hardcoredoug

Mother's Day is coming up. If you and your mom don't get along all that great.... you want mine?

Not giving her up or anything, I just bet she'll adopt you if you ask really nicely. That sounds like the kind of Barbara shit she'd do.

Looking forward to a new week of playing with my animals, crushing it at work, cooking something new, generally overextending myself and making things weird for everyone involved, and above all else.... drinking water!

Alright gang, let's punch this week's butt in the butt. HRRRRNNNNGGGHHHH

Kiss me, I'm mostly German and English

"Umm... it's St Patrick's Day? You're supposed to say 'kiss me I'm Irish'"

Today is what now?

Nobody looks at anyone the way my dog looks at me when I'm eating people food.

I love watching my FitBit manage it's expectations as the day goes on

8 am: Let's get 250 steps!
9 am: 210 steps! Let's do it!
10 am: Go for 190 steps! You got this!
...
5 pm: Dude please just stand up. Just once, I'm begging you

Dating is tough. Every woman I'm interested in dating is either taken, or she has good taste in men.

You might have never thought about it, but guess what, Cheetahs don't roar like other large predatory cats. They meow just like the little ones do. Isn't that cute?

"Doug, go to bed"

No

Anyone else ever have a daydream scenario that's made up and you go too far and accidentally get mad?

My head: (What do you mean my mortgage payments are late? Then how do you explain these bank charges from me to you?? Where's that money going?? Are you stealing from me?? NO I WON'T CALM DOWN, ANSWER ME. I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FIX THIS...
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My buddies told us to invite anyone that'd like to share their new engagement celebration to our Halloween/Engagement party at my house on 31 Oct!

And they didn't really put a boundary on that. Who'd like to swing by OKC on Tuesday or Saturday? :)