This is going to be a semi long one.. bare with me please.
I've just come to the conclusion that I'm going to be a failure in my parents eyes and thats not going to change unless I get a kick ass degree, marry a wealthy white man, have lots of sons, stay home with said sons until they are old enough to go to school, jump at every beckoning call from my "older and wiser" parents, and help them any way i possibly can. So since only about two of those things are even feasible at this point in time, I've just stopped caring. I'm trying my hardest with what I'm doing in life right now and thats all that matters. They want the best for me. I get that, but there comes to a point when what they think is best for me... really isn't. So, for now I'm just going to work. TRY to get back into school. Move out with the boyfriend and get out of Indiana. The atmosphere has become toxic.
Oh yea, my mom did some research last night and found out that because she is an alcoholic there's all these things that go into play with your children... DUH! I told her. Anyways, She never drank when she was pregnant.. i just mean after the children grow up a little and realize what kind of environment they are living in. It's called Codependency... Basically, it means that there's a problem in your family and no one addresses it.. never. You don't talk about it. You know its there but we refuse to see it. You learn to repress certain emotions about the said problem. You become a "survivor" and don't even want help from anyone else etc. So that was the case with my moms drinking, no one mentioned it AT ALL until about 2 or 3 months ago when i was upset with her and called her an alcoholic. She's getting help but this codependency shit is intense. It fits everything about me and i hate that. I hate that my moms drinking had such an impact on my life in such a way that i couldn't help it. I went through my moms drinking from the time i was an infant until now... She's 46 years old and was still drinking herself sick. She would be curled up over the toilet at night.. I HATE that my little sisters saw that. I guess that explains why I have always either been the "mother figure" or not. It was never just the sister or the daughter... I had to be the one to shield my sisters from all of that while my dad was taking care of her... BLAH. It's isn't fair. Lets just add one more thing to the list of "Problems with HarlowAnn" Whatever... I know there isn't much I can do. I AM proud of my mom for doing what she's done thus far... She's started AA and stuff. But i feel like it's just another attention seeker for her. Now she can go around telling people that she really is an alcoholic and get sympathy for it.
...Whatever. I'm gonna just go eat now. Venting session over i suppose.
Has anyone else heard of that Codependency stuff or actually have that issue in their life?? I'd really like to know.
Thank you all for listening/reading
i really do appreciate it..
I've just come to the conclusion that I'm going to be a failure in my parents eyes and thats not going to change unless I get a kick ass degree, marry a wealthy white man, have lots of sons, stay home with said sons until they are old enough to go to school, jump at every beckoning call from my "older and wiser" parents, and help them any way i possibly can. So since only about two of those things are even feasible at this point in time, I've just stopped caring. I'm trying my hardest with what I'm doing in life right now and thats all that matters. They want the best for me. I get that, but there comes to a point when what they think is best for me... really isn't. So, for now I'm just going to work. TRY to get back into school. Move out with the boyfriend and get out of Indiana. The atmosphere has become toxic.
Oh yea, my mom did some research last night and found out that because she is an alcoholic there's all these things that go into play with your children... DUH! I told her. Anyways, She never drank when she was pregnant.. i just mean after the children grow up a little and realize what kind of environment they are living in. It's called Codependency... Basically, it means that there's a problem in your family and no one addresses it.. never. You don't talk about it. You know its there but we refuse to see it. You learn to repress certain emotions about the said problem. You become a "survivor" and don't even want help from anyone else etc. So that was the case with my moms drinking, no one mentioned it AT ALL until about 2 or 3 months ago when i was upset with her and called her an alcoholic. She's getting help but this codependency shit is intense. It fits everything about me and i hate that. I hate that my moms drinking had such an impact on my life in such a way that i couldn't help it. I went through my moms drinking from the time i was an infant until now... She's 46 years old and was still drinking herself sick. She would be curled up over the toilet at night.. I HATE that my little sisters saw that. I guess that explains why I have always either been the "mother figure" or not. It was never just the sister or the daughter... I had to be the one to shield my sisters from all of that while my dad was taking care of her... BLAH. It's isn't fair. Lets just add one more thing to the list of "Problems with HarlowAnn" Whatever... I know there isn't much I can do. I AM proud of my mom for doing what she's done thus far... She's started AA and stuff. But i feel like it's just another attention seeker for her. Now she can go around telling people that she really is an alcoholic and get sympathy for it.
...Whatever. I'm gonna just go eat now. Venting session over i suppose.
Has anyone else heard of that Codependency stuff or actually have that issue in their life?? I'd really like to know.
Thank you all for listening/reading
i really do appreciate it..
While living through your mothers alcoholism may have put an unfair burden on you it as almost certainly made you a better person in spite of this. It sounds to me like your mother needs some professional help with her alcohol abuse problem. A well balanced person should not need to turn to substance abuse to make it through everyday life. If she is using the alcohol to get attention as you believe she is then your family needs to stop supporting this behavior and try to convince her to get help. It's not right for her to put this kind of burden on your family. I hope things turn out well for you.