Speaking of hot Australians...
Met a group of Ozzies who came in for a late drink on Friday night with a fucking hot Korean in tow who turns out not to understand much English. Anyway, they invited me out for a drink after I finished work and I ended up just going round their place and getting pissed and trying to get gear but no one had cos it was now late. Cameron, the cute one stayed up and we ended up kissing on the sofa. I cant believe Ive been so horny for weeks and then when Im presented with a horny guy, I just dont want it. He wasnt too pleased, but I cant blame him, he got me off, but I wouldnt let him have sex with me. We eventually went to bed and he tried again but he shares a room with a couple and I didnt want anything to happen cos Id be embaressed and well cos I just didnt wanna sleep with him. He's cute, but I just wasnt that attracted to him. Anyway, everyone was cool even though Id stayed the night having just met them. I went home around midday and had lunch at work then met up with Cam, Jude, Jin the hot Korean and Tyson in Clapham Common. After the sun went down we went for more Magners Cider in a pub and I taught Jin some English, like how to say Different without pronouncing it Dipperent haha! He said I would make a lot of money if I went to Korea to teach English. He has such a hot body, tall and hard like Jet Li.
Anyway, Cameron and I seemed to get on ok without being a couple, I felt like I might sleep with him tonight. We came home, drank a bit and he cooked a mean chilli pasta, then I went to bed. Later he joined me, got me off again and yet again I just didnt want to sleep with him, by now the guy was pissed even though he didnt say anything, so I called a cab and came home.
But I was so twisted about it. I was like fuck, you want to get laid but then you stop and I know its because I didnt want a guy I hardly knew fucking me cos I gave it up. I wanna be fucked by someone who wants ME not someone who wants IT. So, I guess I do want that special guy.
So Im standing outside in my hotpants and vest waiting for the cab and I think back to last summer, lying in the park with another guy, Ade who I was fucking but he didnt care about ME. And I thought fuck man, youre always messing around with half-assed guys. You fucking deserve a hot guy who thinks the world of you and treats you like diamonds without losing himself in you.
I think I have some issues... I think maybe I dont realise how much I might not think that much of myself. Like, maybe I dont think I deserve what I do deserve. Emily says I am a total hottie. Everyday I get hooted at, whistled at, called at, hit on, or some other variation. I dont go unnoticed and I dont try to be noticed. I put it down to the blonde hair and the good body shape. Whatever, guys are attracted to me - from afar.
And I always attract guys in relationships. Am I just tempting and nothing more? Am I afraid to let people in? Have I been burned that much? Today even I wondered if I dont find it easy to make friends... I mean, I am gregarious, fiesty, flirtatious, shy, strong willed, and definately defensive. And why? Why am I so damn defensive? Yeah, Ive been let down, tons of times. Yeah I think its from years of wanting the best from people and just constantly being let down. Years of being disappointed because everyone is too afraid to LIVE.
I want to do so much and have so much fun and experience so much but I have yet to meet someone who is on the same wavelength as myself. Someone who has the same energy and drive, who wants to LIVE their life and doesnt sell out and work their life away. I dont know, I have so much to learn still.
I want that guy who can see me. Someone who takes the time to look, to notice, really. Who doesnt try and apply me to them but just lets me be and thinks that im perfect just the way I am but also pushes me to be better like a friend does.
God sometimes I just want to sleep for days, I need to get a life and I feel too exhausted from all this work to even take the time to think about what to do with myself. Basically, I need money and a British passport so I can go travelling. It takes 6 months to get the passport, six months to make 6000, then fuck off outta here to see America and Australia.
this is what happens to my room when all i do is go to work and come home and sleep and in between go out if i can... im actually quite a neat and tidy person
Met a group of Ozzies who came in for a late drink on Friday night with a fucking hot Korean in tow who turns out not to understand much English. Anyway, they invited me out for a drink after I finished work and I ended up just going round their place and getting pissed and trying to get gear but no one had cos it was now late. Cameron, the cute one stayed up and we ended up kissing on the sofa. I cant believe Ive been so horny for weeks and then when Im presented with a horny guy, I just dont want it. He wasnt too pleased, but I cant blame him, he got me off, but I wouldnt let him have sex with me. We eventually went to bed and he tried again but he shares a room with a couple and I didnt want anything to happen cos Id be embaressed and well cos I just didnt wanna sleep with him. He's cute, but I just wasnt that attracted to him. Anyway, everyone was cool even though Id stayed the night having just met them. I went home around midday and had lunch at work then met up with Cam, Jude, Jin the hot Korean and Tyson in Clapham Common. After the sun went down we went for more Magners Cider in a pub and I taught Jin some English, like how to say Different without pronouncing it Dipperent haha! He said I would make a lot of money if I went to Korea to teach English. He has such a hot body, tall and hard like Jet Li.
Anyway, Cameron and I seemed to get on ok without being a couple, I felt like I might sleep with him tonight. We came home, drank a bit and he cooked a mean chilli pasta, then I went to bed. Later he joined me, got me off again and yet again I just didnt want to sleep with him, by now the guy was pissed even though he didnt say anything, so I called a cab and came home.
But I was so twisted about it. I was like fuck, you want to get laid but then you stop and I know its because I didnt want a guy I hardly knew fucking me cos I gave it up. I wanna be fucked by someone who wants ME not someone who wants IT. So, I guess I do want that special guy.
So Im standing outside in my hotpants and vest waiting for the cab and I think back to last summer, lying in the park with another guy, Ade who I was fucking but he didnt care about ME. And I thought fuck man, youre always messing around with half-assed guys. You fucking deserve a hot guy who thinks the world of you and treats you like diamonds without losing himself in you.
I think I have some issues... I think maybe I dont realise how much I might not think that much of myself. Like, maybe I dont think I deserve what I do deserve. Emily says I am a total hottie. Everyday I get hooted at, whistled at, called at, hit on, or some other variation. I dont go unnoticed and I dont try to be noticed. I put it down to the blonde hair and the good body shape. Whatever, guys are attracted to me - from afar.
And I always attract guys in relationships. Am I just tempting and nothing more? Am I afraid to let people in? Have I been burned that much? Today even I wondered if I dont find it easy to make friends... I mean, I am gregarious, fiesty, flirtatious, shy, strong willed, and definately defensive. And why? Why am I so damn defensive? Yeah, Ive been let down, tons of times. Yeah I think its from years of wanting the best from people and just constantly being let down. Years of being disappointed because everyone is too afraid to LIVE.
I want to do so much and have so much fun and experience so much but I have yet to meet someone who is on the same wavelength as myself. Someone who has the same energy and drive, who wants to LIVE their life and doesnt sell out and work their life away. I dont know, I have so much to learn still.
I want that guy who can see me. Someone who takes the time to look, to notice, really. Who doesnt try and apply me to them but just lets me be and thinks that im perfect just the way I am but also pushes me to be better like a friend does.
God sometimes I just want to sleep for days, I need to get a life and I feel too exhausted from all this work to even take the time to think about what to do with myself. Basically, I need money and a British passport so I can go travelling. It takes 6 months to get the passport, six months to make 6000, then fuck off outta here to see America and Australia.
this is what happens to my room when all i do is go to work and come home and sleep and in between go out if i can... im actually quite a neat and tidy person