argh! i just typed out a whole long blog and then lost it! argh!
ok ,lets try again.
im sure you all wanna know whats going on in my life.
i have been making room for my future in travel by getting rid of everything i own and i hav already packed my suitcase. in my mind, i am already there, so i know i WILL be there in the near future.
my citizenship ceremony is on the 7th december and then i just hav to apply for my british passport and then i can apply for my visa. i need to book my flight ASAP also. i think i am gonna get a one way ticket to sydney cos the current plan is to fly out of brisbane at the end of next year to japan via bali and thailand, teach english in japan for three months and then spend three months in the states visiting hawaii, SoCal and costa rica before either going home to South Africa or back to London...
you see, recently, i got in contact with a bunch of my old school friends thru facebook and all of them are married, most with kids and most back in SA. even my first serious boyfriend is married now. but there is one guy who id like to see again. he was someone i knew briefly. i was always into his friend more. simon has gone back home and started his own extreme sports company, hes also a photographer and covered in tattoos now. something in me felt very drawn to him. its probably cos he is now the kind of guy i like, gentle and calm and clever (he reads books) and determined and diligent and funny and taller than me and tattooed and into mto cross and photography and he likes me. haha! we had a short chat on msn and he says i should hurry back home. i dont know, i kept feeling like i could marry him even tho i dont want to get married. if he is religious, that would be a deal breaker. and if he is a patriarchal chauvinist (which i dont remember him being).
anyway, i have been spending all my time doing affirmations like 'i am happy, healthy and wealthy". i even write lines in my notebook, pages of "i am financially secure" and "i am perfectly healthy". if im always thinking positive thoughts, there is no room for negative thoughts. life gives you more of what youre grateful for too, so i spend a lot of time thanking everything from my mom, friends, job and home to my wage, boss, colleagues and health. tomorrow is pay day and i am going to thank and bless and kiss each and every note. our thoughts becomes reality so it is important that i think only about what i want in my life and how i want my life to be and be thankful for the things i already have and want more of. and you know what, i am feeling so good. i am taking time to remember to approve of myself and acknowledge what i do which doesnt come easy for me. i am constantly stopping myself when i criticise myself or someone else because that is negative.
"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."
today i took a moment to be still and ask the universe "what do i need to know?" and almost immediately i had an image of a hawks eye and as soon as i identified what it was, i suddenly knew that the thoughts i had been having at work about what the other staff think of me is my old paranoia showing up again and that i need not worry about what they think or let it trouble me. i asked if there was anything else i needed to know and nothing came but i felt relief after that realisation. it was amazing to feel so connected to life, to feel communicated to by a higher power that had my greater good as its main aim. i feel protected and loved by life. some people call it god, some people call it mother goddes, some people call it whatever, i like to think of it as the universe or life - a great big incredible energy. people in goddess religions often refer to it as Gaia or Mother Earth. Gaia is the name of the life force energy in a lot of science fiction movies and animations. Whatever it is, something wants me to have the best life i can have, but i have to fix my learned thinking in order to allow it to happen.
ive also been thinking a lot about raising the kids im going to be having one day. i thought today, everyday is going to be the scariest day of my life! haha! but it will be if i think it will be. you have to monitor your thoughts because everything you think becomes reality. i want kids, but woah, what a huge responsibility. and not only that, i need to find a guy that has similar values to me so we can agree on how the kids will be raised.
i have changed so much. i really know my worth and am learning it more and more each day. i also feel younger these days funnily enough. i guess because i am starting a new journey in my life now.
im quite nervous about travelling to australia. but then we always feel like that wen we know we are leaving our comfort zones. but comfort zones are bitter sweet for me. i get very restless not doing anything new even tho i like to have a home to relax in. i need to travel so i can settle down and im hoping alone the way of my travels i will find my passion and my partner. and of course get both my arms and back tattooed!
"life is not about finding yourself - it is about CREATING YOURSELF" and that is what i intend to do. i am the creative director of my life, no one else can paint my picture. i am who i decide i am. and today, i stand before a blank canvas, which is pretty dawnting, but i feel positive because i LIKE myself and i can do ANYTHING.
apart from all this personal journey stuff, nothing much else is going on. im sort of seeing this guy, burt, he's just 21 and i see him about once a week whenever i feel like it. he lives up at the hostel and i see him wen i go to visit that lot. its nice having a guy who likes you and its nice that he doesnt call me or text me. i like having someone there when i want them and then getting on with my life. id never date him for real, he has no concept of how to treat a lady and i dont hav the time to train him.
tyne has left so we've all got more hours at work and that means earning tips and not having the time to spend them cos im always at work. however, i do hav a 60 bill at work and a 70 phone bill as well as rent to put away and travel fund savings. but its all good. i am positive i will be leaving for australia in january.
i always get what i want
ok ,lets try again.
