hardcoregirl

So early in the day and I've already had to contend with airport security and deal with drama.

Root Canal took two hours, not done yet though. I can eat fine, no cold sensitivity either! woo!

Read this bunch of shit if you are a knoxville local or ever support local "gothic happenings" like I have for the past 2 years as a member and moderator on knoxgothic.com and knoxfetish.com and knoxferatu.com...

Dear All,

Last night, I made a mistake. No, let me go back farther...

Two and a half years ago, I helped out a friend. His name is Jonathan Cooper,
aka DarkVader. I made a website for him. This website's name is
KnoxGothic.com.

KnoxGothic.com, when I came into the situation, was no more than a message
board. It had, when I signed on and started work, under fifty members.

I agreed to do the website for Jonathan, as a favor to a friend. He said that I
could have copyright privileges for all of the work I was doing. I told him
that I didn't think that was necessary. Just copyright it to KnoxGothic, I
thought. I wouldn't be betrayed by Jonathan.

At that point, I had known Jonathan for quite awhile. He came over to hang out
pretty regularly and often helped me with my computer. I considered him, at
that time, one of my best friends.

One of the other people involved in KnoxGothic.com was Jason Esty, aka Arkady.
I had known him even longer than Jonathan, but not as well. He and a friend had
started a dance night, what was to become Sanctus. I remember them saying how
happy they were about the turnout, it being around seventy-five people.

So, I designed a logo, a huge ankh piercing the Sunsphere, and threw together a
temporary site -- the same one which you would find, for the most part, if you
were to go to KnoxGothic.com today. I wanted to get the site up in time for the
upcoming dance night, so that they could announce it, there. I was never really
happy with the way it turned out, but planned a redesign, as soon as time
permitted.

I asked no fee for any of my services, and was not paid any.

It was after April's "Masked Ball" Sanctus that I began to get involved in
promotions for Sanctus, as well. I came to that night, supposed to be a big
event, and found that the only thing they were doing differently from the other
nights they put on before it was that there was a huge, ugly mask, provided at
the last minute by the venue, a left-ever from some frat party, on the wall.
This was their "Masked Ball." I was disappointed. But, moreover, I thought, "I
can help. I can make this thing rock."

So, I started making Sanctus fliers, organizing special events, everything that
wasn't getting done which needed to get done. I promoted both the site and the
night, watching their numbers steadily rise, enjoying none of the monetary
fruits of my labors, but enjoying the fact the I could look at it all and think,
"I did this."

Perhaps I needed the distraction, as well. In my personal life, I was facing a
stormy relationship and a new diagnosis for my, then three year old, daughter,
Lily. The doctors said that she has Prader-Willi Syndrome. I needed something
I could have fun with, as the other parts of my life were not much fun at all.

As time went on, I began to see that things could be done better. There were
ways to do things that would make the scene better and, at the same time, pay
the KGB (Jonathan, Jason, Andrew, and me) - not much, mind you. I hadn't been
paid a dime; Jonathan was paid seldom, and not much, even then; and I know that
the DJs for Sanctus weren't rolling in it. I proposed these ideas to the three
other members of the KGB. All were shot down. I was, also, told that
KnoxGothic and Sanctus were separate, and that I just needed to take care of the
site and stay out of Sanctus business. I accepted that suggestion, and added
that I really had been working too much for Sanctus, and I could use the break.

They seemed surprised when the Sanctus promotions stopped. They, apparently,
didn't think that I would stop making their fliers and all of the other things I
did. Or, perhaps, they just didn't notice what I did until I wasn't doing it
anymore. Regardless, I was told, a month later, that they had changed their
minds. I was, indeed, part of Sanctus, that KnoxGothic.com and Sanctus were one
and the same. I got back to work with, still, no pay, and little thanks.

Things went on this way for a little while. During this time I did such things
as spend my own money on promotional materials, get babysitters for my daughter
so that I could go out at night to promote, and spend, literally, all my free
waking hours for days working for KnoxGothic. I began to tire of the endless,
thankless, and, it began to seem, meaningless work. I had great ideas. I had
more than doubled the numbers at Sanctus and increased the forum traffic
exponentially, but they still wouldn't acknowledge me or let me have any say in
what happened. I saw things starting to get stale. I didn't want to work under
these conditions. I gave my notice of resignation, but I wanted to go out with
a bang.

Our -- no, not our -- MY Halloween party was the single biggest event Sanctus,
KnoxGothic, and, I dare say, Knoxville's Gothic scene had ever seen. I worked
my ass off for a month straight to make it thus. When the night came, I was so
exhausted I could barely stand up. But, all of my work yielded a party that
exceeded Sanctus' usual numbers by over 100 people and was talked about for a
long time afterward. The biggest irony, as I look back on this now, is that I
persuaded everyone involved: the venue, the DJs, everyone to work for free. All
proceeds from the very hefty door that night were collected and put into the
hands of my dear friend, Jonathan Cooper.

The plan for the money was to do a server upgrade for KnoxGothic.com. Another
irony is that the actual machinery still being used was paid for by my work.
For those of you not familiar with the current situation involving KnoxGothic
and Knoxferatu, you will realize these ironies as I proceed with my story.

I continued with the website, for a time. I bowed out of that the following
spring. A combination of disgust, disappointment, and disillusionment made my
retirement a relief. I wanted no more of that business.

When my new husband, Tony, started talking about a new dance night, I was not
interested. He also had the idea for a new site, which he christened
"Knoxferatu", a play on the German word for vampire, "Nosferatu." People were,
also, getting fed up with the mismanagement of KnoxGothic and were asking me if
I might want to put together a private forum. I decided that, while I wasn't
wholeheartedly interested in the massive amounts of work it takes to do either
of these projects, it would be worthwhile -- I wouldn't be doing it all myself
this time and I would have a say in how things were managed. We secured a
venue, started the site, and proceeded with Knoxferatu and the Black Ball.

