Funny how relationships show you how psycho you are hey?
Like woah!
But guess what, today G took a shower and left his phone in the room and I didnt even want to look thru it. Its not that I trust him, its just that, well, id like to think Ive matured from doing that and also, I dont need to deal with the drama of knowing.
Ive been a bit out of sorts lately, I dont know why, Im just... meh. ya know?
Anyway, we missed the courier today who was delivering my shiney new British Passport - boo! So now I have to wait around tomorrow to get it. And then I can apply for the Ozzie visa.
I AM GOING TO AUSTRALIA! I know it, with every fiber in my being.
Maybe thats why Ive been out of sorts, Im feeling restless. I just want to go already. I want to find a cool bar to bartend in, a rad place to stay on the beach, take up surfing again, explore the hippy/arty suburbs, explore Sydney, visit Moz, and maybe even find a biker bar type strip club where I can be "Bossy", yeah thats my name fucker, Im BOSSY. Id also like to take up regular pole dancing lessons, get super fit pole dancing and surfing. I wish I had bought a pole insted of decks, Id be so fit and much better on the pole by now if I had.
That reminds me, I need to get in touch with that Saffa surf judge friend of mine who works for the ASP (Association of Surfing Professionals) - he lives in Sydney, he may have some good suggestions and leads for me of where to stay and work.
IM FUCKING GOING TO BE IN AUSTRALIA IN A FEW WEEKS TIME!
I just need money for the flight, which I need to book ASAP. Im waiting to hear back from Capital One to see if they will give me a credit card so I can book my flight.
I have been working on setting up a new site, this one for all my affiliate links. Take a look at the links to the right, all personally selected by myself, all shops I do or would shop from.
Ive just signed up for iTunes and Ebay affiliates as well, so I will be working on those too. Speaking of Ebay, I will be starting the mountain of Ebay listings I need doing today.
Stayed at G's last night. Felt a bit annoyed with him, I dont know why. We watched 300, that movie is such a turn on! Hot men being strong and honourable - LOVE IT! Then I fucked him but I couldnt come, I dont know why, I am definately out of sorts. I woke up grumpy with a sore back so G gave me a back massage which was nice, then he went down on me and we had a quick fuck cos he came real quick cos I had made him wait so long.
I definately want to experience having a submissive boyfriend. In fact, I think most men are inclined to be "submissive" in that, they like their woman to be in charge and to do the things she asks him to do. Id like to boss my boy around so that he cleans my house, cooks me dinner, massages me, and I can use him sexually the way I want to so that I get off everytime. Im tired of straight/vanilla sex where Im just doing it and then realise Im not actually enjoying it.
Sometimes I get this urge, when Im on top, to punch whoever Im fucking in the face. Its weird. Sometimes I really have to suppress the urge... Im also a biter. Im always biting and nipping the guys Im with. I was definately a cat in my past life. DEFINITELY.
Its not like I want to dress in latex and wield a wip and have my boy crawling all over the place. I think that sort of behaviour is masculine and stems from women over compensating their inability to be powerful for so many thousands of years with the only power they know - masculine power. I think it is possible, and NECESSARY for women to find their own unique FEMININE power and use that instead, I think it is an infinitely more powerful power also. Masculine power is domineering and forceful. Feminine power simply commands and expects her desires to be met and if the man does not, he continues to live an unbalanced, unfulfilled life, always feeling like there is something missing. Men come with a joy stick for fuck sake! Control the cock, control the man - AND THEY LOVE IT.
And even tho, these are my beliefs, I still find myself feeling bad for not standing by what I want. Like Last night, I fucked G and then I was so knackered from trying to come and getting off on him, I just wanted to rest and bless him, he is not the type to demand his share of the fun and games, besides, he LOVES it when I am on top, that IS is share! Anyway, I woke up this morning to his usual morning glory and felt annoyed because I felt like I owed him an orgasm, eventually I mentioned this to him and he laughed and said I dont and I shoudnt feel that way and a huge weight was taken off my shoulder. And writing this has just made me realise how lucky I am to be with a boy who just wants me to be happy and fulfilled and is happy to provide my happiness however he can.
But still, maybe I can bring out the submissive in G, if I would but just take charge, no? There have been a couple times where I have been so caught up in riding him and he moves around so much under me, trying to give me pleasure that Ive slapped his legged and ordered him to KEEP STILL and he says he loves it when I do that. He likes how my eyes change when I am like that. Its funny, I have played the online Mistress for two years and never done so in my real life. Mind you, this is the first relationship I have been in since Cassiano a year ago.
