!!!! I cast you out of MY fair city . And take your creepy little dummy sidekick with you!!!!