"Some women out here acting disgusted by men that want to pay them for feet pics.
Homie, for the right price, I'll send you my actual foot."
- Me, yesterday
Flowers are played out. Get your girl a dozen deviled eggs.
Had a dream that a lot of my friends turned on me because of a controversial opinion...
Listen. Guys. I'm not going to apologize for being a fan of The Muppets. No, I did NOT realize that Miss Piggy has long been an investor in the blood diamond industry, but I don't feel that one character's bad decisions reflect on the troupe as a whole....
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I just remembered that one time I had a veggie sub from Subway on purpose and I paid for it and everything and now I'm upset about it all over again 😥😥😥😥
Me: Yo idk who brought this key lime pie but it's so good! And just the right amount of color and tart
Coworker: That's banana bread
Me: ....
Coworker: ....
Me: ...how long has this been sitting out
2025. It's the 30th anniversary where they bring back the first lineup and call it the WAARP Tour.
I used to think I didn't believe in UFOs until I realized I can't identify most birds on sight and now I'm all messed up over it.
I started composting! It reduces landfill contribution and is better for the environment. Feels good :)
"Doug you can't just whip egg shells and old taco soup onto your back lawn and call it 'composting'"
shut up, *YEET*
My first therapy session was on Monday!
Who's this Rorschach asshole and why is he drawing pictures of me fucking my dad?
Here's a song I wrote. *clears throat*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Second verse! Same as the first!"