But I would like to have hands on experience of having a boy, or boys around me that honour and obey me as their Queen and who dedicate their lives to my pleasure. Not so much "live-in slaves" altho that would be nice had I had a place for them to live-in. But boys I can command and have such a relationship with that we can learn together the beauty of a woman's desires and a man's service to her desires. Mama Gena describes it further in her book Mama Gena's Owners and Operator's Guide to Men.
Being so cat like, it would be lovely to languish on a comfortable bed or divan in my beautiful home and have my boys fawn over me and jump to my ever wish and command. Some cleaning my home, some massaging my feet, some brushing my hair, some working at making money to support my desires and expenses. And each being eternally grateful for the opportunity.
And this is such a rare thing. I would call it my own personal fetish. It is rare to find such men who are strong and selfless enough to provide in such a way and to see that such service is their ultimate gain. Having been involved in the online BDSM/Money Slavery business for the past two years, there are far too many fetishistic guys out there looking to be ordered into a wank or self hating freaks looking for a bossy woman to degrade and humiliate them. I am just not into that. I am not a man hating woman. Yes, there are plenty of men out there worthy of being hated, beaten and ruined, and plenty who know it and pay to be treated exactly so, but I have no interest in these men. My one and only interest is in those men who seek to serve a woman's desires and find deep fulfillment and satisfaction from doing so.
It must be said however, my current desires are finances for travel, first class flights, and becoming debts free. (My debts only amount to 300 credit card, 500 overdraft and a 60 bar tab at work). In my work as a "Money Domme", I have met such men, but they are far and few between and due to the saturation of man hating greedy "Goddesses" on the net all saying the same things, they are often caught up too quickly in destructive ways which burn them for life. Which is unfortunate. They began their search because they knew they needed to serve the desires of a woman, that they needed her commands, and were so eager to do so that they thought that what all these so called "Princesses" were telling them to do was what they needed to do to fulfill this calling they felt they had. Unfortunately, many a good man has been lost in this way.
I am going to do some more work in my Financial Devotion / Pleasure Principle / She Desires website and wait for those rare Princes among swine to come my way so that I can begin a fulfilling relationship with these men, allowing them to do what they need to do and find fulfillment in serving my desires. For that is the true nature of man - Women desire, men serve.
Like woah!
But guess what, today G took a shower and left his phone in the room and I didnt even want to look thru it. Its not that I trust him, its just that, well, id like to think Ive matured from doing that and also, I dont need to deal with the drama of knowing.
Ive been a bit out of sorts lately, I dont know why, Im just... meh. ya know?
Anyway, we missed the courier today who was delivering my shiney new British Passport - boo! So now I have to wait around tomorrow to get it. And then I can apply for the Ozzie visa.
I AM GOING TO AUSTRALIA! I know it, with every fiber in my being.
Maybe thats why Ive been out of sorts, Im feeling restless. I just want to go already. I want to find a cool bar to bartend in, a rad place to stay on the beach, take up surfing again, explore the hippy/arty suburbs, explore Sydney, visit Moz, and maybe even find a biker bar type strip club where I can be "Bossy", yeah thats my name fucker, Im BOSSY. Id also like to take up regular pole dancing lessons, get super fit pole dancing and surfing. I wish I had bought a pole insted of decks, Id be so fit and much better on the pole by now if I had.
That reminds me, I need to get in touch with that Saffa surf judge friend of mine who works for the ASP (Association of Surfing Professionals) - he lives in Sydney, he may have some good suggestions and leads for me of where to stay and work.
IM FUCKING GOING TO BE IN AUSTRALIA IN A FEW WEEKS TIME!
I just need money for the flight, which I need to book ASAP. Im waiting to hear back from Capital One to see if they will give me a credit card so I can book my flight.
I have been working on setting up a new site, this one for all my affiliate links. Take a look at the links to the right, all personally selected by myself, all shops I do or would shop from.
Ive just signed up for iTunes and Ebay affiliates as well, so I will be working on those too. Speaking of Ebay, I will be starting the mountain of Ebay listings I need doing today.
Stayed at G's last night. Felt a bit annoyed with him, I dont know why. We watched 300, that movie is such a turn on! Hot men being strong and honourable - LOVE IT! Then I fucked him but I couldnt come, I dont know why, I am definately out of sorts. I woke up grumpy with a sore back so G gave me a back massage which was nice, then he went down on me and we had a quick fuck cos he came real quick cos I had made him wait so long.
