hardcoredoug

Tonight I built a bookshelf, hit on a grandma, got defriended by a Senatorial candidate, and weaponized Autism. How was your Thursday night?

Chinese immigrant fellow MBA student: Doug we going to do stimulation tomorrow night.

Me: ....I'm sorry?

Him: Tomorrow night we meet and do stimulation as group

Me: What are.... oh, I think you mean "our group is doing a simulation"

Him: Oh. Yes! Simulation!

I love working with this guy

What's your song of the year in 2016?

Preferably a song released this year, but if something else meant something special I won't hold it back :)

"Non-Christians write 'Xmas' as a way to keep Christ out of Christmas! It's an affront to Christianity!"

Meh. Not really. I mean some of us probably do, but I'll bet 99% of us are just lazy writers. For one, lots of us know that X, as in Chi, was an early symbol representing Christ so that idea would backfire on us anyway.

Moreso, if we...
Read More

Earlier today, Body picked a helluva day to have a cold. Now I'm just suspicious.

Me: Boss, can I go home early? I don't feel so hot

Boss: Didn't Final Fantasy XV come out today?

Me: Hey, I'm asking the questions around here

I think Starbucks should just straight up put Lucifer on the holiday cup.

"Oh, yall wanna say we hate Xmas another year? We'll give you something to complain about. Here, have a hot cup of Satan. #staywokefam #dicksout#getwrecked"

Good: "She's got a booty that don't quit"

Bad: "Her ass won't stop"

I think I'm finally tired of sitting around and being a drunk asshole. I miss being in shape and having sex regularly too (it's been a year. oof). So I think I'll quit one, start another, and really cross my fingers for the third. Saying here because seeing you babes every day has inspired me to be better. June 1 seems like a great day...
Read More

(Boss telling me that I have too much leave saved up and might lose some)

Her: Well if you want you could always donate to others that need some extra if you don't want to take it.

Me: Oh yea I forgot all about that, you're right. With any luck, someone around here will get really really sick!

Her: That's not what... I didn't mean.......
Read More

Booked myself for the cheapest motel I could find in Memphis, and just arrived. It's next door to a strip club, and a mile from a major dock. There's an hourly rate. This is where hookers go to die.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ordering unsweetened tea in Alabama will earn you a venomous stare previously reserved for those directly responsible for Columbine.

"I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things." - Trump

Yea you said it, man

t(-_-)t