im sure you all wanna know whats going on in my life.
i have been making room for my future in travel by getting rid of everything i own and i hav already packed my suitcase. in my mind, i am already there, so i know i WILL be there in the near future.
my citizenship ceremony is on the 7th december and then i just hav to apply for my british passport and then i can apply for my visa. i need to book my flight ASAP also. i think i am gonna get a one way ticket to sydney cos the current plan is to fly out of brisbane at the end of next year to japan via bali and thailand, teach english in japan for three months and then spend three months in the states visiting hawaii, SoCal and costa rica before either going home to South Africa or back to London...
you see, recently, i got in contact with a bunch of my old school friends thru facebook and all of them are married, most with kids and most back in SA. even my first serious boyfriend is married now. but there is one guy who id like to see again. he was someone i knew briefly. i was always into his friend more. simon has gone back home and started his own extreme sports company, hes also a photographer and covered in tattoos now. something in me felt very drawn to him. its probably cos he is now the kind of guy i like, gentle and calm and clever (he reads books) and determined and diligent and funny and taller than me and tattooed and into mto cross and photography and he likes me. haha! we had a short chat on msn and he says i should hurry back home. i dont know, i kept feeling like i could marry him even tho i dont want to get married. if he is religious, that would be a deal breaker. and if he is a patriarchal chauvinist (which i dont remember him being).
anyway, i have been spending all my time doing affirmations like 'i am happy, healthy and wealthy". i even write lines in my notebook, pages of "i am financially secure" and "i am perfectly healthy". if im always thinking positive thoughts, there is no room for negative thoughts. life gives you more of what youre grateful for too, so i spend a lot of time thanking everything from my mom, friends, job and home to my wage, boss, colleagues and health. tomorrow is pay day and i am going to thank and bless and kiss each and every note. our thoughts becomes reality so it is important that i think only about what i want in my life and how i want my life to be and be thankful for the things i already have and want more of. and you know what, i am feeling so good. i am taking time to remember to approve of myself and acknowledge what i do which doesnt come easy for me. i am constantly stopping myself when i criticise myself or someone else because that is negative.
"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."
today i took a moment to be still and ask the universe "what do i need to know?" and almost immediately i had an image of a hawks eye and as soon as i identified what it was, i suddenly knew that the thoughts i had been having at work about what the other staff think of me is my old paranoia showing up again and that i need not worry about what they think or let it trouble me. i asked if there was anything else i needed to know and nothing came but i felt relief after that realisation. it was amazing to feel so connected to life, to feel communicated to by a higher power that had my greater good as its main aim. i feel protected and loved by life. some people call it god, some people call it mother goddes, some people call it whatever, i like to think of it as the universe or life - a great big incredible energy. people in goddess religions often refer to it as Gaia or Mother Earth. Gaia is the name of the life force energy in a lot of science fiction movies and animations. Whatever it is, something wants me to have the best life i can have, but i have to fix my learned thinking in order to allow it to happen.
ive also been thinking a lot about raising the kids im going to be having one day. i thought today, everyday is going to be the scariest day of my life! haha! but it will be if i think it will be. you have to monitor your thoughts because everything you think becomes reality. i want kids, but woah, what a huge responsibility. and not only that, i need to find a guy that has similar values to me so we can agree on how the kids will be raised.
i have changed so much. i really know my worth and am learning it more and more each day. i also feel younger these days funnily enough. i guess because i am starting a new journey in my life now.
im quite nervous about travelling to australia. but then we always feel like that wen we know we are leaving our comfort zones. but comfort zones are bitter sweet for me. i get very restless not doing anything new even tho i like to have a home to relax in. i need to travel so i can settle down and im hoping alone the way of my travels i will find my passion and my partner. and of course get both my arms and back tattooed!
"life is not about finding yourself - it is about CREATING YOURSELF" and that is what i intend to do. i am the creative director of my life, no one else can paint my picture. i am who i decide i am. and today, i stand before a blank canvas, which is pretty dawnting, but i feel positive because i LIKE myself and i can do ANYTHING.
apart from all this personal journey stuff, nothing much else is going on. im sort of seeing this guy, burt, he's just 21 and i see him about once a week whenever i feel like it. he lives up at the hostel and i see him wen i go to visit that lot. its nice having a guy who likes you and its nice that he doesnt call me or text me. i like having someone there when i want them and then getting on with my life. id never date him for real, he has no concept of how to treat a lady and i dont hav the time to train him.
tyne has left so we've all got more hours at work and that means earning tips and not having the time to spend them cos im always at work. however, i do hav a 60 bill at work and a 70 phone bill as well as rent to put away and travel fund savings. but its all good. i am positive i will be leaving for australia in january.
i always get what i want
yay for the citizenship ceremony, hope it all goes well and you get your passport/visa in time.