I definately want to experience having a submissive boyfriend. In fact, I think most men are inclined to be "submissive" in that, they like their woman to be in charge and to do the things she asks him to do. Id like to boss my boy around so that he cleans my house, cooks me dinner, massages me, and I can use him sexually the way I want to so that I get off everytime. Im tired of straight/vanilla sex where Im just doing it and then realise Im not actually enjoying it.
Sometimes I get this urge, when Im on top, to punch whoever Im fucking in the face. Its weird. Sometimes I really have to suppress the urge... Im also a biter. Im always biting and nipping the guys Im with. I was definately a cat in my past life. DEFINITELY.
Its not like I want to dress in latex and wield a wip and have my boy crawling all over the place. I think that sort of behaviour is masculine and stems from women over compensating their inability to be powerful for so many thousands of years with the only power they know - masculine power. I think it is possible, and NECESSARY for women to find their own unique FEMININE power and use that instead, I think it is an infinitely more powerful power also. Masculine power is domineering and forceful. Feminine power simply commands and expects her desires to be met and if the man does not, he continues to live an unbalanced, unfulfilled life, always feeling like there is something missing. Men come with a joy stick for fuck sake! Control the cock, control the man - AND THEY LOVE IT.
And even tho, these are my beliefs, I still find myself feeling bad for not standing by what I want. Like Last night, I fucked G and then I was so knackered from trying to come and getting off on him, I just wanted to rest and bless him, he is not the type to demand his share of the fun and games, besides, he LOVES it when I am on top, that IS is share! Anyway, I woke up this morning to his usual morning glory and felt annoyed because I felt like I owed him an orgasm, eventually I mentioned this to him and he laughed and said I dont and I shoudnt feel that way and a huge weight was taken off my shoulder. And writing this has just made me realise how lucky I am to be with a boy who just wants me to be happy and fulfilled and is happy to provide my happiness however he can.
But still, maybe I can bring out the submissive in G, if I would but just take charge, no? There have been a couple times where I have been so caught up in riding him and he moves around so much under me, trying to give me pleasure that Ive slapped his legged and ordered him to KEEP STILL and he says he loves it when I do that. He likes how my eyes change when I am like that. Its funny, I have played the online Mistress for two years and never done so in my real life. Mind you, this is the first relationship I have been in since Cassiano a year ago.
But I would like to have hands on experience of having a boy, or boys around me that honour and obey me as their Queen and who dedicate their lives to my pleasure. Not so much "live-in slaves" altho that would be nice had I had a place for them to live-in. But boys I can command and have such a relationship with that we can learn together the beauty of a woman's desires and a man's service to her desires. Mama Gena describes it further in her book Mama Gena's Owners and Operator's Guide to Men.
Being so cat like, it would be lovely to languish on a comfortable bed or divan in my beautiful home and have my boys fawn over me and jump to my ever wish and command. Some cleaning my home, some massaging my feet, some brushing my hair, some working at making money to support my desires and expenses. And each being eternally grateful for the opportunity.
And this is such a rare thing. I would call it my own personal fetish. It is rare to find such men who are strong and selfless enough to provide in such a way and to see that such service is their ultimate gain. Having been involved in the online BDSM/Money Slavery business for the past two years, there are far too many fetishistic guys out there looking to be ordered into a wank or self hating freaks looking for a bossy woman to degrade and humiliate them. I am just not into that. I am not a man hating woman. Yes, there are plenty of men out there worthy of being hated, beaten and ruined, and plenty who know it and pay to be treated exactly so, but I have no interest in these men. My one and only interest is in those men who seek to serve a woman's desires and find deep fulfillment and satisfaction from doing so.
It must be said however, my current desires are finances for travel, first class flights, and becoming debts free. (My debts only amount to 300 credit card, 500 overdraft and a 60 bar tab at work). In my work as a "Money Domme", I have met such men, but they are far and few between and due to the saturation of man hating greedy "Goddesses" on the net all saying the same things, they are often caught up too quickly in destructive ways which burn them for life. Which is unfortunate. They began their search because they knew they needed to serve the desires of a woman, that they needed her commands, and were so eager to do so that they thought that what all these so called "Princesses" were telling them to do was what they needed to do to fulfill this calling they felt they had. Unfortunately, many a good man has been lost in this way.
I am going to do some more work in my Financial Devotion / Pleasure Principle / She Desires website and wait for those rare Princes among swine to come my way so that I can begin a fulfilling relationship with these men, allowing them to do what they need to do and find fulfillment in serving my desires. For that is the true nature of man - Women desire, men serve.