So, I don't have anything of grand importance to say. I have a bunch of thoughts in my brain today that I would like to process, but it seems impossible. I want a rewind button for this weekend. It was good and bad; but when it was bad..it was really bad.
One of my good friends that I work with had a Fall Feast at her house Saturday night which I really enjoyed. I needed it; badly. I didn't take my medication Saturday so I would have some sort of appetite to gorge myself, and gorge I did. It was glorious.
I want to erase Friday night from my brain. And I'm pretty much there already, so I don't want to mention anything about it other than 1. it sucked 2. I've already cut my losses (and I use that word loosely) 3. I wish I had a Knight. I have a boyfriend, but I don't have a Knight. Two totally different things apparently.
I have been without car since Saturday when my car decided to leak Carbon Monoxide, and that was fun. I should have it back today, I hope. Sunday was the Medieval Festival and that was a good time. I still want to be a gypsy. Got to see the gulf on a side trip, had a lovely little dinner on the beach before coming back to Orlando.
Yesterday I had a very uneventful day off. I slept in with the boy, he went to work to do inventory, I took his car home (he took his motorcycle to work), I got quiznos and slept til he was finished. Got sushi. Went to Beer Church. Then I was spent. Wanted to go home. I feel bad having "early nights" because he is so lively (I guess?) and sometimes all I want to do is lay in bed and watch T.V. He's a lot more social than I am and I feel bad about that too. In addition to falling asleep hours before he does every night. I can't help it. Don't know what to do. I really don't think being home by 11 on a work night is that blasphemous; especially when you've been drinking since 7. I guess I'm just the boring old lady, I don't know. Whatever.
I feel like this blog sounds kind of bitter, and I am kind of bitter lately.
I wish that I could change people. I wish I was more verbally articulate. I wish I had the balls to have some conviction. I wish that I didn't feel like I have to cater to people. I wish I could spend every day in the shade reading.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"_
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all."
One of my good friends that I work with had a Fall Feast at her house Saturday night which I really enjoyed. I needed it; badly. I didn't take my medication Saturday so I would have some sort of appetite to gorge myself, and gorge I did. It was glorious.
I want to erase Friday night from my brain. And I'm pretty much there already, so I don't want to mention anything about it other than 1. it sucked 2. I've already cut my losses (and I use that word loosely) 3. I wish I had a Knight. I have a boyfriend, but I don't have a Knight. Two totally different things apparently.
I have been without car since Saturday when my car decided to leak Carbon Monoxide, and that was fun. I should have it back today, I hope. Sunday was the Medieval Festival and that was a good time. I still want to be a gypsy. Got to see the gulf on a side trip, had a lovely little dinner on the beach before coming back to Orlando.
Yesterday I had a very uneventful day off. I slept in with the boy, he went to work to do inventory, I took his car home (he took his motorcycle to work), I got quiznos and slept til he was finished. Got sushi. Went to Beer Church. Then I was spent. Wanted to go home. I feel bad having "early nights" because he is so lively (I guess?) and sometimes all I want to do is lay in bed and watch T.V. He's a lot more social than I am and I feel bad about that too. In addition to falling asleep hours before he does every night. I can't help it. Don't know what to do. I really don't think being home by 11 on a work night is that blasphemous; especially when you've been drinking since 7. I guess I'm just the boring old lady, I don't know. Whatever.
I feel like this blog sounds kind of bitter, and I am kind of bitter lately.
I wish that I could change people. I wish I was more verbally articulate. I wish I had the balls to have some conviction. I wish that I didn't feel like I have to cater to people. I wish I could spend every day in the shade reading.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"_
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all."
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
bhavok:
I know how you feel, I'm always in bed by 10 or 11.. Or even sometimes earlier.. Your just growing up and changing.. I've been kind of bitter lately also, but that extends from money woe's.. Sometimes growing up and becoming an adult sucks.. But sometimes its cool also.. I hope your not beating yourself up to badly darling..
whiskeyagogo:
This is a little belated but I wanted to say thanks for commenting on my hopefuls set! 