Things didn't go right with the Ball from the start. It seemed that, no matter
what happened, things just wouldn't fall, or be forced, into place. After
struggling for weeks with all aspects of the enterprise, including being
disallowed access to promoting on KnoxGothic.com by the very friend I did a
favor for by creating that site, we lost our venue -- the day before the event.
It seems that the fire marshal was called in and declared the venue unsafe. The
stairs in the back hadn't a cover over them, and, if it snowed enough, snow
could pile up in front of the door, trapping the occupants in the case of an
emergency. There had to be an awning in place before the venue would be allowed
to operate. I might add this was September.

I scrambled and found a venue at the last minute. We shifted gears and managed
to, still, get 180 people that night. The cost of not canceling was taking a
loss at the door. But, we wanted the show to go on. And it did. However, this
venue's prices would not make it possible to continue using it. So, we planned
to continue with the original venue, once everything was okay with the codes.
Alas, the venue, apparently in financial difficulty, closed soon after.

Candace, aka Candicide, approached Tony and me in May of this year. She wanted
to know if we would be interested in another night. Tony said that he
definitely was. I, knowing the work involved, thought that I wouldn't be able,
as I had just given birth to our son, Lonas, in January and he required most of
my time. After much thought, we decided to do it. Tony would operate as
Knoxferatu, opening the private forum to everyone, which we had planned to do
for some time. Knoxferatu was to promote the night and other ventures our
members were involved in. SunsFear Productions was born, the brainchild of
Candace and me. Our night was to be at Fairbanks, July 3, 2004. We named it
The End.

We knew that promoting would be problematic. Jonathan, or should I say,
KnoxGothic, as expected, deleted and butchered our posts, in the latter
instances changing our words around until they did not resemble our original
post in the slightest. They even put a word filter in their forum, so that
anytime someone typed our address, it automatically changed it to
"knoxgothic.com". While their members seemed to hunger for a Saturday night
event (Sanctus is on a Sunday), KnoxGothic wanted to keep this information from
them. We decided that the response to our night was so significant that we
didn't have to worry about KnoxGothic at all. The show would go on without
their support, and would have a good turnout, as all those we talked to said
that everyone was going. The new forum was up and running and everyone seemed
excited about the night.

But, then, I made a mistake.

I thought that it would be a good idea to send out a mass email, reminding the
members of the Knoxferatu Forum that The End. was this Saturday. I had worked
that entire day, dividing my time between my children and the promotional
effort. It was very late when I typed out the following:

I sent it off and went to bed.

It wasn't until the next day that I realized my error. Instead of
"http://www.knoxferatu.net/theend," I typed, "http://www.knoxGOTHIC.COM/theend."
It was a stupid mistake, but one made in exhaustion. After typing,
"knoxgothic.com" so many times when I was working on promotions for them, I
guess it just got programmed in. Knoxferatu is, after all, a fairly new entity,
and I haven't typed our name even half as many times as I have "knoxgothic.com."
Well, I thought, the damage was done. People would think that I had made a
mistake, laugh, and go on. They would know that the link was meant to take you
to Knoxferatu.net. The email, was only sent out to our registered members. I
thought that, once my day's work was done, I would post a correction.

Jonathan beat me to it. The page my erroneous link led people to became, not an
error message saying, "Page Not Found," but, something new. This page, mocked
up to look just like our The End. site, read as follows:

Jonathan, my former friend, the owner of the site I built, KnoxGothic.com, a
partner in the dance night I promoted for free for the large part of a year,
Sanctus, did this.



Well, I'm mad. But, you know, this won't shake me. This won't end us. The show
will go on. I've faced -- we've faced -- bigger obstacles than the ultimate
betrayal of a once treasured friend. I may never know why he did this, but I
think that his actions speaks for themselves.

KnoxGothic.com doesn't own the scene. Neither do we. We don't claim to. When
choosing a night for our event to occur on, we chose the first Saturday of the
month, assuring that our patrons would be able to, also, attend Sanctus, the
third Sunday of each month, if they chose. Two nights a month are better than
one. If we can prove this, we can convince club owners that a weekly night -- a
weekly Saturday night -- is worth doing. Can you imagine? -- a SATURDAY WEEKLY
GOTH NIGHT. We have enough people to support it. I ask you, "Why not support
it?"

Now, I will not be retaliating against this wrong in the myriad of ways I could,
if I chose to. The End. is not canceled. We aren't going anywhere. I do
think, however, that this story needs to be told. So, please, if you have an
online journal, a forum, a site; if you frequent any communities where
individuals might be interested in this story -- post this letter there. If you
talk to anyone in our scene or those in other cities -- tell this tale. Let
this story stand for what it is. Don't try to convince anyone not to go to
Sanctus or sign onto KnoxGothic.com. These entities enrich our scene in their
own ways. Don't boycott them yourself. Just let the truth be told.

If you would, also, please, sign up for our forum. The address is
[url]http://www.knoxferatu.net. I would love for you to come to The End.,
as well. If you want info about that, go to
[url]http://www.knoxferatu.com/theend. There are so many people in our
community who have a hand in making this night and this forum happen, both named
and unnamed. Don't do these things for me. Do them for you.

If anyone has any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. My
name is Erin Stone Taylor. I go by ReddErin online. My email address is
redderin@knoxferatu.net.

Anyways, I will be there this Saturday, and next month, I may be in a kissing booth!