Don't touch me please, I cannot stand the way you tease
I had a panic attack at work on Friday night. I felt overwhelmed and scared and anxious and just wanted to run out of there but I kept trying to get my thoughts in the right place so I could stay and work but the more I tried to make things right, the more I lost control and I started to shake and fret and I couldnt breath and I started to get tearful, so I went to get changed and my manager came up after me and asked if I was ok, gave me a hug and I burst into tears and he said to go home.
It was even busier last night and I really tried to be in the right mood, to not disappoint Alan again, but I just couldnt deal with all these men. It was so busy, ram packed full of leering men and right now I have total distaste towards men in general so the thought of giving them what they want but dont deserve just disgusted me and then I get anxious because I need to make money but it means going against every fiber of my being. The feeling of being treated like a discardable sex object is not something I can deal with right now, or at least couldnt last night. Not when I was feeling so vulnerable.
So I ran. I got changed and left, without saying anything to anyone. I dont know what this means for my future, for my plans for Australia. I dont know if I can become truly evil with my website and start raking it in by humiliating, degrading and breaking loser men who pay me to do so.
ON a side nite, Ive figured out how to do America next year even tho I get a one year working holiday visa to Oz. I will do America during Oz's winter and then go back to Oz for the remainder of the year and summer.
I walked up to Belushis and loads of people I know where there. Wolfie took care of me and I just chilled out and enjoyed the live band who were fantastic. I spotted a guy, I liked the way he dressed and he had full sleeve tattoos. We eyed eachother up the whole night, but I didnt smile at him. I dont want anything to do with men for a long time. I just dont like the fuckers anymore. They dont fucking deserve anything. Men are fucking dogs, whos egos live in their cocks and they have a lot to fucking do to even try to become worthy of my attention or find some salvation. I just want to castrate every male I see right now.
Funnily, I had three pints of cider bought for me by three different guys at the same time and I had to give two pints away because the bar closed and I didnt fancy staying for the lock in despite having a deep and meaningful with Frankie. He said I absolutely ooze sex appeal. And that it lives in my eyes. I do actually, if I think about it. Its probably why bitches are always jealous and protective when Im around and funnily enough, I hav no interest in their loser boyfriends anyway.
So as I left to go back to the hostel, I bump into Lee and Dave who actually both gave me a kiss on the lips when they saw me in the pub earlier and Dave licked my tattoo ever so hornily too ha!
So we all walked over to Red Square and went upstairs where lo and behold MASTERVIBE is playing the nastiest, hardest drum and bass. So of course I proceed to absolutely lose it on the dancefloor. I was covered in sweat in about 3 minutes and eventually danced so hard I had to sit down. And next to Dave I did. Having had a chat about our previous sexual adventures earlier that week, earlier that night at Belushis, the conversation went back to it somehow, I was trying to get out of him, without being obvious, why he ignored me the other day when I wanted to fuck him again. Apparently I hadnt been clear enough! So all that stressing was for no reason! Anyway, he wanted it and I wanted it, so I said "Lets fuck" and we got up and left and took a stroll back to the hostel and it eventually came out how Im so cat like and very much like a stray, abused domestic cat. And he listened so nicely and slowed down to hear me and held my hand and it was so sweet. He was pretty drunk, and me just a bit tipsy.
And then we had another fantastic sex session, I came ten times, maybe more, I was sweating and it was intense and he kissed me so deeply and then we were out of breath and we lay down and he twisted his fingers in mine and kissed my shoulders and neck. He wanted to stay awake and enjoy my presence but he passed out and I was resonating too high to sleep, so I kissed him good night, put his duvet on him and went to my bed with a big smile on my face.
So I feel good again. It feels good to have sex with a good guy, who fucks you hard but treats you right.
As much as I am on the defense, I realise, my defense is directly proportional to how vulnerable I feel inside.
I had a panic attack at work on Friday night. I felt overwhelmed and scared and anxious and just wanted to run out of there but I kept trying to get my thoughts in the right place so I could stay and work but the more I tried to make things right, the more I lost control and I started to shake and fret and I couldnt breath and I started to get tearful, so I went to get changed and my manager came up after me and asked if I was ok, gave me a hug and I burst into tears and he said to go home.
It was even busier last night and I really tried to be in the right mood, to not disappoint Alan again, but I just couldnt deal with all these men. It was so busy, ram packed full of leering men and right now I have total distaste towards men in general so the thought of giving them what they want but dont deserve just disgusted me and then I get anxious because I need to make money but it means going against every fiber of my being. The feeling of being treated like a discardable sex object is not something I can deal with right now, or at least couldnt last night. Not when I was feeling so vulnerable.
So I ran. I got changed and left, without saying anything to anyone. I dont know what this means for my future, for my plans for Australia. I dont know if I can become truly evil with my website and start raking it in by humiliating, degrading and breaking loser men who pay me to do so.
ON a side nite, Ive figured out how to do America next year even tho I get a one year working holiday visa to Oz. I will do America during Oz's winter and then go back to Oz for the remainder of the year and summer.
I walked up to Belushis and loads of people I know where there. Wolfie took care of me and I just chilled out and enjoyed the live band who were fantastic. I spotted a guy, I liked the way he dressed and he had full sleeve tattoos. We eyed eachother up the whole night, but I didnt smile at him. I dont want anything to do with men for a long time. I just dont like the fuckers anymore. They dont fucking deserve anything. Men are fucking dogs, whos egos live in their cocks and they have a lot to fucking do to even try to become worthy of my attention or find some salvation. I just want to castrate every male I see right now.
Funnily, I had three pints of cider bought for me by three different guys at the same time and I had to give two pints away because the bar closed and I didnt fancy staying for the lock in despite having a deep and meaningful with Frankie. He said I absolutely ooze sex appeal. And that it lives in my eyes. I do actually, if I think about it. Its probably why bitches are always jealous and protective when Im around and funnily enough, I hav no interest in their loser boyfriends anyway.
So as I left to go back to the hostel, I bump into Lee and Dave who actually both gave me a kiss on the lips when they saw me in the pub earlier and Dave licked my tattoo ever so hornily too ha!
So we all walked over to Red Square and went upstairs where lo and behold MASTERVIBE is playing the nastiest, hardest drum and bass. So of course I proceed to absolutely lose it on the dancefloor. I was covered in sweat in about 3 minutes and eventually danced so hard I had to sit down. And next to Dave I did. Having had a chat about our previous sexual adventures earlier that week, earlier that night at Belushis, the conversation went back to it somehow, I was trying to get out of him, without being obvious, why he ignored me the other day when I wanted to fuck him again. Apparently I hadnt been clear enough! So all that stressing was for no reason! Anyway, he wanted it and I wanted it, so I said "Lets fuck" and we got up and left and took a stroll back to the hostel and it eventually came out how Im so cat like and very much like a stray, abused domestic cat. And he listened so nicely and slowed down to hear me and held my hand and it was so sweet. He was pretty drunk, and me just a bit tipsy.
And then we had another fantastic sex session, I came ten times, maybe more, I was sweating and it was intense and he kissed me so deeply and then we were out of breath and we lay down and he twisted his fingers in mine and kissed my shoulders and neck. He wanted to stay awake and enjoy my presence but he passed out and I was resonating too high to sleep, so I kissed him good night, put his duvet on him and went to my bed with a big smile on my face.
So I feel good again. It feels good to have sex with a good guy, who fucks you hard but treats you right.
As much as I am on the defense, I realise, my defense is directly proportional to how vulnerable I feel inside.
I started reading this and was really worried for you, i hpe your not feeling so vulneable now, and im glad you had amazing sex, there is nothing like it!!!