too fast for love. i like that.
today i told someone ive never met that i love them and realised its because theyre so much like me.
i started stripping again last night. the club im at is tiny and full or skanky girls who dirty dance. i found it really hard and had to have a few drinks to shut my brain up and get on with it. i only came home with 175. i spent like 30 in the club on drinks and tip out so i should have come home with close to 200 insted. not a bad night considering the other girls did better than i did. anyway, back tonight for some more cash. at least i paid some of my phone bill off so i can use my phone again. tomorrow, i will pay the rest off. and then pay my other phone off. and then pay for new contact lenses. and then pay for my dvd subscription. and then go get a massage lol!
i dont know why i find the job hard. is it because i cant be arsed to be fake and sweet to these guys i dont care about? or that i dont know how? it puts me off when i smile and they just look away. i mean come on! im GORGEOUS!
this is a picture i took of me before i went to work last night:
please explain why the guys arent falling over themselves to have me talk to them and dance naked for them? could i be TOO beautiful? like unapproachable or intimidating?
well, tonight i am going to make less of an effort with my appearance, try and look a bit more skank and see if that helps... i think guys get off on dissing me cos they know i wouldnt look at them in a real bar.
i also hate how i cant stop thinking about how im better than this. but i dont have an education outside of high school and i dont know what i want to do. so what the fuck else am i supposed to do? im too bohemian to work a straight job, but im too good for stripping, so what the fuck!?
i wish i had someone to guide me. someone who has their head screwed on and who can help me go forward in my life, positively. someone who knows how to encourage me, someone i can look up to and be inspired by, someone who will kick me up the arse and not let me be lazy because Goddess knows i hav NO self control!
the only time i do something is wen its got so bad that i HAVE to. and it gets that bad cos i dont do anything.
i need to be thrown into the deep end and forced to swim that way. its the only way i perform. want me to make an effort on my own? sorry, i didnt hear you cos i was sleeping...
today i told someone ive never met that i love them and realised its because theyre so much like me.
i started stripping again last night. the club im at is tiny and full or skanky girls who dirty dance. i found it really hard and had to have a few drinks to shut my brain up and get on with it. i only came home with 175. i spent like 30 in the club on drinks and tip out so i should have come home with close to 200 insted. not a bad night considering the other girls did better than i did. anyway, back tonight for some more cash. at least i paid some of my phone bill off so i can use my phone again. tomorrow, i will pay the rest off. and then pay my other phone off. and then pay for new contact lenses. and then pay for my dvd subscription. and then go get a massage lol!
i dont know why i find the job hard. is it because i cant be arsed to be fake and sweet to these guys i dont care about? or that i dont know how? it puts me off when i smile and they just look away. i mean come on! im GORGEOUS!
this is a picture i took of me before i went to work last night:
please explain why the guys arent falling over themselves to have me talk to them and dance naked for them? could i be TOO beautiful? like unapproachable or intimidating?
well, tonight i am going to make less of an effort with my appearance, try and look a bit more skank and see if that helps... i think guys get off on dissing me cos they know i wouldnt look at them in a real bar.
i also hate how i cant stop thinking about how im better than this. but i dont have an education outside of high school and i dont know what i want to do. so what the fuck else am i supposed to do? im too bohemian to work a straight job, but im too good for stripping, so what the fuck!?
i wish i had someone to guide me. someone who has their head screwed on and who can help me go forward in my life, positively. someone who knows how to encourage me, someone i can look up to and be inspired by, someone who will kick me up the arse and not let me be lazy because Goddess knows i hav NO self control!
the only time i do something is wen its got so bad that i HAVE to. and it gets that bad cos i dont do anything.
i need to be thrown into the deep end and forced to swim that way. its the only way i perform. want me to make an effort on my own? sorry, i didnt hear you cos i was sleeping...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
harlow:
honey, it sounds like a lot, but in this business, its like making 5 an hour! for the shit i have to put up with for 8hrs in six inch heels dancing naked for assholes who dont deserve it, i should be taking home 500 a night, not 100...
user9345qq3:
You're absolutely gorgeous and if those guys don't realize that, then they're just too stupid to waste your time on!